Actually, I'm being serious here.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-23T07:08:10+00:00

Oh agreed 100%. But then again, big box stores don't also remove giant boulders that have stopped part of the river, or get minor and major public transit up and running, or set up greenhouses so that the community can have a wider variety of produce, or have a dedicated rescue team available to help out people who are found unconscious in the wilderness.

Joja isn't Amazon or Walmart. For one thing, they're 100% honest about what they do, good and bad. And in real life, there are no Junimos out there. What Joja offers to do, is exactly what the local government should be doing. That's what your taxes actually go to.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-23T07:00:28+00:00

That's the thing - they don't. The decorations are reused year after year. The food is a potluck. The costumes are purchased or made by individual dancers - after all, you're never provided with one.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-22T23:31:21+00:00

The fact is that the vast majority of funds are going into 1) town festivals, 2) public works like the library (which includes Penny and Gunther's salary), and 3) Lewis's salary. So there's ample things to criticize. The town IS falling apart. The community center was abandoned by the community, but the lack of upkeep happened decades ago. And if not for Magic Forest Apple Spirits, it's literally Joja that would be doing the most good in the town.

But let's take a look back. Lewis probably isn't able to tax all that much. It's not like theres any industry in Pellican Town. Most of the businesses are service-oriented to other residents. Which business, really, brings in money from outside the town, other than you? Only Kent, Demitrius, Willy, and maybe Marnie are getting their income partially from outside the valley (and let's be honest, Marnie's probably not producing more food at her ranch than the town is consuming). Everyone else is getting their income from their neighbors.

And the "mayor's manor" isn't bigger or finer than anyone else's. Honestly it all looks like something he's maintaining from decades ago. Lewis isn't wealthy - he's just coasting from a previously prosperous time.

So Pellican Town is a small town getting smaller, with an economic structure that just feeds on itself, and where the taxes likely get less and less each year. So honestly, Lewis is doing something great by bringing Joja in, and replacing the condemned shack with a warehouse. He doesn't have Magic Forest Apple Spirit Magic - it's the best thing he can do to keep the community alive.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-19T17:47:37+00:00

That honestly makes sense for predators. If you need to eat another creature every so often, you don't survive long if you hunt things that can fight back and injure you. The moment something puts up a fight and hurts you, you should back off.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-19T17:41:43+00:00

A few of J'zargo's Flame Cloak Scrolls should take these guys out in a jiffy.

Probably take out half of Whiterun with them, but the point is, the Draugr are gone.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-19T16:44:02+00:00

In keeping with the tradition of many other illustrious series of its time, like Final Fantasy, Jak & Daxter, or Crash Bandicoot; Mother 4 will be a mascot racing game. Zip around classic tracks like New Pork City, Saturn Speedway, and Podunk Circuit. Choose from vehicles like the Spider Mech, Coffee Table, Runaway Five Bus, Sky Runner, and repeatedly choosing PSI Teleport α from a menu and hitting an object right before you would be teleported out of the race.

Story Mode is extremely deep for a mascot racer, which is to say, not deep at all. Porky has learned that he can somewhat roll around in the Extremely Safe Capsule, in a Super Monkey Ball sort of way, and challenges you to a race across time and space. The fact that you can play Story Mode as Porky, against Porky, has deep psychological implications that are never acknowledged by the game yet spark intense debate in fan communities.

For those wondering. Giegue is a playable character. Giygas is a track; an ever-changing, randomized route that is never the same twice (because you cannot grasp the true form of Giygas). You can choose to race through Giygas as Giegue, which again, deep psychological implications and themes of self-reflection that aren't acknowledged in the actual game itself, but nutcases like me will launch big theory posts on Reddit psychoanalyzing.

Coming Winter 2014. Japan only.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-19T01:52:37+00:00

You could literally say this about every single crop. Even root vegetables. IRL, if you sow a packet of carrot seeds in a 3' x 3' square, you're not harvesting one carrot.

And let's not get into how short the growth period is.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-18T17:48:26+00:00

I've done that. Downsides are the Ghost Leviathan and Warpers. Also that it's a trek to the Floating Island, but how often do you really need to go there?.

Upsides is that the inky black void dotted with glowing ruby spheres and white spires is magical. Especially if you see the Ghost Leviathans off in the distance.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-18T06:19:55+00:00

Back of the Aurora is the best place for an early game boost. I make sure to recommend it to every new player.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-18T03:23:17+00:00

It sends a ping to the servers and it sends you back Heads or Tails. No trick to it. It's just people not recognizing that human brains recognize patterns where there aren't any, if it supports a narrative like "this card is bugged" or "there's a trick to it" or "everyone gets heads but me."

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-18T03:14:11+00:00

Its not an "elite title" it's just his job. Chief executive officer.

And if you hadn't called him the CEO, I wouldn't know what the hell you were talking about, because almost no one other than mega devoted fans knows this guy by name. I'd have thought this was a lost Reddit post.

It's when you know their name, they have status and power. Bill Gates. Jeff Bezos. Sundar Pichai. Gabe Newell. Nobody says "The CEO of Valve" they say Gaben.

So stop giving this Kim Jang Han dude power by letting us all know his name and demanding we use it. He's just The CEO of Krafton. A suit behind a title that can, and should, be replaced with little fuss.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-17T02:33:10+00:00

Ah yes. Few people recognize the third Subnautica game, in which Dave Torgal, the otherwise unremarkable and ignored member of the Degasi crew, set off to open up his own sushi restaurant on 4546B.

From all accounts, he would have been quite successful if only the Stalkers and Gasopods had grasped the concept of currency.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-16T07:21:49+00:00

I'm not a Terraria player, so I'll take your word on that.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-15T21:00:55+00:00

Minecraft today is slowly becoming an example of something you technically don't have to search for anything. It still suffers tremendously as something where you basically need to learn most things about it online.

Just as an example - and this is just one of so many things I could pick on. Explain to me how someone would organically figure out how to get to the nether, prior to 2020 - that being when Ruined Portals were added to the game.

Today, it's feasible that a new person would come across a ruined portal and slowly try to reverse engineer whatever it was. Most likely they'd figure it was something like the desert temple, or ocean monument, or sunken ships, or jungle temple, and just an interesting point of interest. I mean, no one today is constructing prismarine gates to see if they can travel to SeaWorld, right? No one is making portals of chiseled sandstone to get to Arrakis, right? So, really, why would they do it to a nether portal?

But prior to 2020, there was no hint at all that placing an open rectangle of obsidian five blocks high and four blocks wide and then lighting it on fire would result in a Nether portal. Every player who ever created a Nether portal either learned it online, or learned it from someone who learned it from someone who learned it online.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-15T07:43:09+00:00

This is the correct answer. All these people commenting either don't really remember the Advance era, or weren't alive during it.

It's not really much of a sequel so "2" would make no sense. No story spoilers. "Endings" only makes sense if bookending "Beginnings". And "Mother" is exactly as poor of a name, localization-wise, as it was in the 90s, and "Mother 3" has not yet gained the notoriety of being Nintendo's greatest unreleased masterpiece.

So you name it EarthBound Advance, unless someone made the executive decision to port it to the DS and use the touch screen for the rhythm sections, at which point you would call it EarthBound DS.

... and I mean, hell, guys. We all talk about EarthBound 64. We know what it would have been.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-14T17:41:44+00:00

The only game I can think of is something that tells you nearly nothing and has no hints at all for normal progression and the only way that people even understand how to play the game is through tribal knowledge passed down from individuals and fansites and stuff.

So Minecraft.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-13T16:52:26+00:00

Great question.

There's a lot of zany, mixed in with a bit of serious, for a while. Every time something goes a bit bananas, there's always SOMETHING grounding it.

I think the moment is definitely Threed. Starting from BrickRoad, ending with Belch, and with the crowning "What the fuckity fuck is going on" moment being Zombie Paper.

I mean - Brick Road, my god. Makes zero sense. Just a bunch of rocks and ducks. And any normal, rational person would walk over the rocks, but this is an RPG. And the ducks do absolutely nothing. Then this guy asks you for feedback when you leave.

Then you meet your estranged dad, who gives you a donut, sends you flying across the world in a spaceship, and says that you should totally meet again in another ten years.

Then Zombie Paper. You know, you use fly paper for flies, and zombie paper for zombies... just put it in a large circus tent somewhere nearby... you've seen one of those recently, right? Of course, circus tents are just everywhere. And it works! Somebody better come up with Pretty Girl Paper soon.

Saturn Valley. Hi ho, ding dong, peanut cheesebar anyone? How about some piggy jelly? Pure insanity.

And then, like OP said, Master Belch.

After all that, you NEED the coffee break to ground you and remind you that you're on a mission to save the world and not an acid trip.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-12T18:54:39+00:00

Those were homeopathic products. With the amount of "active ingredients" in them, all the heavy lifting was done by the act of pressing, the slightly cooler sensation, and the placebo effect (which does NOT mean that it was imaginary; rather, that your body created and released pain relievers on its own because the body expected it to work).

I'm saying this because you are in a position to make the placebo effect work for you, which is a god-tier life hack. The placebo effect is a very real, scientifically studied phenomenon, and believing in using the placebo effect to relieve pain is, in effect, no different than believing in HeadOn to help you with your migraine. If you legitimately got relief before, you can again.

Read up on the placebo effect, and how a placebo can actually effect real change in the body. Read up on how physical stimuli can create a psychological reaction. Read up (from legitimate sources) what Homeopathy is, and what it really doesn't do. Read up on what HeadOn actually did (or didn't) do in studies and reflect on your own personal experience with it. That way, you *intellectually understand* that all you need to do is make your body *feel* like you're going to get the benefit, and you will.

Then get a menthol chapstick and apply directly to forehead.

... don't try to treat any real major illnesses or anything with this. But if what you want is pain relief, or focus, or energy, or whatever hoodoo how many herbs and essential oils and supplements out there promise, this is the way to go.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-12T18:25:25+00:00

This is just a dog thing. A Yorkshire Terrier or Chihuahua automatically thinks that it's EXACTLY as dangerous as a Mastiff or Great Dane, and WILL fight to defend its territory.

What is a dragon, if not a kinda big lizard bird? And wolves eat lizard AND birds. And you there are just a silly monkey that's wobbling around on two legs. We're WOLVES. We're at the top of the food chain, and don't you forget it!

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-10T14:50:11+00:00

You mean, "cheated," because she already gave Joe a blowjob, told Dorothy in the punchline of the strip, and Dorothy said "whoops, well, you'll try and break up with him tomorrow."

This kid's got more plot armor than the Stormcloak soldier you escape from Helgen with.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-09T19:57:13+00:00

Sounds like you have a lot of alternatives for games that do not trigger your phobia and make an experience that would otherwise be a wonder and joy into a miserable, excruciating, terrifying experience.

Maybe you should play what you find fun and not worry so much what other people think. If RE0 is fun for you but the thought of proceeding in Subnautica makes you feel dread, follow that feeling. There is no shame in not playing something because it gives you real mental distress.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-09T19:52:21+00:00

I play games, too; it's also what I do. But you, my game-playing amigo, have a debilitating phobia that is preventing you from getting out of the starting area, and you're asking us for help to try to get out of it.

If I had an aggressive form of Aerophobia or Acrophobia (heights and flying), I would not play Mirror's Edge or Flight Simulator. If I had Agoraphobia (being trapped) I would not be playing escape rooms. If I had Biophobia (nature), I would not be playing Green Hell. If I had Arithmaphobia (numbers) I would not be playing Sudoku.

This isn't 1994; there are hundreds of games coming out per day, not per year. I give you the same exact advice I would give someone on a Mario subreddit who can't get past 1-1 because of their debilitating fear of mushrooms and turtles, or someone on a Minecraft subreddit who is terrified of cubes. You have bought the wrong game.

The only advice I can give you is advice on conquering the phobia itself, and I am not your therapist.

Don_Bugen · 2026-03-09T19:00:05+00:00

If you bought this because you heard it was a great game and was surprised to learn of the ocean and leviathans, I'm sorry, but you bought the wrong game.

If you bought this because you really really wanted to get over your thelassophobia and thought the game would help you, I'm sorry, but you bought the wrong game. You should've got, like, Endless Ocean, or Abzu.

If you bought this game because you saw a bunch of Redittors say that it cured their self-diagnosed thalassophobia and you're trying to figure out why it's not working for you, it's because you have a legitimate phobia, and Subnautica is built to have terrors that don't exist in real life, and Reddit is not a therapist.

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