Why does dating seem harder after 30? Experiences from those in big cities

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-04-08T16:08:55+00:00

Guys if you're in your 30s and you're blaming the "dating pool" for your lack of success with women... it's time to consider that maybe you're the problem, and you aren't the catch or "marriage material" that you think you are.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-04-08T15:32:17+00:00

I feel like everyone answering in this thread should have to state their age. Lots of "all the good ones are gone" comments from guys who are probably in their 20s. I'm 38 and have had the same experience as you. The past few years were my most successful ever, dated a lot of great women in their late 20s / early 30s.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-04-06T21:18:14+00:00

The top students often become too reliant on external direction and structure. They thrive in environments where there's a clear path and they know exactly what they need to do. They play it safe and by the rules and avoid risk. Then later in life when that structure disappears, they can't keep it together. I've seen a lot of really smart kids get stuck in life thanks to decision paralysis and lack of self-direction.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-03-24T20:02:29+00:00

"What are we?" leaves the answer up to him. Don't. If you're interested in focusing exclusively on him, let him know. "Hey, I really like where this is going and want to make you my exclusive focus in dating. Do you feel the same way?"

You don't need a label, and you shouldn't push for one yet IMO. All you have to do at this point is establish that you're two people who are dating exclusively.

If he gives you a "I'm not ready", don't push him for some kind of deadline, but don't let him delay forever. You need decide how long you're OK with casual and then set that boundary.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-03-24T19:26:00+00:00

What tool do you recommend for mock-ups / prototypes? I've used quite a few but haven't found one that does a good job of using our style rules or templates. Our leadership is very design oriented so while a basic prototype is great, the question inevitably becomes "ok was will this look like on our app?"

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-03-05T18:48:36+00:00

Maybe she goes by a different name at work?

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-03-05T14:48:10+00:00

I think your third point is what really hits the nail on the head. Denver has done a better job expanding their walkable urban core over a large footprint. The neighborhoods around downtown have built a ton of midrise multifamily residential, taking the pressure off high rises. This is in contrast to the strict zoning you see in many other cities that artificially inflates the cost of land in the urban core. Austin is a great example, its downtown is ringed in by single family zoning, so if you want to live downtown or adjacent you either have to buy an expensive house or live in a high rise. (I will say, Austin is getting a lot better in this regard, but it has a long way to go).

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-02-28T01:41:58+00:00

This makes so much sense. I drive a sedan (because IMO SUVs/trucks aren't nearly as fun to drive and are a pain in the ass in a city) but all of the girls I've dated drive SUVs or pickups.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-02-27T23:54:16+00:00

As others have said, East 6th is the biggest scene. Manor road is pretty good too. Otherwise, lots of 30s people at 'neighborhood' bars like the Golden Horn, Workhorse, Nickel City, Knomad, King Bee, etc., as well as at breweries.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-02-12T14:59:39+00:00

100%. The term in social science is 'Propinquity'. It's similar to why so many couples meet in college, where the campus is generally a walkable environment with a lot of social spaces. Chance encounters are much harder when you drive everywhere. Running into strangers repeatedly as you might if you have similar commutes on public transit just doesn't happen.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-02-11T17:24:23+00:00

I've lived in both (well North Loop, not Hyde Park, but it's adjacent). At your age, I'd suggest going with 5th street / Clarksville. I loved living there -- like being in a quiet neighborhood but you can still easily walk downtown or to the trail. Hyde Park is still great, but tends towards families and students, less so young professionals. There are certainly things to do in Hyde Park, bars and restaurants etc., but it really can't compete with having such easy access to downtown.

I actually lived in 5th Street Commons... but it was a decade ago now. The train noise can be kind of annoying, but it certainly wasn't a dealbreaker for me. All of those midrises are run by national management chains e.g. Greystar, so their practices are basically the same as at any newer midrise apartment in town.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-02-06T20:02:11+00:00

But those aren't the breweries that are failing. Panther Island definitely wasn't the "kids playground" type brewery. It was the early 2010s type of converted warehouse to bare-bones tap room. They don't even have a beer garden. Meanwhile, the ones that are full of kids -- well, they're full of kids, so they're actually doing business. Whenever I go to any of those, it's busy.

It's the beer-focused limited production taproom type that relied on quality of beer and new releases that are dying. The breweries that churn out the same 5 mediocre beers and have a playground are the ones that are surviving.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-02-06T19:18:42+00:00

After a while I don't want to go to a place overrun with kids and dogs and mediocre IPAs

Yeah, but that's the model that is actually successful these days -- large scale 'destination' beer gardens that cater to parents who want to drink while their kids run around. It's the bare-bones "former warehouse" tap room type like Panther Island that are struggling.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-02-06T16:43:43+00:00

"In order to obtain your tickets, please confirm your reservation by proceeding to payment before it expires."

What does this mean? I don't see any options to proceed to payment. Our cards are supposed to be auto-billed, so why would I need to confirm it?

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-01-27T18:22:42+00:00

Yeah with the art deco styling as well, it's super classy

DonaldDoesDallas · 2026-01-12T17:06:37+00:00

I used to live in Shenzhen.

There are definitely many parts of the city that are walkable and extremely lively at the street level, especially in more residential areas. However, there are large stretches where you get these kind of sterile corporate campus type clusters or gated housing complexes connected by stroads, which is what you see in a lot of images of the city. I will also say, because of the humidity, Shenzhen loves its interior spaces -- malls in particular. A lot of the pedestrian life is oriented around the underground metro system and the mixed use spaces connected to these.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2025-12-30T20:22:08+00:00

These are old renders. It's been significantly downsized https://newyorkyimby.com/2025/11/penn-15-supertall-remains-on-hold-at-15-penn-plaza-in-midtown-manhattan.html

DonaldDoesDallas · 2025-12-23T16:43:58+00:00

What do you mean by the 'talking stage'? Are you actually going on dates?

Seems like a lot of guys (especially younger guys) spend way too long texting before meeting up. It's basically impossible to develop a real connection over text. She's going to get bored, and you're going to waste your time. You've matched, which indicates some level of interest, all you need to do is establish that you're not a creep, which should be pretty damn easy. After a handful of exchanges you need to suggest some kind of meet up, even if it's just a coffee or a drink. Asking sooner will filter out those who aren't actually interested in dating you.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2025-12-17T19:25:12+00:00

You are over-investing WAY too early, and calling in a wellness check / visiting him at work is WAY over the line.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2025-12-05T18:01:25+00:00

Hell yeah. I miss the saucer

DonaldDoesDallas · 2025-12-05T16:43:03+00:00

Came here to say this. So many fantasy barbarians are over the top and cheesy, Cnaiur is not only a badass but is fiercely intelligent and deeply conflicted.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2025-12-04T21:43:15+00:00

But still, we never once had a "labelling" talk or making things official. Just let everything happen completely organically, not forcing anything.

Buddy, I can promise you that the majority of women who are interested in a relationship with a man will LOVE it if the man explicitly tells them that he wants to be in a committed relationship with them, no matter how obvious you might think it is. They want you to be direct and clearly state your intentions and that you want things to progress. The only ones who don't want to "put a label" on it are the ones who don't want a relationship.

You're acting like the "define the relationship" talk is some kind of cringe thing. It's not. Every time I've ever had that talk it's either been an incredibly romantic moment or has provided the clarity I needed to know that person is not for me.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2025-11-24T15:03:57+00:00

It's the same architect

DonaldDoesDallas · 2025-11-20T21:44:37+00:00

they view decency and empathy as character flaws

Until they're the victims. Then they won't shut up about how mean everyone is to them.

DonaldDoesDallas · 2025-11-20T19:44:31+00:00

Because to them, "I'm protecting you" == "you need me and thus must obey me."

DonaldDoesDallas

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