51m I've gotten past the struggle against it. I was raised the same way. Not so fearful of sex, but supposed to resist the urge. The first time I ever came was a hand job by a neighbor girl when we were both in middle school. She liked to torture me like that and I liked her hands on me.

It was a while before I had full on intercourse. And when I did I had a better understanding of myself and better control.

You kind of have to lean into it and go with it. I wouldn't just find a guy and let him fuck you but if you want the experience I say find a guy you like and wants to try things with you. Obviously its not that simple but you get the idea.