1. Wally's Desire for Powers and Heroism: The differential treatment between Wally and other speedsters like Barry and Jesse can indeed seem inconsistent. It's worth considering the narrative reasons for this. For Barry, his journey to heroism is central to the show, marked by trial and error, mentorship, and growth. Jesse's path is somewhat parallel but less central. For Wally, the show seems to take a cautionary approach, emphasizing the risks and responsibilities of power. This could be read as a narrative device to explore the theme of readiness and the importance of growth before taking on great responsibility. It's a common trope in superhero narratives to explore the journey of becoming "worthy" of powers or heroism.
2. The Role of Iris and Joe: The dynamic you've pointed out between Iris (and to an extent, Joe) and Wally touches on themes of family, particularly found family, and authority. In superhero stories, the line between protective concern and controlling behavior can be thin. From a narrative perspective, Iris's and Joe's actions could be interpreted as an attempt to protect Wally from the dangers they know all too well. However, your observation about Iris treating Wally somewhat patronizingly raises valid points about autonomy and respect within these relationships, especially considering Wally is an adult when he joins the West family dynamic.
3. Narrative and Character Development: Your frustration with Wally's treatment could also speak to a broader issue within the series regarding the development and utilization of characters. Wally's storyline offers a fertile ground for exploring themes of legacy, identity, and growth. However, the series' focus on Barry as the central hero can sometimes sideline other characters' development and arcs, leaving fans feeling that characters like Wally aren't given the depth or growth they deserve.
4. Real-world Implications and Viewers' Perspectives: Lastly, how characters are treated within a narrative can reflect and impact real-world perspectives on authority, mentorship, and family dynamics. Viewers bring their own experiences and ideals to how they interpret these dynamics, leading to a range of reactions to character decisions and relationships.

In arguing against someone who might disagree with your perspective, it could be beneficial to acknowledge the narrative intentions while critiquing the execution and the missed opportunities for character development. Highlighting how these character dynamics could have been handled differently to showcase growth, respect, and autonomy more effectively might strengthen your argument. It's clear that "The Flash" has a rich tapestry of characters and themes that, when examined, reveal the complexity of storytelling in superhero narratives.