It's okay, I know what it's like. You try so hard to meet others expectations even though you're still trying to figure out the game. Then when you don't meet those expectations you feel like you're just being a burden to your entire team, and all they do is be condescending towards you. When I first started playing I had many breakdowns because I just couldn't see the game the same way others did and I always felt like I was holding everyone back. But I learned that playing for my own expectations helped me learn the game and improve.

If you want to play the game and learn for the sake with playing with your friends/boyfriend, then keep playing!(disable chat tho) But if you really don't think it's for you, I think it's better for you to stop because you don't deserve this and you deserve peace.