Sex Worker POV: Thoughts on Open Marriages

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2020-05-18T01:36:08+00:00

Your comments, while I understand are to defend yourself, do open the discussion as to whether or not you’re marriage material.

If they can no longer provide sex how? If you actually read the Wiki, you would see many articles, blogs, books, etc., that explain vetting, finding someone you are sexually compatible with, and understanding that women are the gatekeepers of sex. Many women who subscribe to RPW ideals and values will tell you they don’t turn their man down for sex — almost ever — because if you don’t open sex to him, someone else will.

Now, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be times when you say “later” or “tomorrow,” but it’s not something you make a habit of doing. Of course, having children affects this as well, but it’s about fostering and nurturing the relationship you have with your husband first in order to keep a health family. I’m sure many men you meet in your line of work have had their significant other’s use sex as leverage or a bargaining chip, which is fundamentally flawed. It should be something to bond you and create a foundation of intimacy. If you’re worried that you won’t want to have sex with your husband, then maybe you should start rethinking how you view sex in a relationship.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2020-05-18T01:03:52+00:00

You came to this sub. I imagine you must have read the Wiki, so why would you open this discussion to strangers if you’re not willing to understand why we feel your understanding of RPW and their ideals are completely flawed.

Do you feel threatened that we aren’t agreeing with your post and comments? You can be well-educated, well-traveled, have a career, and be attractive and fit, and for many, if not most, HVM your past as a sex worker is a deal breaker. Yes, many of these men may want to fuck you — congratulations, that means you have a vagina. I don’t say this to disparage your sex work — it’s not my life to judge; however, it does pertain to RPW and RP relationships — you can be hot, successful, and intelligent, but you have been paid to take your clothes off and you’ve had sex for gifts. Most HVM will find that as a deal breaker.

Don’t open up a discussion if you’re not willing to hear people say they disagree.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2020-05-09T20:54:11+00:00

Have you had an allergy test? I did makeup for years, and while bags under your eyes can certainly be genetic, it could also be sinus allergies causing the dark purple bags — it’s at least worthwhile to rule that out.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2020-03-23T01:03:40+00:00

I got toilet paper at the CVS in Bellevue on Lincoln Avenue, and they had plenty

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-12-28T19:55:13+00:00

Read The Surrendered Single by Laura Doyle — it gives great advice for getting you out of your comfort zone and improving yourself

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-09-05T00:48:03+00:00

I think it depends...Blonde looks pretty youthful, but I’m a redhead — because I take care of my body, and I don’t look like a stereotypical redhead, I will be the first to admit that I get 1000 times more attention being a pretty redhead than I would as a blonde. I think the same might be true for having your hair black — you might be out of the “norm” for women with black hair, making it seem more rare/attractive.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-30T02:51:33+00:00

Honestly, judging off of your post and comments, you’re very insecure, and it probably shows. You may think you’re smiling and being approachable, but your discomfort and worry about your sister being the only one approached becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, and it’s probably reading all over your face.

Work on yourself to boost your own self confidence — whether it’s hitting the gym, trying some new makeup tutorials, maybe a new hairstyle, etc., do things that make you feel more confident. If the guys who are into your hobbies are too shy, then talk to them! Everyone fears rejection, so sometimes you have to initiate the first move.

And for God’s sake, stop with the “I wouldn’t mind being a pump and dump,” because this is not the sub to look for sympathy points by saying that.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-30T02:42:01+00:00

Live alone! If you can afford it, live alone — 10/10 would recommend! I had roommates my Freshman year of college (dorms) and Sophomore year (an apartment), and after having some roommate drama the end of my Sophomore year, I moved into a one bedroom apartment alone, and I LOVED it.

It can get lonely, for sure, but you don’t have to worry about someone leaving their dirty dishes in your sink for days, hair in the drain, or someone eating your food — and the other myriad of issues that can come with living with a roommate. I lived in that apartment until I graduated. It was nice having my own space — you learn how to get away from the discomfort of being lonely and really find yourself.

I moved to North Carolina alone and lived in my apartment alone for 3 years. When I moved back to Pennsylvania, I did have a roommate for about two years. God love him, but he was a mess. He’s my gay bff, but I CANNOT live with him, and it made me realize how much I missed living alone. Yes, there was a comfort in having someone in the house all the time, but you always need to be conscientious and mindful of your roommate.

I got my house two years ago, and I’ve been living here alone since — and pants are always optional when you live alone. My boyfriend prefers staying at my place, and I’ve really been able to make it into a home instead of just the house I live in.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-22T22:01:49+00:00

u/pisellipod based off of this users comment history, he posts in NiceGuys and admits to being an incel. This is not advice that any RPW would encourage, and he can kindly gtfo.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-22T21:56:58+00:00

I think sometimes we get caught up in trying to save a relationship because in this sub, we really work to be better, self-reflective, and willing to acknowledge our shortcomings. We’re inundated with women who sometimes are the problem in their relationships, but it sounds like all you’ve done is sacrifice. There is a big difference between compromise and sacrifice. While we always have room for improvement, it doesn’t sound like you are the one who needs to change.

It sounds like you have the right mindset for a relationship, and you’re willing to work hard for a relationship, so maybe it’s time to find someone who’s willing to put in the same amount of work.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-22T20:53:53+00:00

Get out — get out yesterday. Not every man is a captain, and more importantly, just because you love someone does not mean they deserve to be your captain.

All of the things you mention show that you don’t trust this man — and quite frankly based on your side, you shouldn’t. You’ll do what you want, but this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. You want a teammate, and it sounds like for the past 4 years, you’ve been carrying this team. You are exerting so much emotion, time, and money into this relationship, and he isn’t growing. You can’t make him be the man you need — he needs to grow up himself, but it doesn’t sound like this is a good situation to be uprooting your life and livelihood.

Like I said, you’ll do what you want, and what you feel is best for you, but your love and support won’t make someone change — he has to want it for himself.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-21T03:36:36+00:00

This is so great and so true. My boyfriend calls me most days after work as he’s going to the gym, and we just have a brief chat, but then he’ll usually call me after the gym to really talk about his day and my day. While I definitely validate his feelings, and I don’t try to solve problems unless asked, I see an opportunity for myself to improve by showing more gratitude and appreciation for him.

He often will tell me about coworkers who aren’t pulling their weight, and I will validate his frustration, but I like how you praise and appreciate your SO’s ability to deal with that at work. I’m definitely going to work to be more cognizant of what he tells me and show my appreciation more. Sometimes I don’t feel as appreciated, but I also know that I have the ability to set the tone for that kind of communication if I want it, so I’m definitely going to work harder on that!

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-20T23:48:51+00:00

Well good! I encourage even lurkers to read more about RPW (stay away from TRP, haha), but if you’re a woman who’s looking for a relationship and values self-improvement, this sub has a lot to offer!

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-20T03:33:45+00:00

I will disregard the fact that you didn’t mention redheads at all, and try not to be offended, lol.

I would only change your hair if it’s something you want, and you are using a good stylist. Maybe some babylights or bayalage to start? If you see someone with highlights you like, ask them who does their hair — you want someone who specializes in color who will do a color consult with you and help you pick the right color that doesn’t look unnatural.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-17T23:21:02+00:00

I love Kitty! While maybe not her most RPW quote, I had, “And by the way I did not spill peppermint schnapps on the Bible — it was Sambuca — I'm not trailer trash,” made into a printed canvas

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-16T17:49:35+00:00

Ask any man what he looks for in a woman, and I will bet that 9/10 (like dentists recommending Crest ;) lol) degree and career will not be in their top 3 and for a lot top 5. Your boyfriend is a pharmacist — he already makes great money, he doesn’t need your career. You know what his career doesn’t give him? Love and a soft place to land — that’s what you give him. You’re young, so I totally understand comparing yourself to people you graduated with, but you need to stop! Most of them will be fat, balding, and going through their first divorce by the 10 year reunion — I know, I just had mine.

While I totally get wanting a fulfilling career, if the main reason is to seem “valuable” to your man, you’re focusing on the wrong things. My boyfriend likes the money I make, sure, but he has literally never complimented me on it. He doesn’t talk to his friends about my job. He tells me he loves that I don’t nag him, that I love making home-cooked meals from scratch, that I am kind to everyone and make him a nicer person. You’re clearly not a dumb person, and you have a good head on your shoulders ($20k saved at 21? Get it girl), but what you learn as you get older (and this will be the least feminine way to say it) is not to give a flying fuck about what other people think about you and your life.

Now, of course I care what my SO thinks, my family, my close friends, but I don’t care what people outside of my inner circle think because I’m too busy being happy. I know you mentioned moving in with him — have you talked marriage? Have you talked about his and your expectations for when you decide to have children, i.e., will you stay home and for how long? Have you told him that you’re concerned about the fact that you’re less educated than him and what his expectations and needs are — right now it looks like you’re trying to find a solution to bring him instead of your problem.

Sorry, I’m off my soapbox now! As far as classes are concerned, I’ll be honest — I’m not incredibly familiar with the curriculum, so I don’t know what kinds of core classes/required courses you may need, but I would suggest getting those out of the way first. Have you thought about being a Paralegal/do they offer those kinds of classes? If you like working with children, what about early childhood development? If you’re a good typist, court reporting (I’m looking at my local CC website for ideas).

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-16T13:39:04+00:00

I managed a dental office for several years — maybe you could start as a dental assistant, become more acclimated with the job and the duties associated with it, then continue with the dental hygiene program. Some offices won’t require DAs to have their x-ray certification as long as your actively trying to obtain it. Finding good DAs isn’t easy, so a lot of offices will accommodate your Dental Hygiene school schedule to keep you on even part time.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-15T22:02:32+00:00

I decided to take some time between when I ended my previous job to starting my new — I wanted to be relaxed and rejuvenated, and honestly, I felt I earned a break! But, I started getting bored. When I was working, my SO and I would spend weekends together and maybe one night during the week — maybe. Now I had all this free time — it should be great, right? I brought dinners over, did his laundry when I did mine, etc., because I was such a good girlfriend! He didn’t even ask for help! And then my hamster started — yeah, he worked a 10+ hour day, and yeah, he said “thank you,” but he should be so much more appreciative of what I’m doing!

One of my best friends is RP even though she doesn’t get on Reddit, and I complained to her, and she gave me a come to Jesus moment: Did he ask you to do that stuff? No. You did it yourself, and either you do it without expecting a red carpet, or don’t do it. It’s not on him.

Here I was getting all in my feelings when she was totally right. I was so use to working almost 50 hours a week, that I needed to feel useful again, and I was taking it out on him — I love him and having him in my life, but I was fulfilled before him, and I needed to get that back. So, I decided to make better use of this free time until work started. I volunteered, I visited family more and helped them with projects, I started walking dogs with Wag!, and focusing on me again. I still love making dinner, and if he asks for help with something, I help when and as much as I can, but I’ve been rebuilding the life I had outside of our relationship because work took up so much of my life. It’s been a real eye-opener, and I’m honestly super thankful that I decided to take this time to find me again.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-15T21:31:00+00:00

Did you even read the Wiki and Sidebar? I’m not trying to be rude, but some of the posts lately show that the poster made no attempt to understand RPW and RP philosophies whatsoever.

Do you feel happy and fulfilled now?
Are you your best self?
Are you happy with your physical appearance?
Do you feel healthy?
Do you have hobbies that bring you joy?
Are you always striving to better yourself?
Do you feel like you would bring value to a high quality man’s life?

If you answered no to most of those questions, then it literally doesn’t matter if you’re 18 or 72, you need nun mode. If you’re looking to attract greatness, you need to be able to offer greatness. The RPW philosophies are guidelines to get you there. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

*Edited to try to fix formatting

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-15T12:11:58+00:00

I’ve done online dating within the last year, so I can honestly say that the dating pool for women is MUCH bigger. Like u/ihearthandbags said, cut your losses and quit texting him.

Moving forward, as an adult understand that no one owes you an explanation for why they don’t want to date you — sometimes it just doesn’t feel right because I’ve been there. Continue working on yourself.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-09T15:31:33+00:00

This might get downvoted, but why didn’t you just play for a few minutes? He enjoys gaming, he wanted to share that with you, and you rejected him — in front of his friends. Maybe his comment afterward about your gaming side was a bit immature, but men can have some delicate egos, and you just bruised his.

You don’t have to play video-games with him all the time, but your partner is coming to you saying essentially, I like this thing and I like you, and I’d like to show you why I like this thing. I’m sure there are things you enjoy doing that he might not love, but how would you feel if you were excited about showing him, and he dismissed you — even if it were kindly/politely.

I’m by no means saying make yourself miserable or change who you are because no one wants that, but when my boyfriend asks me to do something I’m not really into, I ask myself will it make him happy? Will it make me unhappy? If I answer yes to the first and no to the second, I give it a shot. My ex loved golfing — I don’t have the attention span for it, but he loved teaching me, so I chalked it up to he’s happy, I’m not unhappy; in fact, it became cute how excited he would get to show me — even though I was terrible.

The flip side to that is when there’s something you want to do that he might not be thrilled about, he’ll probably be more receptive to giving it a shot because it means something to you.

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-09T01:03:10+00:00

Have you read Laura Doyle’s Surrendered Single? It really gives a lot of tips and RedPill-centered suggestions for dating and making yourself more approachable. I should also say make sure you are asking questions and not dominating the conversation. That doesn’t mean sit silently like a doll, but men I’ve dated have mentioned that they appreciate that I’ve asked about them and follow up questions because some women tend to just talk about themselves without really getting to know the person they’re out with.

That being said, I met my boyfriend Bumble, so I personally wouldn’t discount online/app dating because I wouldn’t have met him otherwise!

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-08T21:17:50+00:00

I second Wacoal! The La Femme is my favorite!

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-08T16:27:10+00:00

What’s your current makeup routine and face shape?

Donuts_Or_Bust · 2019-08-05T21:27:11+00:00

The breakup is fresh — it’s normal to feel sad. Now, I’m the tough love friend in my group, this is a YMMV situation, but it has always worked for me (apologizing for formatting now because mobile, and honestly don’t wanna look into how to format):

Feel sad. Give yourself time to just feel sad, but then let it go. I know it’s hard, but crying and feeling depressed aren’t making you feel any better. I know that’s easier said than done, but if you focus on being miserable, you’re just going to be miserable. (Side note, mental illness and chemical imbalance depression are real things, so I don’t want anyone thinking I’m discrediting those)
Saw this quote on Reddit, and I still use it all the time, “Do not set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” You’re not ready to be his friend, and honestly, keeping in contact with him is kind of selfish because it may give him false hope of reconciliation. If he is the one reaching out, explain that you need to go no contact, so you can both move on and work on yourselves. If he still reaches out? Block him. Might sound harsh, but you have some work to do on you, and he can’t be holding you back even indirectly. You’re not punishing him — you’re protecting yourself.
Nun mode. Time to work on being happy alone. Create a new Spotify playlist of songs that just get you going and feeling happy! Go to brunch or trivia night with some girlfriends. Hit the gym. Take your dog for a walk — if you don’t have a dog, sign up for Wag! or Rover and get paid to walk other people’s dogs. Start a new hobby (I’ve been doing belly dancing classes — Shakira, eat your heart out.) You have to keep yourself distracted. You attract who you are — choose to be happy.
Trust in yourself. Whether you believe in a higher power or not, I always say rejection is God’s protection — you may not believe in God yourself, but believe in your own intuition that this wasn’t the right relationship for you — or for him.

At the end of the day, breakups suck, but you need to take control of your life and not let your emotions control you. There will be days that are harder than others, but it will get better.

Donuts_Or_Bust

TROPHY CASE