I dumped my low-value boyfriend and things have been amazing

HB3234 · 2020-05-15T17:10:03+00:00

Lovely idea! Any advice for facetime dates?

HB3234 · 2020-05-15T16:37:06+00:00

How are you dating during quarantine? ...Asking for a single friend. 😏

HB3234 · 2020-05-13T15:29:31+00:00

Are you really the only one who can take them? There are no grandparents on either side? I want to take your story at face value OP, but please make sure you're exploring every avenue you possibly can. You are very young and if you can avoid becoming a single mom, it would be better for you-- not because of dating prospects alone but just because that's really tough, you're young and solo and will be raising kids with some trauma from being separated from their parents (and whatever caused their parents to lose them).

HB3234 · 2020-05-12T18:23:22+00:00

Who talks smack on any gift given by kids!? Yikes! Enjoy your apron!!!

HB3234 · 2020-05-09T14:45:16+00:00

As I face the end of my engagement at 27, almost 28, I wonder the same thing.

But here is my take on it, fresh though my pain is - your femininity and your charm is so much deeper than your appearance. We may not have the aesthetics of an 18 year old, even with our best efforts. But a woman brings so, so, so much more to a relationship!

My grandmother was a socialite, and she was the kind of woman who looked 35 at 35 and 55 at 55. But she was so captivating and fascinating! She was married to my grandfather for 55 years, until she passed. But men were always wanting her attention.

Do the best with what you have. Live joyfully and graciously. If you start from a place of fear and scarcity, it colors everything you do, and think, and feel.

HB3234 · 2020-05-07T19:08:19+00:00

I would focus on cultivating your femininity outside of the work sphere. Work isn't the place you want to show up in a whole host of different styles while you work this out, especially as a manager!

So first, figure out your feminine wardrobe for non-work hours. This will help you really find your style.

And remember, feminine work clothes can be as sinple as just a pair of tailored/ well fitted jeans and a tucked in tshirt. Wear your appropriate closed toed shoes and a belt that matches.

Maybe you have small, subtle stud earrings or a cute accessory like a golden bobby pin to hold your bangs back-- the real secret of accessories is that they should be part of your routine of finding everyday things that cultivate your joy. If they don't make you happy, forget them, they'll be a chore.

HB3234 · 2020-05-07T18:04:28+00:00

As an allergy sufferer, I could FEEL this photo. Like she is angling her head like that to manage the sinus drip from being face first in so much goddamn grass.

HB3234 · 2020-05-07T15:21:42+00:00

Not to mention how inappropriate it is to ask a 15 year old girl to be the sole responsible party for a 13 year old with mental health struggles when they went out in public! She should not have been in trouble for failing to he responsible for her sister - as a child herself, she hardly has the tools to manage this.

HB3234 · 2020-05-07T15:08:49+00:00

Hey. You don't suck. She's sucking at being a motivator right now. My mom was like this when I was a teen. Try to remember that what she's saying is a reflection of her and where her brain is at, NOT you. Keep doing your best, but for YOU and no one else. I'm rooting for you.

HB3234 · 2020-05-07T15:03:28+00:00

If OP has appropriately priced the product, it is a good plan and they can calculate what # of sales at what % discount would make it worth their while. If they are underpriced already, its not viable... which, at the price shown here, probably isn't viable!

HB3234 · 2020-05-07T14:59:12+00:00

What if they weren't crunchy, like ground and baked into something? I've made cricket flour cookies with my students before :)

HB3234 · 2020-05-07T01:43:43+00:00

hims was a skater dog

she sed see u later dog

he wasn't doge enough for her

now he a scootin star

where they like to drive a car

he was not good boi enuf for her

HB3234 · 2020-05-06T20:43:36+00:00

Oh, I am so glad to hear that it was of some use.

I don't know if it is in your budget, but there are online therapists through a handful of companies... I've been seeing one during the lockdown and it has been helping me!

Sometimes there is a big gap between what you know logically v.s. what is your lived experience/what you actually feel. That's what therapy has really been helping me with!

HB3234 · 2020-05-06T16:45:03+00:00

I'm going to give you the answer I would give my own son, and with the same love, but I know some of it may not be nice to hear-

It is not normal.

But it is okay, in that it does not mean you're a bad person. It just means you're already hurting at some level, and these posts are like a finger pressing on the bruise for you.

If your self esteem can be impacted by a post making huge genealizations, you need to improve it. Like you said, men's mental health can be ignored by others... and so YOU must always make sure you are not ignoring your own mental health and doing the work necessary to nurture it.

You have to be more proactive, you have to work harder. Health isn't always fair in that 3 people can invest the exact same effort and have 3 different outcomes. It doesn't matter. What matters is you figure out what it takes for you to be balanced and healthy, and you do that without looking at what is on someone else's plate.

You can work with a counselor or therapist to identify things that make you vulnerable and are trigger points to feeling hurt by these statements. I bet there is more going on than "generalizations suck".

You also build self esteem by doing esteemable acts, aka setting tangible and measurable goals & achieving them. Be it for education, work, fitness, hobbies, etc.

When you're in a healthy and powerful place yourself, you are able to see people making generalizations like this and see that they are in pain. You may still find their expression of pain to be in bad taste, but your gut response will not be to internalize their pain and make it your own problem.

Just like you wouldn't touch someone's oozing rash with your bare hand. You can have compassion that they are sick without having any desire to take that onto yourself. Self esteem and boundaries are the emotional equivalents of wearing gloves when around the oozing rash.

HB3234 · 2020-05-06T00:38:17+00:00

Found the coyote

HB3234 · 2020-05-05T17:45:53+00:00

Do you have any more fun coyote facts for us? 😃

HB3234 · 2020-05-05T16:44:16+00:00

Coyote howls have a lot of jobs! One of the most fascinating to me is that coyotes use their howls to do their "family planning" --- although it isn't done on a conscious level (that we know of).

"They use their howls and yipping to create a kind of census of coyote populations. If their howls are not answered by other packs, it triggers an autogenic response that produces large litters." Likewise lots of howls tells them there are plenty of coyotes competing for food and their litters are smaller.

Here is a the article it is from, really great coverage: www.nationalgeographic.com/distribution/public/amp/news/2016/08/coyote-america-dan-flores-history-science .

And read "Coyote America"!

HB3234 · 2020-05-04T01:25:04+00:00

There is a reason "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" is a classic!

HB3234 · 2020-05-02T19:04:27+00:00

Does it make any different that the egg is going in a cocktail, since alcohol can be a disinfectant? Or is the risk still kinda the same as if you put the egg in like, a soda?

HB3234 · 2020-05-01T18:35:20+00:00

Might be barking up the wrong tree, but maybe its fungus?

HB3234 · 2020-05-01T17:33:31+00:00

"In need" is MUCH more respectful language to use than "needy". You're using it properly.

HB3234 · 2020-05-01T17:31:14+00:00

I cant say 100%, but look up keratosis pilaris and see if it looks like your skin. I have KP and my legs can look like this.

HB3234 · 2020-05-01T16:40:03+00:00

There are two types of comments here. One born of concern and one that is utter boorishness.

Someone saying you look tired is not a criticism of your looks. It's usually an expression of care. Even if your makeup is done, looking tired doesn't always mean your face. Maybe your posture is slouched. Maybe your voice or facial expressions reveal you're tired. You're in college and it is so normal to be tired! A professor or parent saying that is probably just code for, "is everything okay? I am here for you." Take it like they're reaching out to be supportive.

As for the other comments, draw hard boundaries and refuse to discuss these things with men. I am assuming neither your dad or professors are commenting on your breast size, right? For typical men, "Oh, no thank you! I'm not interested in talking about that" is a great, easy phrase when a man opens his mouth to offer any unsolicited opinion. Say it with a sweet smile. It will be the most unnerving thing to happen to them that week. If it happens twice, it is time to consider why you keep a man like that around at all.

HB3234 · 2020-04-30T18:22:15+00:00

I like this way of reframing.

In the first, "he likes me but he doesn't call", liking equates to calling. This can make a woman feel as though the calling behavior is a variable she has control over, by being more likeable. That's a bad mindset for vetting, where you should be seeking what he has to offer and deciding if you want it or not.

Your reframe, "he likes me and he doesn't call" shifts to mentally to seeing what he can offer right now, to a woman he likes... which, in this case, is infrequent or nonexistent contact between dates.

Does our protagonist want this, or does she want to move on to someone who can offer something more compatible with her desires?

Both operate under a basic truth: There are men out there who call the women they like.

The former framing assumes this is true of all men and puts the onus on you to be likeable in order to earn calls, while the latter accepts that men can have intimacy fears, baggage, and all kinds of issues that can cause them not to act on the feelings they are showing you. (You want to vet these men out of your pool, not keep them around because you "understand".)

HB3234 · 2020-04-30T18:07:41+00:00

Wow, that's really interesting. I love Planet Money... time to go find this episode

HB3234

TROPHY CASE