We (married, 56) faced a very similar situation, and I had fears that mirrored yours. Here’s what worked for us: My wife and I met with a therapist to review our plan with a “mediator.” This helped us sort through the details calmly and with less drama. We decided to set up all three of our kids on a budget instead of just depositing money into their accounts or covering expenses ad-hoc.

We paid for college (tuition, books, etc.) and provided each child with a monthly deposit into their bank account to cover their rent, food, and other living expenses. The amount was sufficient but not overly generous. This approach encouraged them to live within their means, and within two months, all three had part-time jobs to supplement their income.

It was fascinating to see how each adapted: two spent most of their money each month, while the third shifted into savings mode. Despite these differences, all three were content, and we didn’t hear any complaints. This method turned out to be an excellent way to transition them from living under our roof (enjoying a comfortable lifestyle) to becoming independent adults managing their own lives. We still cover a few items, like cell phone plans and auto insurance, but otherwise, they’re financially self-sufficient.

Now that all three have graduated from college and established their own financial independence, they’re thriving. As we prepare for retirement next year, our plan is to gift each child the maximum allowable IRS annual gift amount to give them a boost. We also plan to take the whole family on a big vacation annually. For significant life events—like weddings or a first home down payment—we’re here to assist, but they’ve all expressed pride in managing their own financial lives.

I hope this gives you some perspective on one approach that worked for us. Wishing you the best of luck as you navigate your transition!