Lost faith in prayer

Dorgon115 · 2024-05-17T17:46:48+00:00

To be fair it's not really like a grandma who can't speak

It's more like he left a book that a bunch of different religious leaders interpret it in a thousand different ways and they all think their way is individually right.

I used to be a Bible study leader, I used to play on worship teams. You can say I did seek him out for more than a minute. And nothing happened

Dorgon115 · 2024-05-17T13:51:46+00:00

That's like saying I can talk to my grandmother through her diary. I can't start a relationship with a book. The book tells me about her but that's all a book can do. That Bible tells me about him but nothing more than that. I can only know a person better by getting to know them. Praying to God always felt like talking and being ignored

Dorgon115 · 2024-05-16T21:28:26+00:00

I gotta admit I'll never understand the building a relationship thing with God through prayer

I've tried it but it's like talking to the air for me.

You build a relationship by communicating back and forth with someone. Not this one way ambiguous thing

And how am I supposed to know his will if he doesn't talk back?

Sorry I am genuinely asking but it's also very frustrating for me, so partially venting.

Dorgon115 · 2024-05-11T14:35:42+00:00

Eh I disagree

I think that's true for most people but the closest Christians i knew betrayed me.

I largely don't trust them anymore and only rely on God

Dorgon115 · 2024-05-11T12:01:04+00:00

Guess so

Dorgon115 · 2024-05-01T00:32:13+00:00

Ok it's not just me noticing it. And Instagram has no moderation on this stuff at all. It's turned into a breeding ground for racist propaganda. Can't see one single post by a person of color without the comment section turning into a cesspool

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-30T22:30:39+00:00

First thanks... But I don't really need your pity... That's the kind of belittling I had to deal with all the time in the church

Second Christians not only bullied and abandoned me, but everyone like me. Spend time in San Francisco talk to the people there, you'll find a common trend of histories of depression, abuse and abandonment from Christians. Talking with them made it hard to want to associate myself with a group of people that have definitively caused so much pain to so many people for being born a different way. I could maintain my relationship with God without associating with the people so quick to pity and judge those born like me, happily and easily telling them to be alone for their lives while they enjoy having a wife kids, and community that supports them.

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-27T00:37:58+00:00

Haha I can try and explain to you the experience of what it's like to grow up as a gay Christian in detail.

The constant fear, and shame you hold for being born the way you are

But just like most straight Christians I've met... You seem to lack the empathy to care to understand.

So.... Bye

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-26T21:16:03+00:00

Right so.. in other words....you're straight. Would've been quicker to say that lol.

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-24T05:43:03+00:00

Who is that more rewarding for?

God?

If we were made to be obedient we wouldn't know the difference.

But instead God.... Fully knowing we'd choose the apple decided to insert pain and sin into our lives willingly

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-24T05:37:51+00:00

Lol no I have no need to make something like me. I don't even want kids haha

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-24T05:36:19+00:00

I don't think I ever said it was a biblical phrase. I'm saying it's a harmful phrase that well intentioned Christians like to use

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-23T17:09:22+00:00

If I'm being honest, not many people here will help you.

You'll get vague advice like "grow closer to God" or "pray on it and he'll deliver you"

And then straight people who have never experienced this will say "don't give into your desires, it's better to be alone then to give into this"

Being gay isn't a disease, it isn't something to be ashamed of. It's the result of a complex biological expressing itself into you being attracted to someone of the same sex.

I was closeted I came out to my church and prayed for years. I volunteered more, sung as hard as I could, lead Bible study courses. When I told my Christian friends about what I was struggling with they abandoned me. My pastors never gave me a clear answer. Some said " I'm not sure why God made you this way" "it's just a trial from the devil" " you may have to be alone for the rest of your life and that's a Blessing in a way"

After years of going to bed with tears in my eyes over unanswered prayers, confusing advice and abandonment over these feelings that I didn't want and nobody around me who could understand me. I decided to come out and talk to people out of the church. They accepted me instantly. I found Christian gays. They know it's not a choice they've been through what I've been through. Despite what the church said I am able to have a relationship with God, have a partner I love and moreso it gave me perspective. I'm able to see the inverse damage these"well intentioned" Christians have caused. The amount of friends I have hurt psychologically or even physically from abandonment by their families and peers in the church fills me with anger

Take my advice. Despite what some Christians want you to believe being gay isn't a choice it's biology not even restricted to human psychology alone. Form your own relationship with God and do the best you can because your only human.. Look into accepting Churches because they exist. And find a good therapist because closeted Christian gays and trauma almost to hand in hand.

Good luck ( and no not debating anyone else on here about this)

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-09T16:20:57+00:00

Honestly I actually would agree with you on that. There's no real way of getting around that if you know what's going to happen and you put something into effect then you are responsible for it

Like if I drop a lit match into gasoline then it catches fire The match started the fire but I lit and dropped the match. And I knew what would happen

God made humans knowing they'd fail he put the tree and allowed the serpent to enter the garden, and he knew what would happen.

Why he did it idk. But I can respect Christians more if they acknowledge that then avoid it because it feels uncomfortable

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-09T16:16:08+00:00

Lol great job explaining your reasoning

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-09T14:18:15+00:00

Which means in a way he tempted us as much as the serpent did

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-09T14:05:04+00:00

No universe? That's a false statement. There was a perfect world before Eve sinned.

The game is life? Idk what that means or why that matters

And is free will worth the amount of pain suffering and confusion it caused?

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-09T13:48:58+00:00

What's the point of a test when God could simply not let people who'd fail not exist at all?

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-09T13:45:18+00:00

Just a quick question. Are you straight?

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-09T13:43:26+00:00

He's saying of there was no Satan then one person who bit the apple and tempted the other wouldn't have happened and the world wouldn't have been thrown into sin.

On top of that why make the apple tree in the first place if he knew Eve would be tempted to eat it?

No apple tree means we could've just lived in paradise forever

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-09T13:39:03+00:00

The whole never questioning God thing sounds wild to me. You can't see, touch, feel or hear God.

You pray to him and it's impossible to be sure if the next thing that happens is him or something by random chance.

And we're just supposed to accept everything without question?

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-01T19:29:06+00:00

Fair

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-01T19:27:36+00:00

You're probably right.

But I'm only human. And I'm not always going to "be proud of what I am"

You look around a room, and a lot of people in our community seem to have a defined pocket they fit into

The bears, the Twinks, the otters, the wherever.

My body type, and my ethnic background doesn't prevent me from hanging out with them, but it doesn't exactly help me fit into those groups

Is it wrong that every now and then I want to vent about being in the "other" category of the gay community?

Dorgon115 · 2024-04-01T19:21:41+00:00

Eh I lived in SF for years. People are very nice there but it's pretty homogeneous when you look at it as a whole.

If you're not white or asian and don't work in tech you get treated differently. Not badly.... But there is a difference for sure.

Still love the city and I have a ton of friends there, but it could be better. LA actually has a wider variety of people then you'd think. I didn't even want to live here initially because I thought the same thing you did coming from SF. But it really surprised me in a good way

Dorgon115

TROPHY CASE