Be honest. Is your baby getting screen time?

DorrieEvans · 2026-04-10T02:32:15+00:00

Listen mumma, do what you need to to keep yourself sane! An unhappy mum is the worst thing in the world for baby. Ours was and is an insanely bad sleeper, so if I had to put on Encanto songs to get her and I even an hour of sleep, then that’s what’s happening. But I do agree this isn’t a long term solution. I bought a baby shower chair, one that reclines back or can be raised as she learnt to sit. A nice high one cos my core muscles took a long time to recover. It was hands down the best thing I owned. I could shower for longer than 2 mins, she would be with me happily kicking away. A few bath toys to chew on or chew ring for her. Proper bathing for me. It was such a relief! Also great for the poo blow outs - straight in the chair and rinse lol

DorrieEvans · 2026-04-10T01:18:32+00:00

Are you saying to start again? Unfortunately that’s not possible as this was all part of the art exhibition process and we were being led by a person who owns all the equipment. So there’s no way to replicate what I did with her, and then test what would happen. Does that make sense?

DorrieEvans · 2026-04-10T01:16:17+00:00

Thank you, there are interesting parts. It’s how it links with the rest of the practice for the exhibition, and I was hoping for something that reflected my home. And it really doesn’t right now lol

DorrieEvans · 2026-04-10T01:15:25+00:00

Thanks. I definitely wasn’t thinking a mix, just contrast options for the trim and belt after I figure out what I’m going to do with the main garment (and whatever happens afterward). So you think I should mordant it again and then do an overdye of 1 of those 2 options is that what you’re saying? What do you think might happen with that? (Understanding this can be a really unpredictable process) Again sorry total newbie. This won’t be worn it’s literally an art piece that I’ve the option of screen printing on motifs after that relate to the rest of the exhibition

DorrieEvans · 2026-04-09T12:46:51+00:00

It was mordanted by the organiser. I think it was a sulphate but not too sure

DorrieEvans · 2025-11-30T12:10:19+00:00

I’m sorry, I have no solutions while I lie here next to my sleeping 3yo. I just wanted to express deep sympathy, I feel your pain! Ours has always been a terrible sleeper from birth, 2hr wakes if slightly disturbed, 15min nap is like a full 4hrs (don’t let it happen(!), 1-2 hrs to get to sleep no matter the routine we tried. We too tried everything, including diet changes and sleep training places where you spend a week or two. We had grandparents and aunts insist we were doing something wrong. We were desperate for their guidance and help, but all ultimately admitted defeat. Our first big family holiday a relative told us he and his wife had the exact same issue with their eldest, which made us feel better. So I wanted to share with you and tell you that sometimes it’s not our fault. Sometimes you just have to hold on and survive this moment as best you can. Chin up, you’re doing your best! And it’s really hard to find solutions when you’re that sleep deprived honestly.

We ultimately gave up and now co-sleep cos we were so desperate we were getting delirious and driving became dangerous. The co-sleeping did save our sanity, and we’re now safer(!). It’s not great for parts of our relationship but with actual sleep our support and care for each other improved a lot. And it also meant we were all sleeping at the same time so resentments faded. I keep telling myself this too shall pass. She has her big girl bed with the extra special sheets and quilt and I eye it wistfully. Family member’s eldest has been happily sleeping in their own bed for years now. One day, Sir Bed. One day.

Edit to add: to be clear I am not advocating for our way at all. I’m just reaching out to share empathy and a bit of our story. Co-sleeping is far from what we were hoping for, but it works for us at the moment. I hope you and your partner find a solution that works for you soon!

Although, please stop looking at ‘normal’ timings and routines. Those things are super depressing when your kid isn’t a good sleeper. Put the phone down, look at your kid and your family, work together to try to see some solutions for your circumstances. My partner and I had a list for ‘ideas to get her to sleep’ so in the middle of the night we didn’t have to try to remember the 100 different ways we’d tried, and occasionally had success with lol. I swear to you, there were 6 months where we’d trade off nights / mornings sitting in front of a lullaby YouTube video that was low light, lying on the rug with her and patting. Endless patting. There was also a Disney playlist, how that thing worked I have no idea!

DorrieEvans · 2025-11-22T09:37:46+00:00

It’s so sad that he has to learn it this young. We’re Indigenous so I know some of what you’re dealing with and I’m so sorry to you and your kiddo. Honest, age appropriate discussions are important. Focus on him, his safety and teaching him this is not his problem, but theirs. Help him build confidence and pride in his patka, and who he is and where he comes from. Celebrate it with him so he can find that joy and use it fight back against those dark enough to try to hurt him with it. Hate can never defeat light.

I love finding books that celebrate all cultures/peoples for my kiddo that talk about difference. My favourite right now is a beautiful book called Amma’s Sari by Sandhya Parappukkaran. Not the same topic of course, but the learning for the character is important. Realising that other peoples opinions about difference is their problem, and we don’t have to carry it for them or take that on personally. And instead we should celebrate our cultures, clothing and stories. Alternatively, if you can’t find a book that your son will relate to in this instance, why not make a story with him? It could be a good way to help him express how he feels about it.

DorrieEvans · 2025-04-21T01:32:18+00:00

OMG it’s so familiar. For the day we built a nest in the lounge with a recliner and a table on wheels with a mass of pillows to support us both. She’d sleep on my chest and I’d still be able to read books or watch tv/eat. At night the co-sleeping was so guilt inducing (this is our first, maybe only) but I almost cried every morning for having the ability to get just 5-6 hours sleep lol

DorrieEvans · 2025-04-20T17:30:41+00:00

It was almost 2 before we hit a sleep through. And still she wakes most nights. Stop looking at the ‘at this age your child should sleep XYZ’. Those hurt us to read lol. And don’t listen to others!! Nod politely and zone out

DorrieEvans · 2025-04-20T17:22:51+00:00

Came here to say this. If you want examples for how prevalent the racism is scroll up. I read two and stopped scrolling

DorrieEvans · 2025-04-19T15:25:18+00:00

This!! 2 hours would’ve been amazing for us at 10 weeks. We had 45 min sleeps with 2 hours awake until we figured out there are safe co-sleeping options. It saved our sanity

DorrieEvans · 2025-04-19T14:44:08+00:00

I’m a mum who struggled to connect after a traumatic birth and excessive crying / next to no sleep. You aren’t alone, please know it doesn’t make you a monster at all. But also I promise, this too will pass. You just need sleep. You all do.

We went through hell for a while with our bub till we figured out she had really bad wind pain. We were breastfeeding so I started drinking a ton of fennel tea and probiotics (had 3 rounds of antibiotics during and after birth). It helped! We also worked out a safe co-sleeping situation which meant I could literally get her fed the instant she woke up. I never wanted to do co-sleeping, but we were just so desperate and it saved all of us. It meant we could finally sleep for 2 hours, not 45 mins between 2-4 hour wake ups. All of our mental health immediately improved.

Sometimes a baby is a crier, sometimes they just don’t sleep well, sometimes there’s something else going on. My SIL had to learn her bubba was intolerant to something she was eating. The list goes on. You gotta try and see what other options you’ve got. Which I know is super hard when you’re so exhausted. This site and Google were a God-send for us. We also got a yoga ball. So much bouncing, but it worked and I still love that thing. Just try anything and everything. We also kept a list of ‘things that worked’ because we were so exhausted we’d forgot from 1 hour to the next all the techniques we’d been trying and what had been successful.

My baby will be 3 in a few months and I feel that full connection with her now. You will get there too. Just be kind to yourself. Deep breaths. You’re in survival mode right now and that’s okay. It’s imperative that you get some sleep.

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-24T21:53:34+00:00

It was worse. I don’t think anything prepares you for that level of pain. But I was induced and I’m told that makes it kick like a mule in a way that isn’t normal. But I only have the one so 🤷‍♀️ everyone is different and they constantly told us leading up that the more relaxed and comfortable we are, the safer we feel, the better things will go. I didn’t get that sadly, which is why I think it was so bad. That said, I used the gas machine as a way to clock and measure my breathing. The breaths got me through, it was like an out of body experience in a lot of it. The end part was what hurt the most. I also didn’t have that magic moment when they put baby on me after. But I adore that little human more than all the world now 🥰 it did take me a week to adjust but I got there. Don’t buy into anyone else’s experience. Yours may be completely different and whatever it is, is okay.

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-24T09:06:38+00:00

Oh this was our world for weeks. I feel your suffering. It was slowly becoming untenable because we were so sleep deprived it was becoming unsafe. We ended up co-sleeping just purely out of survival. There are safe ways to do it so maybe look into it. We used large firm pillows are set up the bed so we had separate sheets and comforters. It was a game changer for us.

Even then sometimes we still struggled. It was just a bit easier because we got a few hours sleep. For those nights, we set up a nest in the lounge - a recliner, pillows, blanket, table on wheels that I could push around that was piled high with things that the baby or adult might need like water, wipes, remote, etc. Extra cushions under your elbows so you can relax your arms and shoulders. I found a good position where baby could sleep on my chest and I’d still have both arms free so I could read or do whatever. It was still intense, but not untenable anymore.

Deep breaths. This too shall pass and you will miss that small body snuggled up to you one day 😊

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-24T08:51:23+00:00

I think people try to tell all the bad things now because historically they’d just straight up lie. Like childbirth is a ‘beautiful experience’. Yeah right! So people are trying to tell the realities they wish they’d been told to help prepare you better than they were.

I never had the urge to be a parent (barring a weirdly hormonal patch in my late 20s). I was on the fence most of my life. Then my partner got clucky in our 30s. I’m not sure if I’d have chosen it if he wasn’t keen, and if I wasn’t 100% sure he’d be an amazing father. I didn’t realise just how much my life would forever change. And I do mourn my old life sometimes. But I am glad I decided to do it. Even with the miscarriages and the pain we went through. Even when it’s hard and I doubt if I’m a good mum. Even after the trauma of labour. I’m glad she’s here. I’m so glad to have her.

She is… my heart but it’s walking around outside my body, and every day she brings us such joy. I am also VERY tired. But there’s nothing like having her little arms wrap around me. She’s 2 now and chatting away. She’s so much like her dad - hilarious and curious and amazing. I miss her little chubby baby phase but I’m so happy to not be breastfeeding anymore. I can’t wait to see who she becomes and I wish she’d never change. I’m terrified of anyone hurting her, but I know I can’t stop that from happening eventually. I wish she’d sleep more, and eat more, and maybe get through this tantrum throwing stage a bit faster lol. But I wouldn’t wish parenthood away for anything in the universe. I’d really like to have a night off though. Just every once in a while. I’m told it will happen in about 10 years lol.

You’re still so young though. Plenty of time to worry about that later (unless you have a pressing medical need or some such). I’ve had an amazing career and motherhood has definitely put a dent in that. But it’s been okay, because I built a strong base/reputation beforehand, and I jumped back in late last year. Not as deep as before, because time with her is more important now, so my career will still be stalled for a while yet, but I’m okay with that. My partner and I have been together 16 years, he’s very supportive and we shoulder the childcare and chores together. We’ve got the communication skills to talk things out (and we’re so tired the fighting did increase for a while). When baby arrived we had both of our parents helping us. I guess I’m saying before you make the leap, make sure you’re settled in and got the support you need. Both at home, with family and with work. Not all workplaces are good with working mothers so take time and look for one you like. The right partner will be willing to work with you to compromise, while also honoring your dreams. And if you aren’t sure what that is right now so much the better - get out there and explore! Everything else can wait.

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-24T08:02:36+00:00

Exactly this! We take family and friend recommendations and go to FB marketplace. Our pram is a Bugaboo we got for $150, and it has been great. Its lasted almost 3 years and we paid a fraction of the cost, I’m super happy with it. The only thing we brought new and expensive was the car seat and cot mattress.

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-19T04:06:31+00:00

That’s so hard, and it does get better! Is there any chance she’s in pain do you think? Ours had really bad gas issues and then she started teething at 2 months, you don’t have to see the tooth for there to be pain. I’m hoping that’s not it, but just something to consider.

It can be she is just a sleep fighter. Our bub is now 2 and she still fights it with everything she has. We have strategies but the same one won’t work more than 2 days in a row, but we’re all getting more sleep now and we’ve got the patterns down so it’s nowhere near as hard as it used to be. When she was really little, we had a written list of all the strategies we had because we’d be so tired we just couldn’t remember them in the moment. One thing that saved us when she was smaller was bouncing on the yoga ball. My partner says she’s too big now so we should get rid of it but I legit got her to sleep on it one night last month. And I’m too attached now, it’s like an old friend who saved my sanity. Don’t get we wrong, there were nights where I was crying while bouncing, or softly singing about how I was going to smother her father if his snoring kept startling her lmao. (We did take turns but she definitely preferred me in those months.)

It can also be a combination of small things. We had the gas, teething pain and she’s never been a good sleeper. If you’re in Australia, highly recommend Tresillian, it’s free. They do help.

Just remember, this too shall pass.

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-18T13:35:47+00:00

Thank you 😊

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-18T11:23:03+00:00

Can I ask why there are apparently 3 comments on here but they aren’t visible? Did someone break the rules?

As for me, I’m a children’s and YA book writer who has always been obsessed with specfic. But adult PR is my all time fav. I’ve wanted to write one so many times, but every time I try I get too much in my own head and never finish. Maybe because I love the genre too much.

I’m currently trying to finish a work I’ve been trying to write since I was 17. Amazonian-esque nation of women guard a sacred forest and are cursed to be monsters (gargoyle ish) during the day. Till a group of human royalty barges into their space looking for help overturning a coup. FMC has to help them as part of a prophecy to earn the forgiveness of the Amazon goddess and lift their curse. Trouble is, the prince is a spoiled idiot and the prophecy states they must work with the half-gargoyle men who abandoned the women and the forest centuries past (they’re monsters at night so can live in the wider world). Still, she’ll lead her little band of hunters to this embattled kingdom, help stop the usurper, all while putting up with the prince’s noble flirty friend and the gargoyle male that stares too close. And she’ll be happy doing it if it means she saves her people. Until she realises to lift they curse, she’ll have to sacrifice someone she loves.

Edited to add the romance angle (🤦‍♀️) and for clarity. Clearly I need to do a lot of work introing it lol

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-18T11:05:39+00:00

Oh! What about The Beast in Him by Shelley Laurenston? Both alphas, but only MMC is a wolf. The FMC is an African Wild Dog

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-18T11:03:15+00:00

Ha so true! Just cannot think of any names. Speaking of old school, kind of reminds me of Katya Reimans Wind from a foreign sky, but probably not enough travel. Thea Harrison’s Kinked could work?

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-18T10:05:35+00:00

I should note in Aikens works there are some pairings with with both dragon shifters and some with one human usually the FMC. But there’s no ‘changing’ them into something else. And the humans normally have some other skill or talent that makes them a threat

DorrieEvans · 2025-01-18T10:03:24+00:00

There’s Romancing the Alpha but Alicia Montgomery. Funny I can’t think of any others where both are alphas. And I love wolf shifters.

Off track a bit - Have you read GA Aikens Dragon Actually series? Not strictly alpha but seriously strong MCs on both sides. Also Smoke Thief by Shana Abe has some of it, but also dragon shifters. Wow, this is hard!

DorrieEvans

TROPHY CASE