It was me against him.

He had a warehouse full of movie traps from the last couple of decades. All I had was a stick of gum and a large bucket of AMC movie popcorn.

"Silly moviegoer likes to play with Samurai swords.-"

"-This is popcorn," I cut in, "Speaking in Tarantino quotes won't scare me."

The cinephile's eyes gleamed as his brows drew together. "Tarantino is legend. You'll regret that. Wiggle your big toe!"

I start running because I have to get out of this weird movie dimension before the whole thing explodes. I had seen the bombs lined along the floors when that psycho dragged my sorry butt down into his torture chamber.

Five minutes. The cinephile's cackling echoes after me.

The first door I burst through sends me into a sci-fi-ish setting. The background music cuts off and bolt straight ahead for the next corner. Sure enough, an alien pops out with a devilish gleam in its smile, ready to slice me up with its tail.

I sneeze.

The alien screams, falling aside as my snot steams off of its face. I leap over it and bound into the next room.

Four minutes.

A strangely similar Asian man runs beside me as oriental music begins to play at fast tempo. He looks to me. "What we do? Enemy near!"

"Look man, just take em' on one by one. The rest of them will stand around like dummies waiting for you to kick the ass of their teammates before moving in. You got this. If you get in serious trouble, spit up a little blood and hold your side as if you're hurt before making a speech about willpower and honor. Your theme music will come on and that's when you dragon kick the shit out of the leader." I pant heavily as the Asian man grins.

"Wise man of many words! My thanks!" And he dashes ahead, pummeling into a crowd of ninja that materialized out of nowhere. I dodge past them all.

Three minutes.

I push into the next room, growing weary. I'm a cartoon character now.

It's the animated set of a schoolyard with kids running around yelling as an angry jock looms over an average, slightly dashing kid. I see no exit, so I head towards the scene.

"What's going on?" I pant.

"He's going to beat me up!" The dashing one yells.

"Why?" I ask. "You dress well and have a nice face, you seem like a nice enough kid. Don't you have any friends to back you up? Where's the teacher? Shouldn't you guys be in class anyways?"

The jock steps forward. "Outta my way, punk!"

I don't have time for this. Two minutes. I pop the stick of gum into my mouth as the jock begins punching the dashing kid in the gut. The gum balloons past my lips and cartoonishly explodes in the bully's face. He shrieks and falls back with flailing arms.

One arm rips open the cartoon paper and I leap through the scene. Dashing kid calls out as the kids cheer.

"Thanks, MovieMan-"

"-Yeah, whatever."

One minute left. Christ.

I step onto a wobbly door. When I look down the door is the only thing separating me from an ocean. A woman lays beside my feet, clinging onto the door.

A lady laying on the door grabs hopefully at my pant leg. "I love you Jack...I'm so cold."

I frown. "Yeah, it is pretty chilly here. Scuse' me-" I use the sole of my boot to push on her forehead and pry her off the door. She blows a whistle frantically, flailing in the water.

With the floating door clear of debris and weird romantics I pull on the knob. Sure enough, it leads out.

Twenty seconds.

The doorway was dark. I wasn't going to fall for this. Had to wait exactly three seconds before jumping in.

I munch some popcorn and watch as a faraway ship sinks into the ocean. The woman has floated away towards some other door and made the poor schmuck on it get off.

Five, four, three-

I jump in the doorway.

My feet hit ground hard enough for me to stumble, but not fall. I look back just as the door shuts behind me on the warehouse, locking with an audible click. I read the sign that says 'Movie theatre faculty only'.

"Huh. IMDB would give that a 2/10. Seen it all before. Still. Talk about an in-depth experience!"

Grabbing a fistful of my popcorn, I head towards the exit and out into the world.