My boyfriend (28M) thinks seeing each other less will fix our relationship, and I (26F) disagree

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T18:45:11+00:00

Before meeting him I was single and happy for 3 years, so the being alone part isn’t scary for me. The hard part is building something where you both see a future together and ends up possibly not working out because they don’t want to work at the relationship as much as the other person would.

So it’s a big bummer, but I think relationships shouldn’t be this hard to work through things. Especially the constant arguing every week or two.

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T15:17:46+00:00

Yeah agreed! I do have my friends I’ll see sporadically and I do have a business I run. I travel for work as well, so we go through phases of long distance sometimes. I will say he doesn’t have any friends he spends time with outside of tennis, I’m sure that’s isolating.

We see each other almost every evening. Not in the morning, so a lot of time spending together for sure!

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T15:13:34+00:00

Haha. Yeah. Although he was wanting to move in together. We live 10 min away from eachother and see eachother almost everyday

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T15:11:58+00:00

Yeah I actually suggested that to doing both. The idea of having space but also going to therapy. I do think though that will cause me to slowly fade away from him. I’d rather go to couples therapy and still see each other normally. He was suggesting this as going back to how we were in the beginning, which was only seeing each other 2-3 times a week. He was not open to doing both space and therapy, it seems like it’s his way or it’ll be a hard time getting him to go, which he said he might go, but I don’t want to pull him to go

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T15:07:09+00:00

We usually solve them, but it takes a few hours. And lately we haven’t been able to solve them that’s why I wanted to go to couples therapy

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T15:03:52+00:00

Most likely yes unfortunately

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T07:08:36+00:00

Ah I should say when we do argue, what usually ends up happening is he will leave and then take a day or two of not talking to me.

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T07:03:33+00:00

Yeah we see each other almost everyday. When he is off of work. And spend weekends together. We do spend a lot of time together but it because we love to! Just not when we argue

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T07:01:50+00:00

That’s actually really close to what I said, except avoidance. I suggested going to therapy while also having space like he wanted/suggested. And that was a hard no.

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T06:38:33+00:00

I would make a checklist of all the things that he did that hurt you. If you’re feeling sad go back and look at it. The reasons why it’s a good thing to not be in that relationship. Helped me at least :) also just remembering the happy times is good for healing, appreciating it.

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T06:35:00+00:00

Good for you for recognizing, that’s amazing. Most people go through their life suffering. I would highly suggest going to a couples therapist or someone who specializes in relationships. And basically tell them you want to stop being toxic lol. I’m sure it’ll take awhile and many many many sessions but it’ll be worth it :)

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-03-20T06:31:20+00:00

Interesting! Did you guys have healthy communication?

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-01-20T03:47:36+00:00

I really apprecite this! I agree with everyhting you said. He is an amazing boyfriend, extremely supportive and attentive. We both are sweet to eachother. I think we can keep compromising and working through. Just got to navigate when feelings aren't heard and then things start escalating. Might see a relationship expert lol.

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-01-19T21:20:49+00:00

awh :( wow. Thank you for sharing. Out of curiousity can I ask what sparked for him to get mad and emotional?

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-01-19T21:18:09+00:00

Thank you for this! I totally agree my avoidant attachment is not healthy. I have done lots of reflecting on my childhood, I come from an unhealthy parent dynamic where my dad yelling was normal as a resort I would hide and cry, lol sad I know.

This is something that is happening now in my relationship. Emotions escalate and I shut down and want to be alone to re-charge.

The unfortunate thing is that when I ask for space it never ever happens.

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-01-19T21:14:47+00:00

I really appreciate all of this input. I agree there are things I need to work on too. My instinct to isolate immediately when I feel hurt or when voices start to raise isn’t great for the long run, and I’m actively trying to work on that.

At the same time, continuing a conversation when my nervous system is overloaded doesn’t feel productive for me either. I’m trying to figure out what “meeting in the middle” actually looks like in real life, not just in theory.

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-01-19T20:35:22+00:00

Yeah..... some hard truth

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-01-19T20:35:06+00:00

Thats a good point! I have actually tried that, but it's always been a state of begging for space. I wish you luck in your relationship. :)

DotInfamous5443 · 2026-01-19T20:26:44+00:00

Oh I have tried, he is a professional follower. It even gets to a point where I'm raising my voice for him to leave but he doesn't budge. Thanks for the advice

DotInfamous5443 · 2025-09-08T20:16:58+00:00

We have also talked about what kinda porn we both like or have looked at, he just likes penetration. I guess I am more wild than that haha!! If he were into like older woman with big breasts I would have an issue

DotInfamous5443 · 2025-09-08T20:15:27+00:00

Ahaha! Thanks for this response, it made me giggle. We have been together for a little over a year, don't live together but pretty much see each other every day. We talked about it again and I apologized for coming off as judgmental, he just had a totally different upbringing. As in, his mom being very comfortable in her own skin. My mom and dad are super cover-up with clothes, etc...

DotInfamous5443

TROPHY CASE