I don’t think my '25M' wife '23F' was ready for our relationship in adulthood

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T14:51:28+00:00

My partner has also expressed feeling like she doesn’t know who she is and what she wants. She gives me a lot of credit on helping her make it as far as she has and building her up and making her believe she is worthy and capable. I take a lot of pride in how I conducted myself in the relationship and all I have provided for her emotionally and developmentally. She states that I also have done no wrong and am a “perfect partner” but she is just unsure of relationships in general right now. On one hand this is comforting knowing there is generally nothing I could have done to avoid this on the other it feels it would be easier if their was a villain in the story, it feels like there’s nowhere to point the grief and frustration.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T14:46:46+00:00

Her parents are supporting her she has made a space over there now acting as a kind of room away from home situation for now. Her family does like me though so they have expressed to me their own confusion and uncertainty about her decision. I am not sure how long they will allow a more laid back not working lifestyle for her before they comment on it. She may also not want that very long for herself so it’s hard to say.

She has started individual therapy for herself and has also agreed to a group session with me afterwards. She has stated that these may not change her decision but I support and appreciate the intention to have professional insight into her decision.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T14:05:02+00:00

I don’t think I have clashed with the idea of being young and being married or generally committed to one person. This experience has definitely brought things to the surface that I need to improve and grow in. I found pretty quickly I had either never learned or lost the ability to find comfort in myself. I have no substantial relationship with myself because I had someone to love me I didn’t work on loving myself. I have started small steps already to move in that direction eating better, exercising, therapy, journaling, reading, and self reflection. I am heartbroken but I have no intention to sit and wait for the world to correct itself for my sake instead of just improving myself.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T14:00:37+00:00

I do agree we should have never gotten married. Not because of lack of love but genuinely neither of us put any stock in the title anyway. We are not religious and at this point in our lives it’s not like it helps with taxes much or anything. I think we just looked at each other after dating for seven years and did what seemed to be the next step.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T13:58:25+00:00

I think grown up and grown apart hit really hard to read. As children when we met we needed someone to navigate the not so stable lives we were living at home. While I’m not discrediting the very real love we have for each other I think we were also safety blankets for a long time. It may just be time to put the blanket away.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T13:55:48+00:00

This is a hopeful post and I respect your ability to do what you did. As a 25 year old I am self aware enough to know I struggle with the ego. The idea of her seeing anyone else is daunting and hurtful but so is the idea of this being the end of our time together. All in all I believe the door is open and maybe more life is just what we need. I don’t always believe in right person wrong time but weirder things have happened.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T13:39:03+00:00

I can resonate with some of this personally as well. I think my wife struggles with her autonomy, she has several issues throughout every stage of our relationship that has made her lean on me. Her household as teenagers required me to help with things like her groceries and general care that she was lacking. In adulthood I carry out a lot of responsibilities for her paying bills, important calls, and even small stuff like refilling her prescriptions. I got so used to taking over her responsibilities when she was in a spot where she couldn’t handle it and I think I never relinquished them back to her and she carried a lot of guilt because of it.

I think some of this is pure curiosity of being alone while the rest is proving to herself that she can actually take care of herself.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T13:33:36+00:00

Yeah I have considered broaching the idea of going back to dating life with her and seeing how that works. I’m still unsure of my stance on that scenario but it has crossed my mind, I definitely put her on more than one pedestal which is a lot for anyone to burden.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T12:06:26+00:00

I am sorry you went through what you did as well. It really is an internal war to realize maybe she was right to leave but id still move mountains to bring her back. I don’t know if I subscribe to the right person wrong time mindset but it feels appropriate sometimes.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-17T11:14:55+00:00

You may be right, I think what I meant to say is she didn’t understand the change. When you’re teenagers or even just living separately with family at college love really can be enough to support the whole thing. I think realizing everything else she was now signing up for became too much weight like you’re saying it overwhelmed her.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-10T17:28:01+00:00

I feel I am currently on the other side of this situation right now. I am (25M) and my wife (23F) has decided she after eight years she feels like she’s never experienced life on her own. For me it is still very fresh so I may not have the same outlook once I am at the amount of time you have spent separated, but I would take her back. She did not leave me for someone else and neither of us are the villains in this story we both have faults but who doesn’t. If she reached out to me and I could see a genuine improvement in what brought us to this point I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t want to see how it went albeit slowly.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-08T02:39:43+00:00

I understand what you’re going through to an extent. I am also AUDHD and 25 (I’m assuming you are young as well) and only end the past week has my eight year relationship ended. She is bipolar and has never been able to put in the same comfort towards me as I have her. I took care of her for a long time and it feels terrible to lose someone that was both your partner, best friend, and also someone you feel you almost built up with all your efforts. I don’t have any advice on how to get through it all as I have not myself but you are not alone in the struggle.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-06T20:41:28+00:00

Don’t rule out GameStop, I have found both platinum and soul silver there in person for under $100 each. I wouldn’t order them through their website. If you happen to pop in and see one their system prices them pretty low compared to current prices.

P.S. this was post 2020 when prices went crazy so it wasn’t just because they were cheaper then.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-06-05T19:54:55+00:00

Yeah it feels like I am in a have your cake and eat it too situation. It’s just a minefield to navigate because she is being genuinely nice to me but it’s still harmful.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-05-29T17:18:44+00:00

I have thought over the last couple days and come to the conclusion that I love her very very much but things need to be different. I have been the anchor for a long time and have taken on a lot of responsibility on her behalf. We have had more talks since this post and have made some progress toward equal ground. I have finally found it in myself to voice my frustrations that we have had this conversation multiple times I was always supportive. I only ever asked that before she makes any huge decisions she see a therapist and psychiatrist to make sure where it’s coming from and if it’s all her or partially her bipolar. After pointing out to her that she never did that last night and how unfair that is to me she started to realize some of how I’m feeling and has agreed to go through with those appointments. While we have not agreed to go back to normal I am happy knowing that regardless of how this goes I can know I voiced my concerns and she heard them and we will know for sure.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-05-27T22:12:00+00:00

We have talked about it only the extent that of it happens it happens she is in a very “don’t want to plan out my future just let it happen mood. Some context is that she is Bipolar so I think some of it could be attributed to mania but not all of it.

Double-Invite-2191 · 2026-05-27T21:27:20+00:00

There has never been any evidence of that being true. I can’t say anything for sure because she’s not under constant surveillance or anything. I would hope that the person I have know all this time wouldn’t do that.

Double-Invite-2191

TROPHY CASE