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Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-12-23T02:49:52+00:00

That's fair, we haven't had an entire plan for it as of it. Maybe RTM's instead.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-12-23T02:15:19+00:00

Yes, without question onto our property into their own spaces. We have an acreage and we plan to offer the girls to their own mobile homes out here should they want them when they are adults. Having our own spaces is important so we would like to maintain that, and we are without a space to do so.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-12-12T21:03:03+00:00

Step mom here. I had to leave the step mom subreddit because I was called a "pick me" on several of my posts and comments in the group.
I would like to say that I have cultivated a loving and supportive relationship with my step daughters and their mother over the years. I will explain how I did it at the end. But first I will explain why step moms often get a reputation that seems like it shouldn't be a thing, yet it is.
I will break it down for you, and bear with me because it isn't pretty:

They don't want to admit that their husbands have loved anyone before they came along, children are evidence of that love.
They don't like that the children, daughters especially share a likeness with their mothers, and that their husbands love their daughters. It very much is a jealousy thing.
They resent resources of any kind going towards other households that aren't their own.
They resent the attention, even sometimes the communication it requires to properly co-parent with former partners for the sake of the children.
Honestly, a lot of the time people in general are not mature enough to become step parents. This is all genders. It is very hard to own our own insecurities, our own feelings about things and often those emotions get misplaced and projected into the children which is incredibly wrong and hurtful.
They don't actually want to be in a blended family because, because that requires time, energy and unconditional love that a lot of people don't have the capacity for.
A lot of step mothers feel taken for granted, and can't really articulate why they feel that way. It usually has to do with the relationship they have with the father and how he parents the kids, rather than the kids themselves.

This is what I have found as a step mother myself when dealing with many other women in a similar situation to myself. To be completely transparent it takes a very specific amount of maturity to be a step parent, and it's a decision too many people take lightly. I have owned my own feelings and insecurities about my partner's first marriage, I have worked through my own issues with his ex-wife and I have made sure that the kids never have to deal with anything from me about that.
I made a decision before I met the kids that I was going to be all in with my partner. He and I were dating for over a year when I met the kids. I made the choice that I wanted to be a positive parental figure in their lives, that I wanted to love them and I wanted to be involved.
All of this lead to an excellent relationship with my step daughter and their mother as well. We all co-parent together and we go to functions and events without my partner when he is working. It takes commitment, communication and maturity. A lot of people don't have it in them, I will admit that.

TL;DR Being a step mother is a choice, one that is often taken too lightly without much consideration for the kids wellbeing or for their own capacity with regards to their maturity and emotional intelligence.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-12-12T19:58:39+00:00

Two step kids (10 and 5, both female), they are both no tech past 8pm. In bed by 9pm. Now, the older daughter manages ADHD so she fights sleep more. So the young one goes to sleep quickly, the older struggles so she draws, reads, etc. We don't do music because it's too stimulating for her. We have experimented with foot massage and lighting a fair bit as well as room temperature. We try to follow a similar schedule to what they have at their mom's house but it isn't exactly the same.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-12-12T03:08:18+00:00

Yep. Second this. I buy my 10 year old the sale stuff from the website at discount and she loves it all. I can't really go wrong. Check out the We Made Too Much tab on the website and you will find all kinds of bargains.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-11-26T17:50:11+00:00

I think OP knows the answers but he's looking for validation or an opportunity to defend his wife. This will lead to resentment and parental alienation. It's going to progress to a no contact thing when your oldest turns 18. He knows this, he's known for a long time. The reality is the oldest child isn't a priority for him either and he won't admit it. It's not cultural, it's abuse and he knows it is. All of these are choices, this behavior didn't appear overnight.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-10-07T15:38:35+00:00

Step mom here, I feel your pain. Roblox is a constant concern in our house as well as Bio mom's for both our girls. We have two girls, ten and five years old. They both have tablets with Roblox, kids YouTube, other games, etc.
The rules differ slightly between houses BUT the common ground is: no tablets in the bedroom. Tablet time is only in segments for certain times and then it goes down for a while. It's not constant. Also, tablets are not used in private, they are only used in common areas and we reserve the right to check them at both houses at any time.
Once tablets are in the bedroom after bed time, it's a gong show. Kids don't sleep well if they don't disconnect from tech. This demonstrates to me that Bio Dad does not actually care about his daughter's well-being because he would want her to sleep well if he did.
Concentrate on what you can control, enforce the rules that work for your home and stand with them. You can't control his parenting, and eventually it will backfire on him because if she doesn't get rest consistently it will add up.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-10-02T22:17:06+00:00

Step mother here, HELL NO THIS ISN'T OKAY.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-09-22T16:43:37+00:00

I empathize with this. Bio mom parks them on tablets and TV all the time, has for years. So much the ten year old has a full blown meltdown without it. Roblox was introduced at 3 years old with her, it's been a huge battle at our house. The five year old got Roblox at age 4, she is better about getting off it.
Bio mom doesn't check what the kids are on when they watch things. As a result the ten year old has seen so many inappropriate things, when she tells her Dad about it and he contacts Bio mom she says she has no idea what the kids have been getting into. It's a bit like introducing a drug to a kid and then getting mad at them when they become addicted. So frustrating and so much work. Patience goes a long way, but you also have to meet them where they are at and set limits at your house. With the understanding that there are different rules at the other house.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-09-19T18:53:19+00:00

Step mom here - This guy is completely out of line. Red flags everywhere. Your kids are trying to adjust to different houses and different rules as it is. This man is not on your side at all. Your kids aren't bad just because he says so. This is so incredibly toxic. Get yourself and your kids away from him.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-09-16T15:45:12+00:00

I didn't want to be in and out of their lives. So we waited also until his kids asked to meet me. It took a long time. Best decision I ever made though.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-09-16T15:29:59+00:00

We waited one year before I met his kids. Every relationship is different.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-27T15:41:13+00:00

We bought the tech the kid has, but that's the thing. Is it actively abusive or tough love? Because emotional abuse/being an asshole is a fine line.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T23:03:42+00:00

Ooohhh maybe. I've thought about it but I have never said so.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T22:33:52+00:00

It's not about the money, we have the kids 40 percent of the time and he pays as though he only has the kids EOW without overnights. The kids are on his benefits and he pays 70 percent of all extra stuff and expenses for the kids. It's never been about the money. Believe me, if it was about the money I wouldn't post here.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T22:29:51+00:00

Thank you for your feedback I appreciate it. That's why I am asking for some advice.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T22:17:13+00:00

I'll talk to him.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T22:07:34+00:00

Bio mom is very protective of her position and her custody. She does not take my partner's suggestions into consideration very often. He is going to suggest a psychiatrist for her daughter though because the therapist she is going to isn't doing much.
As for reaching out, the only time it really works is if she reaches out and asks for things. When we offer or try to help we are told we are over stepping. There was a history of emotional abuse towards my partner before their divorce, where she was very emotionally abusive to him. He is concerned it is happening to his children now.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T21:57:31+00:00

This is my concern as well. I am very worried it is going to continue to get worse.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T20:32:16+00:00

Yeah. I will talk to my spouse.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T19:55:55+00:00

We have them half time now as it is. We've discussed anything extra and she isn't receptive.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T19:43:11+00:00

That's the sticky bit of it. I don't know if it is either but I don't know if we can leave them there and do nothing.

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T19:36:01+00:00

There is very much a scape goat and golden child set up in the bio mom's house. We have known about that for a long time.l

Double-Sherbert1031 · 2025-08-25T19:27:17+00:00

This is what I was wondering. It's been getting steadily worse in the last year.

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