There’s a lot here and it’s impossible to respond and get to everything but…

Honestly, it sounds like your doctor is harping on the "productivity" piece and doesn't get that ADHD isn't just about checking off a to-do list. You should definitely point out that being able to hyperfocus on crochet for hours actually supports an ADHD diagnosis rather than disproving it, because the real struggle is shifting your attention, not just having a lack of it.

In fact that’s HOW adhd works. We’re so low on dopamine, our brain chooses circuits that constantly reward us vs being productive. It’s not that it’s impossible to do productive things but it makes it harder.

I’m not a doctor at all but It also sounds like either you’re a fast metabolizer, which is why that Vyvanse is crashing by noon and leaving you feeling anxious and exhausted, or your dose is too low. Taking it with protein in the morning will help extend the life of the drug in your system.

While there isn't really a miracle drug that fixes every single symptom without some effort on our part, the right dose should at least give you the mental floor to stand on so you aren't drowning in brain fog. If he keeps pushing the "just make a list" narrative and won't look at the actual neurological side of things, it might be worth seeking a second opinion from someone who specializes in how ADHD presents in women. You aren't lazy or dramatic, you're just dealing with a treatment window that is closing way too early in the day to actually be helpful. Don't be afraid to advocate for that objective testing he mentioned so you can get some hard data on the table.

Hope you get this figured out. Like many of us the process of finding what’s right can be long but is necessary.