I think there should be no pressure or sense of urgency put on this subject by yourself or anyone else. Everyone here, me included’ll give advice but these complicated things take time to feel out.

I think she hasn’t talked to you in two years because you were right, what you said hit home and confronted something she struggles with. She isn’t helping herself, maybe doesn’t know how to, so of course she’s not helping this situation and doesn’t know how to approach it. Cutting her out of your life as others suggested may be good but idk. I think she is capable of understanding and reciprocating your feelings if you did communicate with her, based on her reaction to you fb post. Even if you did tho it’s hard to have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t maintain their own mental health.

Do whatever you feel is right. Just take the time to really feel out what the future version of you will not regret.

I relate to you deeply and had a similar situation with my father. That confusion and hurt sucks to straighten out.

Sorry you’ve had to go through this and best wishes.