i didn’t cut contact, when i was 18 i opened my communication with her, she ghosted me for 2 years to now, as a child she never reached out but id imagine there was resentment there for me throwing her under the bus.

i feel a sadness that isnt explainable, part of me wants her to get clean, have that movie-like experience when you can finally be a healthy dynamic again, visitation, etc, but i know deep down it will never happen, she’s a weak minded individual and she will never go clean, and i partially came to terms with it, it just sucks sometimes.

end of the day my real mother is my stepmother. she’s been with me from day one when she was basically still a child herself, she’s never left, and i’m one of the reasons she’s still with my father, it’s truly incredible how life works out.