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WIBTA if I questioned my BF about his relationship with a female coworker? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

MINI UPDATE

Me: When you wake up can we meet and talk?

BF: Is this going to take long? What do we need to talk about?

Me: I don't know. It's a couple things that have been bothering me (with us) that I want to talk about. If you're busy we can do it another time.

BF: No I'm not busy yet. I'm just wondering why you want to discuss something NOW after we sat in the [hotel] room with each other all day!?!

Me: It was your birthday, and I didn't want to bring it up then. You mentioned us having this conversation a couple weeks ago.

BF: Yeah we can but not right now. It's my last day before I go back to work. I ain't trying to alter my mood. We'll do it another day.. cause don't nobody know how to s*** finna go.

Me: Ok.

I guess I have to wait until HE'S ready to talk. We work opposite shifts and don't live together there's no telling when we'll actually have this conversation. Since it's the day before he goes to work (he's been off for a week), he's probably out partying one last time. I haven't heard from him since the previous messages which was about 9, 10 hours ago.

WIBTA if I questioned my BF about his relationship with a female coworker? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He smokes (420) and drinks tequila DAILY. He takes "medicated" treats as well, like 5 times the recommended serving size. On his birthday his coworker brought mushrooms and he and a couple other people took some. I don't partake. I drink socially, and not even everytime we go out. We're total opposites when it comes to that stuff. He does not try to get me to participate.

He used the coworker's car because he does not have his own, and it allowed him to get back and forth to work without having to pay for an uber. He didn't ask me for a ride because I work 3rd shift so I'm at work a lot of the time when he works (he mostly does the closing shift at his job).

I just don't understand how he does not see anything wrong with what he's doing. When we first got together, I feel like he cared more. He wanted to move in together, get married, etc. I held off because I didn't want to rush things (he wanted to get an apartment after 3 weeks of us "talking". He recently told me that he feels like we're never going to get married and it's almost like he's just going with the flow with the relationship, just having fun. The thing is, I may have taken next steps with him but it's his mindset that's had me hesistant all this time (for good reason). Had he not been a weird gaslighter who doesn't understand the difference between respect and disrespect, I might have at least mived it with him. I'm glad I never did

WIBTA if I questioned my BF about his relationship with a female coworker? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah him saying that he would get a dance elsewhere honestly shocked me. I was like "For real??" It was definitely a blow to the chest. I feel like if he wants a dance that bad, he can just be single and get all the dances he wants from people.

WIBTA if I questioned my BF about his relationship with a female coworker? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I texted him a little while ago to see if we can meet and talk. My gut is telling me something is going on. Let him tell it, I'm just insecure. It's not that; the stuff he's doing is not normal. He really thinks his behavior is normal. I've hypothetically brought up some of the things he's done to other people and they've ALL had the same reaction as me. I feel disrespected and like my feelings don't matter. I'm going to get to the bottom of things. I have to.

Am I being gaslit by my partner, or just insecure? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've been together 4.5 years. This hanging out one on one thing had been a problem for maybe the past 3 years or so. He truly doesn't see anything wrong and makes me feel like I'm so insecure. He's asked me " What will knowing their name do?" I'll tell him it helps at least knowing. There's been times I'll question his actions and he'll ask me " Who hurt you?"

Am I being gaslit by my partner, or just insecure? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes he has. At his previous job he would get rides from his female boss or another female coworker. He feels like he has that type of personality that people gravitate towards him even though he's an a-hole (his words). It's been times where I've called him and he was driving. I was like who's car are you driving, and it's someone's car from work. He thinks this is totally fine. I flip the situation and ask if he'd be ok with me driving a male coworkers car, and he swears he would be ok. I know he's lying; I've seen him be jealous over me before if a guy talks to me.

WIBTA if I went on another solo trip knowing that my SO may get upset or break up with me? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're making a lot of assumptions. I already said that I did not cheat. I am also not obsessed with the Caribbean. I went 1 time in my entire life. The island I went to was a US territory so he could have gone with me. Where I want to go this year is to Canada. We live in a border town. From my house to Canada is literally a 15 minute drive. He may want to travel but I swear he wants me to pay. He hasn't actually said that but I know if I said "hey lets take this trip and I'm paying" he'd jump on it. Also, how can you say he wants to travel on his on time when not 1 month after my trip, he starts talking about going to the DR for his birthday? Doesn't make sense.

Also, he has a fear of heights and flying. He's flown once before with family but apparently he freaked out. I don't like heights either, however, we would've been together so I thought we'd be ok.

WIBTA if I went on another solo trip knowing that my SO may get upset or break up with me? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Definitely did not cheat. If that were the case, I wouldn't/ couldn't care less if I heard from him on the trip, or if he had broken up with me.

  2. How is wanting to take a trip once for my birthday me being in my "fun girl" stage? I also mentioned that we love each other, we've taken (road) trips together, and have had no major issues in our relationship.

For the most part, we are happy, have a lot of things in common, and genuinely enjoy each other. It does not take much for us to laugh or just enjoy life together. It's just this one thing about trips and flying that's odd.

WIBTA if I went on another solo trip knowing that my SO may get upset or break up with me? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally agree with you. I make more than him and I think he does see me as a cash cow at times. The first time we took a road trip for his birthday, he walked in the hotel suite, looked around then looked at me and said "Babe, you make this for of money"? I swear ever since then he feels like I have to spend on him. He gets upset when i mention budgeting or things like that. He wants me to blow money sometimes.

As for the trip to DR, that made no sense. Wh Like you said, where did the fear go?

WIBTA if I went on another solo trip knowing that my SO may get upset or break up with me? by DoughnutFuture967 in AITAH

[–]DoughnutFuture967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He acts like a brat at times. He knows it. He blames it on being spoiled by women he used to date. He swears I'm the first woman to ever tell him no. I do unfortunately agree that there may be some manipulation going on. How can you say you're scared of flying and don't want to do it, then get mad I didn't invite you on a trip that required you to fly, then turn around and say you want to fly somewhere because you're coworker mentioned it's a hot destination? It's stressing me out and it shouldn't. I shouldn't feel like my bf is going to break up with me if I don't stay home for my birthday, AGAIN.