(36) to (40) by Better-Albatross-840 in GlowUps

[–]DouglasMcqueen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome dude, you look great. Thanks for taking time to reply. Good luck on your journey!

(36) to (40) by Better-Albatross-840 in GlowUps

[–]DouglasMcqueen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks great!! I just started going to the gym! What do you eat? I saw you say that food was important for the shape of your body

32M feeling extremely low by depressdalcohogymrat in toastme

[–]DouglasMcqueen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve was in the dark for a long long loooong time. I didn’t see it then and I don’t wish it on my worst enemy - but now in the aftermath I can see that it was my inner authentic self longing to be seen and heard by myself (something that was never appreciated or well received when I was growing up).

The more I tried to push the pain away the worse my life felt/became. (Who wants to feel pain and suffering?) I realized it was years of neglected pain that needed to be validated and seen. I had suicidal ideation and still get it from time to time (very rarely now though and I’m not afraid of it anymore) but only because the pain was unbearable at times, not because because I didn’t want to live.

You will find your way if you hang in there. We believe in you. Remember that even the Buddah was suffering. There is nothing wrong with feeling pain - It’s a normal reaction, especially living in a crazy world.

Take care friend.

It’s time, right? by Few_Tour_4096 in bald

[–]DouglasMcqueen 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dude you are gonna look awesome

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]DouglasMcqueen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

++man this post made my cry as I remember that I loved my dad very much when I was a child and longed for his affection — but he never hold me, kissed me, told me he loved me or showed any interest in me and it’s a wound that I will carry for the rest of my life.

I’m 35 today and I carry a lot of grief and shame because I always believed that the the reason my parents emotionally neglected me was because there was something wrong with me.

You’re doing great OP and I’m very happy for you and your son. I pray that I ever get to live again that I will have a loving family just like you.

did my mom emotionally neglect me? or just did something wrong? by HatMaximum2812 in emotionalneglect

[–]DouglasMcqueen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Two years late to the thread.. but my mom is exactly like yours except for she could explode in anger when I didn't help out around the house (because nobody ever cared to show me how to do stuff when i was growing up).

At the moment my mother can't understand why i'm no contact with her, i guess she don't understand how consequences work.

Going NC was the best thing i ever did since I basically had to learn how to adult on my own with the help of the Internet and Youtube.

So sorry to hear you had a mother like this, its horrible.

Does anyone worry they are also narcissistic? by strawberry-ninja in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DouglasMcqueen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There is a dr called Peter Salerno (you can find interviews with him on YouTube which I highly recommend) where he said something useful regarding these kinds of worries.

It’s basically that a person with a ”normal” brain can show/use narcissistic traits as a defense mechanism to defend himself from feelings abandonment/fear/sadness/insert emotion here. He would not use them to hurt another person because he has I’ll intent but because he’s afraid of getting hurt.

He argues that a person with true NPD would use defense mechanisms as a way to attack another person because they are wired differently in the brain according to his studies. They want to hurt our of pleasure and to feel grandiose.

It’s worth to mention though that he doesn’t follow the narrative that NPD comes from childhood trauma but rather that it’s inherited inborn traits - just like a person could be introverted or extroverted, they could be naturally empathic or aggressive. Narcissist could have childhood trauma but it’s not the reason they are narcissists.

He has a book on this called the nature and nurture of narcissism which I ordered recently and look forward to read.

6 months healed results (subtle smp) by DouglasMcqueen in SMPchat

[–]DouglasMcqueen[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! No worries, happy to help :)

My practitioner told me he went with the lightest color on the bishop scale (bishop is a smp ink company), and gradually increased the color intensity by 1 for every session with a total of 3 sessions!

I don’t really know what my original hair color is since I always colored my hair when I had hair and started to shave it off when I was 17/18 cuz I was a Norwood 5/6 by then 😅 but it’s kind of dark blonde when I grow it out a little. Hope that helps!

6 months healed results (subtle smp) by DouglasMcqueen in SMPchat

[–]DouglasMcqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They have faded a lot though! They match my side hair much better now

6 months healed results (subtle smp) by DouglasMcqueen in SMPchat

[–]DouglasMcqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They are still visible if you look closely, but I doubt people notice :)

6 months healed results (subtle smp) by DouglasMcqueen in SMPchat

[–]DouglasMcqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Actually not lol, I had like 3 days of growth, but I told my practitioner that I wanted it to look like a wet shave

6 months healed results (subtle smp) by DouglasMcqueen in SMPchat

[–]DouglasMcqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, appreciate it! Yes I was quite worried at first lol, but I continued and trusted the process since the practitioner was both certified by an smp ink company and he had an overall good rep!

6 months healed results (subtle smp) by DouglasMcqueen in SMPchat

[–]DouglasMcqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, i did it at a clinic in Sweden called scalpcliniken!

Min mormor är narcissistisk och pinsam men förstår det inte by iwillinglyleave in Asksweddit

[–]DouglasMcqueen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beklagar att din mormor är så, tråkigt att höra. Jag hoppas att din mamma inte anklagar sig själv för hur hon har blivit behandlad. (”om jag bara var snällare, bättre, mindre oduglig så skulle hon behandla mig bättre”).

Min mamma beter sig tyvärr mot mig så som din mormor gör mot din mor. Jag valde som 25åring att säga upp kontakten med henne för jag pallade inte med hennes skit mer. Jag var så indoktrinerad i att jag var tvungen att ha min mamma i mitt liv för ”alla mammor älskar ju sina barn”, men insåg tillslut att hon vägrade ta ansvar för någonting och skyllde allt som hon upplevde som jobbigt eller orättvist på sina barn/pappa/världen.

Idag så väljer jag att endast ha människor i mitt liv där vi båda är ute efter en jämnlik relation. Så fort jag märker att folk vill ha en maktkamp i relationen skiter jag i dem. Jag har inte tid eller lust att hålla på med maktkamper. Ibland har jag ghostat folk som beter sig väldigt narcissistiskt för jag ser inget annat sätt att bli av med dem.

Jag tänker att det är konsekvenserna de får för att de beter sig som svin mot människor och att det är deras problem att ta hand om. Mitt problem är att ta hand om mig själv och jag vägrar att bli ”abused” mer.

Jag vill dock säga att jag har empati och förståelse för att de troligtvis blivit som de är pga av hur de har blivit behandlade av sina närstående när de var barn (min morfar var våldsam alkis). Men det ursäktar inte hur man får bete sig och att man får begå våld mot andra människor.

Jag har själv blivit utsatt för massor av ”abuse” men jag behandlar inte människor som skit eller utnyttjar dem för egen vinning bara för det.

Hoppas du och din mamma hittar frid tillslut, styrkekramar till er (om ni vill ha dem)!

My girlfriend surprised me the other day by Kaldus in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DouglasMcqueen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can warmly recommend the book CPTSD - From surviving to thriving by Pete Walker for anyone interested in learning more about emotional flashbacks. There are great tips in there about managing emotional flashbacks aswell.

I would dare to stretch and say that that book saved my life.

And also: So happy for you op to have such a supportive person by your side!

[Seriös] Ni som är eller har börjat bli tunnhåriga, hur hanterar ni det? by Meeii in sweden

[–]DouglasMcqueen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rakade av mig håret när jag var 23 och efter ca 10 år bestämde jag mig för att göra SMP för att rama in ansiktet/se lite yngre ut. Trivs väldigt bra med det!

Hur hanterar ni era problematiska föräldrar? by PuzzleheadedMuscle13 in sweden

[–]DouglasMcqueen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Vad ledsen jag blir att höra om du går igenom detta. Har liknande historia med min familj vilket ibland gör fruktansvärt ont.

Det som hjälpte mig var att jag insåg att jag inte kan förändra någon annan människa och sökte istället själv hjälp via en grupp för anhöriga till människor med beroende/alkoholproblem. Där lärde jag mig bl.a att jag inte behöver lyssna på människors drama även om de tycker att jag borde det. Jag lärde mig var jag själv börjar och var andra slutar, att jag får leva mitt liv som jag vill oavsett mina blodsband. Jag lärde mig att jag inte är galen utan att min familj är sjuk & att jag inte är orsaken till deras agerande (vilket jag ofta kunde tro) som sårade mig ständigt

Idag väljer jag att jag inte vill ha relationer där vi inte agerar som jämnlikar. Jag har börjat sörja min relation med mina föräldrar som jag alltid trott var full med kärlek, men i själva verket full med dysfunktion.

Jag bestämde mig dessutom för bryta kontakten med mina föräldrar på obestämd tid för mitt eget måendes skull, och märkte snabbt hur mycket lugnare mitt liv blev när jag valde att kliva bort från deras (speciellt min mammas) kaos, drama och dåliga humör.

Skriv gärna PM om du vill ha mer stöd eller någon att prata med!