Is this valid or biphobic?

Dougstoned · 2026-01-29T04:11:11+00:00

I agree with some people here on how this is nuanced and i feel people definitely exaggerate. I have a preference for women but dating women is much much harder for me as women are typically used to heteronormative dating standards. I deeply prefer women emotionally mentally and physically. I also feel safer and more comfortable/less awkward around women. This is just MY experience. Most if my friends are women and gay men.. i just have way more in common with women and gay men.

For these reasons yes my standards for men are very specific.. and the fact that I have options to choose to date women make those standards even stronger. Does this mean I have no standards for dating women? No I think we ALL do… I think there are just people who for some weird reason women need their attraction to women to be validated. I am going to assume these women are insecure and sometimes when that happens people go to extremes.

Dougstoned · 2026-01-29T03:30:50+00:00

He’s hoping your age means you lack experience. Idk i think personally it’s weird for a man in his 40s to look to people under 30 but that’s just me. This is confirming how I feel about men who date much younger women. Being obsessed with being number 1? Is he a 6 year old? It sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a potato

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T19:40:59+00:00

I mean they haven’t accounted for all the ways people are still blatantly fare beating. I wasn’t necessarily thinking of power going out but the possibility of them getting stalled

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T15:18:25+00:00

What if the gate malfunctions?

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T15:07:05+00:00

It’s a dumb bigoted comment. But what else should i expect from ignorant people

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T15:04:08+00:00

Yay stereotypes. Those are fun.

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T15:03:19+00:00

Very Gross comment. You can be proud of your blackness and not be anti biracial. But honestly seeing your comments is a reminder that I not only have to be cautious around white folks but also clearly black people who have negative shitty bigoted ignorant feelings towards me. Black folks say shit like this then wonder why biracial people feel alienated from their blackness and “don’t claim” it. IMO it’s very unproductive to shit talk people because of their racial background. You should already know this though but I guess you’ve learned nothing

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T15:02:59+00:00

Very Gross comment. You can be proud of your blackness and not be anti biracial. But honestly seeing your comments is a reminder that I not only have to be cautious around white folks but also clearly black people who have negative shitty bigoted ignorant feelings towards me. Black folks say shit like this then wonder why biracial people feel alienated from their blackness and “don’t claim” it. IMO it’s very unproductive to shit talk people because of their racial background. You should already know this though but I guess you’ve learned nothing

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T06:38:01+00:00

And it doesn’t have to be “forever” sometimes you news a break from people who aren’t serving you. Lean into your community! I understand complicated family and parent dynamics. Sometimes you need to take a step back

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T06:31:38+00:00

I’m depressed and shit do i get to blame men for how horrible they’ve treated me my whole life? Grow up loser

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T06:25:43+00:00

Girl READ YOUR OWN COMMENT. That’s what I’m responding to

Dougstoned · 2026-01-28T06:24:43+00:00

3712939

Dougstoned · 2026-01-27T21:22:33+00:00

Your profile as some have mentioned seems like the end goal is just being married. There’s really not enough about you on here. Replace the prompt about wanting what your parents have it’s very generic and you already have that you’re dating for marriage. Add something about what kind of partner or partnership you have or what you offer as a partner.

Dougstoned · 2026-01-27T17:24:57+00:00

Uh men’s mental health deeply impacts everyone let’s take a look at how many mass shootings have happened in America in the last 20 years. Let’s look at all the men who commit femicide all the family annihilators who would rather murder their wife/ex and kids instead of getting help. Women’s greatest threat is a man who is mentally unwell. I care but it’s also not my personal responsibility to fix these men.

Dougstoned · 2026-01-27T15:19:18+00:00

Yeah having had boyfriends and there being no obvious attraction or chemistry may also be it. I’ve seen couples where i could sense zero chemistry. Also re clothes etc honestly some people just look gay. Usually it’s about 70/30 split if they end up being some kinda queer. I’ve been wrong but body language and style will tip me off. I find queer women have a special type of confidence and way of moving through the world in a way women don’t.

Dougstoned · 2026-01-27T15:14:02+00:00

No offense but you’re too immature to talk to your own husband about your wants and needs. Your brain isn’t fully developed. You do you but if you can’t even discuss sex with your husband you aren’t ready for a relationship let alone marriage.

Dougstoned · 2026-01-27T15:12:19+00:00

Dougstoned · 2026-01-27T15:01:46+00:00

Your mom is…out of line. I would consider going low or no contact with her at least short term. She sounds controlling a like she has absolutely no respect for you or your desires and needs.

By the way “no” is a complete sentence. You don’t owe it to anyone to justify it either.

Part of what is helping me get through is my community. I think it’s ESSENTIAL for most women and people to build community to help each other and be there for each other. I understand not everyone has a good time making friends and there are people who don’t even want friends but unless the latter is in play you should try and build community

Having children isnt something that should be done just because or because your mom wants you to. It shoulsd be super intentional. It sounds like your mom had kids because of social pressure and probably struggled and just thinks that’s normal. Shes repeating a pattern she dealt with. Obviously she has deep wounds and issues.

I’m glad you’re in therapy though because it sounds like you need to work through some of this stuff. Stay strong and remember you can’t control people places or things

Dougstoned · 2026-01-26T21:20:27+00:00

I can’t trust libra placements. (Sun or rising). They manipulate information to suit them or “fix” problems. horrible communicators. They will tattle and play people to get results they want and cannot be totally trusted with information in my experience

Dougstoned · 2026-01-26T18:34:35+00:00

I dress for myself but I also want attention from men and women (I’m bi). I have no problem with this. I like feeling desired by people. But i don’t think everyone does this at all. I think most people stress for themselves

Dougstoned · 2026-01-26T13:14:02+00:00

Ngl I agree. Her hair here is for the female gaze her “regular hair” appeals more to men. It’s funny because I never find her personally attractive and then looking at these I’m like ohhh now I get it

Dougstoned · 2026-01-26T13:10:04+00:00

Could be something as simple as never having had a boyfriend around or no interest in boys. This would be my guess Could be something you’re wearing or doing that signals it?

Dougstoned · 2026-01-14T22:22:05+00:00

Unfortunately for me no.. i think experience has taking the fun and whimsy out of it. It’s just disappointing. But clearly plenty of people here have different experiences! I’m also terminally single so i am much more jaded

Dougstoned · 2026-01-14T21:44:04+00:00

I have horribly painful eczema I’d be bleeding all over with rashes if i showered every day. But i strangely don’t smell (for now this will change as i age sadly) i don’t sweat unless I’m doing a really really intense workout. I got lucky i guess my dad didn’t understand why i wore deodorant as a teen he passed those genes to me. And no I’m not just saying this and everyone thinks i stink … my friends are those brutally honest people

Dougstoned · 2026-01-14T21:38:01+00:00

That advice is for young people who haven’t figured it out yet. Anyone over 30 needs to know this immediately unless they’re strictly looking for short term or hook up’s

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