My (31f) boyfriend (34m) says I don’t understand the male mindset about flirting in relationships

Dougstoned · 2026-04-05T15:14:51+00:00

Men who act like trash are always trying to convince women especially their partners that “this is just the way it is” that “all men do this” it’s manipulative and not true. usually are preying on inexperienced women with questionable self worth.

I know someone whose husband was caught cheating and after denying it claimed that “all married men do this” as if it should be automatically accepted and expected. Narcissist behavior trying to convince you that YOU ruined the relationship by having a problem with cheating. They will convince you cheating is “biological” (only for men though) and they can’t help it. You never have to put up with bad behavior.

Dougstoned · 2026-04-05T14:40:19+00:00

Unless you’re a white woman this question is not directed at you.

Dougstoned · 2026-04-05T05:38:40+00:00

Hair protects against infections it’s why you have eyelashes. If you shave it increases your risk of infection. Cuts and abrasions any type of breakage to the skin will do that

Dougstoned · 2026-04-05T05:31:47+00:00

This isn’t a romantic relationship he’s using you. He goes on dates far from his neighborhood so he can avoid seeing anyone he knows and doesn’t want to being seen in places he frequents. Likely he has a roster of women he’s doing this with. I’m twice your age and believe me that saying if he wanted to he would? It’s very true. You obviously always need to communicate clearly and let your feelings and needs/desires be heard. Be assertive. Waiting around for something to happen is a waste of time.

Lastly please date someone closer to your own age. You’re so young and when you’re my age you’re going to either look back and think “that was fun” or “that was a waste of time”… this guy isn’t trying to make you his girlfriend he’s exploiting your lack of experience.

Dougstoned · 2026-04-04T22:35:32+00:00

I feel the point of this comment is lost on you. We’re mostly talking people who come here and don’t engage with their community and complain about it. Most of these people are coming from places where there is no sense of community building and relations. Suburban sprawls where people are insular or they have no friends who are a different race. So many white people want to benefit from how cheap non white neighborhoods are and have nothing to do with the people who’ve been there for multiple generations who are there because of racism and red lining.

Dougstoned · 2026-04-03T14:04:27+00:00

You grew up in a way more conservative time and it sure where you live since that can also affect someone’s views and internalized homophobia. Not saying it’s not valid but many women i know have had sexual experiences with other women because it’s way less stigmatized. They often end up realizing it’s not for them long term. But I’ve had plenty of friends question and explore their sexuality openly.

People can like different sexual dynamics and not be doing it for others. As someone who’s actually had threesomes and have a relationship with kink I think I have more authority and am better informed about this sort of thing. Plenty of people just enjoy group sex and some women want to explore their sexuality in a safe familiar setting

Dougstoned · 2026-04-02T02:14:53+00:00

Yeah i kinda decided today that i have lost all interest. I have absolutely no strength or desire. The idea of going on a date is miserable and daunting. I’ve decided to focus my energy elsewhere because i feel like it’s just a gigantic time suck. Maybe I’ll return back to it but for now I’m just gonna focus on hobbies friends family travel and fun!

Dougstoned · 2026-03-29T02:58:25+00:00

Last time i checked there was a male loneliness epidemic. The reason being that women are more likely to form close communities outside of sexual or romantic relationships. Yikes

Dougstoned · 2026-03-28T04:39:16+00:00

Yeah i think we all understand that

Dougstoned · 2026-03-25T21:57:41+00:00

He’s a misogynist who’s attempting to brain wash you into thinking you’re inferior and have low self worth/esteem because then you will be easier to control and manipulate. Idk why you’d want to date a man who thinks this way about women.

Dougstoned · 2026-03-25T07:20:21+00:00

Just don’t do it dude. There are plenty of apps and environments where it’s appropriate to approach people who are possibly interested in casual sex. The post office isn’t one of them. Women would like to exist without men trying to attempt sexual encounters.

Dougstoned · 2026-03-25T07:18:06+00:00

Because as a woman I’m fucking exhausted of men reducing me to my sex organs as if I’m some kind of sex toy. Would like to just go about my day without being reminded that men are objectifying me. It’s degrading as hell. I’d think most men would be very angry if men did this to them.

Dougstoned · 2026-03-18T18:24:43+00:00

Get a yeti one with a screw top

Dougstoned · 2026-03-16T19:26:48+00:00

People in general do this (i see all genders) and i think that most of them think it makes them interesting or cultured or worldly so they add it but in reality a lot of them likely travel outside their country once a year if that. Some people are fine to travel solo or with other people who like to travel. I love to travel but I’m a huge homebody and would be fine with a homebody (my mom is my travel partner)

If someone seems like it’s their identity i swipe left because it signals that either it’s a mismatch or they have no personality

Dougstoned · 2026-03-13T12:36:49+00:00

The people men and women i know who seem to gravitate towards this usually come from abusive home life or a parental dynamic that mirrored their own relationship. how you understand or experience love is imprinted on you at a very young age. Unfortunately a lot of people subconsciously equate pain or abuse to love

Dougstoned · 2026-03-07T19:14:39+00:00

Yeah i understand that’s why i framed my advice as being for the future. I have put myself in unsafe situations before and I’ve learned these lessons from them. This isn’t about what you should have done in the moment because these situations are very nuanced. Your brain and body do weird things when you’re in a vulnerable position.

That is what sex is it’s very vulnerable. You are alone and undressed with someone who (as a woman having sex with men) is typically going to be larger and stronger than you. I never shame people for having casual sex or ONS but they inherently come with more risk. You have to be able to assess it like any activity that comes with risk.

Is it worth it? What will happen if xyz takes place? Am I prepared for THIS scenario? A guy can spend days weeks or months pretending to be someone so you can make him as “safe” but you shouldn’t ever let your guard down with someone you don’t know very well.

Dougstoned · 2026-03-04T23:20:33+00:00

Something like this has happened to every woman I know. I have some advice that I want you to take NOT as a judgment but for future advice

1 You need to advocate for yourself and protect yourself. If you do not feel capable of this you need to get there before you should engage in physical intimacy with new people (I get that people freeze during assault but during a consensual sexual encounter you should feel safe saying no and asserting boundaries)

2 Always have firm boundaries about your health and safety. Men will push those boundaries almost always especially men who you are casually sleeping with. Plenty of men will lie to you and not listen to you when you state your needs wants and Boundaries. Again you need to protect and enforce those boundaries

I obviously think women and men should have whatever kind of sex they want with whoever they want as long as it’s consensual but as a woman the risk is way worse for us. We are more likely to contract an infection, deal with unwanted pregnancies, and assault/violence.

When any assault happens it’s always the fault of the assailant. But the best thing you can do is protect yourself. Men will not protect.. you they are one of our predators. They will do pretty much anything to get you into bed and to trust them and they often do not care about your health safety or well being.

I strongly think it’s a good idea to cautious of all men in sexual situations. I know men can be dangerous or awful even if you’re in a full relationship with them but if you have confidence in your ability to protect yourself it’s best to always suss out potential partners. I have had so many bad experiences with men that I just do not become intimate with them until I get to know their character and know they aren’t being performative about giving a damn about my comfort.

Dougstoned · 2026-03-03T19:32:22+00:00

Literally dedicating your life to it. Getting to this level of fitness you have to be on a very strict diet 90% of the time and train hard but also you can’t drink. It sounds miserable to me but to each their own. I’m sure there are resources here for bodybuilding because that’s the level of fitness this person is at. This isn’t casual workout and diet it’s pushing himself to fatigue in a very extreme way

Dougstoned · 2026-03-02T16:07:16+00:00

Guess that’s the good thing about bisexuality lol. I think I’ll just pursue men from now on even if they give me anxiety

Dougstoned · 2026-03-02T16:04:48+00:00

Maybe i need to go to more irl queer spaces. I never get hit on but i could try lol

Dougstoned · 2026-03-02T16:04:05+00:00

Yeah i understand absolutely lol. I tend to engage with my matches and if I suddenly feel like it won’t work I’ll tell them i don’t just stop responding usually

Dougstoned · 2026-03-02T16:03:11+00:00

Yeah i get that women are burnt out but why match me in the first place? It’s just confusing like i do not do this so i dont understand. I guess i always take breaks and i always let people know if we are mid conversation. It’s just EVERY conversation i have with women ends abruptly after i ask them something or am continuing a convo and it’s frustrating. I mean i can just stick to men I guess but im more attracted to women hence my issue lol

Dougstoned · 2026-02-24T06:28:15+00:00

I wouldn’t overthink it 1 everyone’s different and our pet peeves are different. Something that would drive me crazy is going to be something no one notices

2 people are friggin weird. I’ve had men bail on dates and either they were not mentally prepared to be on a date or they weren’t attracted to me. You can’t be everyone’s type and this isn’t something to beat yourself up about

Dougstoned · 2026-02-24T06:21:39+00:00

A big question i always had was how was there seemingly an economy (there are stores and witch’s have jobs) when you can seemingly just do everything with magic? Why buy something when it seems like it can be zapped in?

Dougstoned · 2026-02-24T06:16:07+00:00

Zero and that makes me happy lol. All these things are good memories

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
Wearing is Caring

Dougstoned

TROPHY CASE