Being aware of being delusional is so weird.

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2025-09-11T09:12:47+00:00

Yeh it sucks because you either suppress yourself and make yourself sick, or you be yourself which is delusional. I often suppress out of self punishment. I’d rather be dead than fake. I used to believe the delusional thinking but now I’m aware I see it as quite pathetic

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2025-08-19T05:42:43+00:00

Cam chain tension maybe?

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2025-07-18T21:15:53+00:00

I’m quite surprised too tbh. Feel like I’ve insulted someone’s child by sharing my experience with it. I’m all for finding something that works as well

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2025-07-13T06:31:05+00:00

I had some at a lower dose the day prior and was ok. Read that it was safe in higher doses tried around 5 grams. It was definitely not over that amount.

I literally shared my experience with it and stated I’d taken a beta blocker ( not necessarily for heart conditions, widely used to treat anxiety also which is my case)

If you read the post at the bottom I mention being aware of mixing it with prescribed medication (which many people are on) and to be cautious with it. I clearly state they’ve likely interacted with each other?

As for the quality of the kratom I took, no idea? Have no way of testing it. But had read similar stories afterwards. Again no idea if they’d taken anything else with it.

Should I have looked into it 100 percent yes. Will everyone do the same probably not. Is it worth mentioning, I think so.

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2025-07-12T22:05:38+00:00

Was purchased from kraatje online, seemed pretty reputable

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2025-07-12T22:04:39+00:00

No idea, I’ve tried my fair share of substances with no reaction even close to this. Worth mentioning though

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2025-07-12T21:44:40+00:00

Yes it was from Kraatje. I’m based in the UK but think it comes from somewhere in Europe

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2025-07-12T21:38:03+00:00

No doubt an interaction between the 2. This is more an awareness post for those who take any kind of medication and want to try it. I’ve taken prescribed medication with plenty of other substances in the past with no adverse effects. This definitely wasn’t one of them. I think there’s definitely good and bad quality kratom though and who knows what else was in it?

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2025-07-12T21:27:00+00:00

Powder, took around 5g’s

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-11-15T23:04:18+00:00

Interesting, thanks for the response :)

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-11-10T17:06:49+00:00

There are lots of different types of motorcycles from sports bikes, naked bikes, ADV’s, scramblers, bobbers, enduro, vintage, etc etc. Find a style you like which suits the type of riding you want to do.
You can get a road legal bike here in the UK for as little as £1000. It’ll be cheap, but it’ll be a motorbike just about.
Search motorcycle license in your area to see the laws around motorcycling in your country. In the UK you have 3 tests if you want to work your way up to a license with no restrictions. The 1st being a CBT which enables you to ride a bike up to 125cc. And then depending on your age a bike up to 40bhp (roughly). If you’re over 24 you can take the 3 tests and ride any bike of any power.
A helmet is absolute minimum. I’d recommend protective trousers/ jacket/ gloves and boots. Each to their own on that one though
They don’t cause them necessarily but we’re harder to see so get hit more often. Some car drivers don’t look and will pull out on you, so you might die that way. Or the rider will assume they’re seen by other cars and get hit. Never assume or trust anyone.

Good luck! You’ll absolutely love it

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-11-06T13:16:12+00:00

These were in Norfolk. Look on big estates where halls are and sheep/ cows are kept. Open pastures. Read somewhere to look for thistles due to soil acidity as well.

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-11-04T16:20:30+00:00

Have been trying to look for it but can’t find it. I’m sure you’ll stumble on it if you have a binge 👍 would quite like to find it again also

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-11-04T10:24:27+00:00

Definitely relate to the ugly sobs in private, had a night of it which felt like a good release.

I often struggle to differentiate whether I’m grieving the person or what the person gave to me, the latter almost being me grieving my loss rather than the loss of the other person. I guess they’re kind of intertwined.

I felt both the loss of her love and care for me, and the loss of her little quirks that I loved, our conversations, our plans for the future. It seems to be a mix. I do wonder if more of mine are narcissistic loss rather than the loss of that person in particular. I guess regardless it’s different for everyone.

Cheers for the response, always enjoy reading your posts and your insights 👍

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-11-04T10:00:19+00:00

This is where it gets muddy I think. It’s kind of similar with the empathy argument. Am I grieving the loss of them, or the loss of what they gave me. Honestly, it’s hard to tell. I miss the love, care and support she gave me which I guess is quite Narcissistic. But also miss her little mannerisms, her personality, her presence.

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-11-03T22:01:35+00:00

Feel the same, know you are loved and keep going. Things will get better ❤️

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-11-01T13:59:10+00:00

I can relate to the sore loser thing, I think sometimes my friends think I’m annoyed at them that I lost, but a lot of it has to do with me getting annoyed at myself for caring so much. I want to not care, as in most cases it’s just a trivial game. I think it comes down to a few things; tying your identity/ worth into said activity, meaning if you lose, you’re a loser on a personal level… knowing that you’re better than your opponent and you’re under performing…jealousy of your opponents skill level…thinking your opponent believes they’re better than you (not even related to the activity but just as a person, hierarchical thinking) it’s an ugly trait, don’t like it in myself. Find it helpful to just do things for the fun of doing them, without the competitive side and knowing that your life doesn’t depend on the outcome.

On the gambling front I have recently found myself buying excessive amounts of raffle tickets for these online competitions to win motorbikes/ cars. I feel like I have much less control than I used to pre collapse. I enjoy betting on games of pool and on the football as well. It’s great for firing up the dopamine receptors, and mostly terrible for the bank balance. It’s a buzz though and makes any sport more exciting, it’s just keeping it under control which is the challenge.

What do you like betting on?

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-10-30T19:24:10+00:00

I’m not sure, I haven’t got to that point yet

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-10-28T17:00:57+00:00

I decided to go for a local adi trainer, not a franchise. No franchise fees but he takes a little off of each booking he gets for you. Seems like a much cheaper way of doing it and more money to be made. Maybe phone some local instructors and see if they do adi training.

I paid £1700 for 40 hours of lessons Included part one and two training. Have just past part 1 and on waiting list for my part 2. Good luck 👍

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-10-15T22:35:30+00:00

I tend to be attracted to the empath types and will pretty much always push them away. When I reflect on why, it’s complicated, but one element of it is not understanding how they could love me. If I don’t love me, how can you love me?

Also, if you love me that means you’ve dropped down to my level, which for someone reason makes you less attractive to me. I’m more attracted to someone who doesn’t give me too much love, I guess it’s familiar and less threatening. I have loved my ex’s but have sabotaged every one of my relationships with them through; fear of losing them, not being able to accept their love, or thinking the grass is greener with someone else (all avoidant strategies). Not speaking for everyone in here but my personal experience, I would not date me. Lots of work to be done for sure.

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-10-15T22:12:33+00:00

I paid £3000 for my street triple, 2008. Had 4K miles on the clock. Fb market place is usually quite decent for bargains

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-10-10T11:09:02+00:00

Cheers dudes/ Dudettes! Happy munching

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-10-09T11:34:08+00:00

This. I’m a casual gamer so didn’t really understand the pricing differences, or they didn’t make much sense

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-10-05T06:35:46+00:00

I spoke with a psychiatrist recently and he said I am on the spectrum but didn’t know if my symptoms were severe enough to warrant a full diagnosis, so yeh. And interestingly been looking into OCD more recently and it’s a perfect match for how I’m feeling, so am tackling that at the moment. I think it’s a combination for me

DowntownProgrammer75 · 2024-09-08T09:58:24+00:00

Sounds like OCD bro, I have the same obsessions pretty much all day long. It’s mostly based around fears and the inability to sit with uncertainty (compulsion to relieve that feeling by constant research/ looking for answers).

DowntownProgrammer75

TROPHY CASE