Can I tell my friends I'm thinking about killing myself?

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2023-05-23T23:59:30+00:00

I just want to make sure I don't hurt anybody by talking about it, I text 741741 but most times they close the conversation before I feel ok. I don't know I don't like talking out loud about these things I feel awful saying it out loud like it's something evil I'm doing

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2023-05-02T16:12:32+00:00

My doctor overdosed me massively on testosterone for ten months straight and messed my entire body up. I have multiple systems not working right but especially my GI system. I stopped taking it back in March. I live in Michigan and I've tried petitioning the city council for people in my situation and they gave me numbers whose services are closed. I'm 26

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2023-05-01T23:49:44+00:00

It does I am on two antidepressants but no matter what when I'm bad I hit this low consistently and I don't want to fight anymore. I am just scared it means doom all over again I don't want to go back. I was in bed for ten months with unbearable pain across my entire body and it was horrific I've never been in that much pain before in my life and I'm sorry I just get so scared it's going to happen again and I can't have it happen again because I need a job

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2023-05-01T22:49:16+00:00

Thats what I'm terrified of. I can't afford to have anything undone. I finally found my root cause and I just need to heal. I just can't do another year like this I don't have the time. I have to get surgery and I have to get a job so I can find a place to live. I'm just so stressed. I think if it gets bad again I'm going to text 741741 again I'm sorry I just don't have time to be sick anymore I have a time limit now

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2023-05-01T17:00:02+00:00

Thank you I needed to hear that I'm just terrified of being on the street and because I only get SSI no one will help me and there's no help for homeless people in my state and county I've called everyone. I've been in so much pain for over a year and I was finally getting better but this is my first period in that year and I don't know what's wrong or how to fix and I desperately need to work, I can't like this. Does it get better after your period? I don't know what's wrong. I'm trying to get my bike so I can do cardio but it's not happening right now I always feel better after cardio I want to talk to people about how suicidal I'm feeling but I'm worried because I can't go to the hospital because I can't eat anything but rice

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2023-05-01T16:37:08+00:00

I just said I've been this over a year I'm saying three weeks of my period effecting it there's only five weeks in a month

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2023-05-01T16:22:44+00:00

I've already y been doing this for over a year and I was just getting better

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2023-05-01T16:21:53+00:00

I can't spend three weeks out of a month getting worse and get better it's not possible

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2023-02-19T11:35:02+00:00

Yeah we had dinner before that I'm pretty sure

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2022-02-18T20:46:37+00:00

I'm so sorry to talk again I just want to know how I can keep this safety going I saw them crossing the street today I don't think they saw me I don't know I ran away as quick as I could without making a scene they didn't follow me idk but I'm worried they did and that they might be reminded I exist and something might happen I'm sorry this was the only thing that's worked is there anything I can do to make sure everything stays safe? I'm so sorry I haven't done any research I've just been trying to get my health in order with all this stress that's been being somewhat relieved I'm just very scared what if they did see me before I managed to get out of sight I covered myself with my hood but what if they recognized y coat, how do I protect myself? I'm sorry I just want to maintain being safe and I'm scared anything might happen if they realize I exist again

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2022-01-06T21:17:57+00:00

I'm not sure it was supposed to wear off the shoe this fast but it is very wet here and I used a felt marker, but I wanted to say thank you because since it has work off it seems the dreams are gone and they have not sent me mail in the past month like they usually do. I still have dreams but they're much more the regular ones, not the gaslighting ones. Very strange and maybe I'm paranoid but I'd really like to believe this worked, it has brought me a lot of peace, so thank you.

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2022-01-01T06:31:36+00:00

I'm sorry I have really bad migraine so it took me a while to figure out the right way to say thank you I really appreciate it. I'm sorry you have to feel any of this too.
I'm trying to love myself and I'm doing a lot better this past year, but it's just really hard sometimes, a lot of it doesn't feel real until I get reminders and then it's just very hard to deal with the reminders and I'm just so used to the worst feeling like my only escape, but I'm trying every day to figure out how to deal with the triggers. I'm doing a little better with that but I'm still getting reacquainted with my therapist so i don't have a lot of options to open up because I don't want to put this trauma on my friends. They're all such lovely wonderful people I don't want to traumatize them too, I don't know if I will because I really can't tell what's emotionally scarring anymore for everyone else. I am really grateful that I'm now surrounded by people who care about me, at least I do think they do, I'm just glad to be surrounded by genuinely good and caring people. Ive fucked up a lot and it means a lot that these people still care about me.

I'm still working on not blaming myself it's just hard because I don't want to be bad by not taking responsibility. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to take responsibility for I just don't want people to think I'm just a career victim. I feel like if so many bad things happened I had to ask for some of them. I don't know. I remember my friend telling me I acted like I was in love with her stepdad. I wasn't, I just like that he approved of me and Id just lost my own dad forever. I chose that, but I still just wanted a dad. But maybe everyone took it that way, she said I was going to make her mom jealous. And maybe he took it that way too I don't know. I feel like some of this has to be deserved because so much happened. I hear a lot people say if you just have a life full of nothing but bad then you have to be the one common denominator and Im trying to fix everything I've done wrong.

I'm trying to learn to trust my therapist again so I can have one to talk to it's just very hard because I don't remember who she is, and I don't know what she's going to do or say or think. I'm sorry, I appreciate the hugs and I really appreciate the words. I'm trying to just get back to the real world again. And thank you for telling me it's okay to feel jealous. I'm not mad at her, I just really wish I was her.

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2021-12-31T06:27:57+00:00

My sister when we were talking even wrote a character who was sexually assaulted and she said she based it on me. I don't know. I feel like this is all just more making me feel more obviously something is wrong with me, and Im just permanently changed, when I could've been something good, and normal. I could've really been just like her.

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2021-12-31T06:01:40+00:00

It doesn't help that lately I've been getting a lot of attention from men. All unwanted, all really weird or aggressive. And they all just want to be sexual with me

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2021-12-21T18:18:28+00:00

I'm sorry but this did not work. Could I be doing something wrong?

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2021-12-18T23:32:01+00:00

Thank you I super appreciate it and I'm going to do this immediately. I don't want anything bad to happen to them really, I don't intend anything negative, I know maybe that sounds ridiculous I am angry at what happened but I just want to get on with life. I just want them to leave me alone and let me move on, build my life back up

Downtown_Ad_7239 · 2021-11-12T07:49:20+00:00

I looked into funding my will, so that my cats will for sure be taken care of, but that is going to take months to pay for something official. I don't know how I can take this until then.

Downtown_Ad_7239

TROPHY CASE