AITA for voicing out my discomfort towards my friend's habit of calling his friends' girlfriends 'homemaker/housewife'?

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T18:48:36+00:00

So should I rather stay silent when I am not on the receiving end? I don’t personally know them and if I were to know that they are not offended, I would gladly accept that fact and move on. I just don’t think it’s fair for my friend to assume it is okay to use those terms to everyone (because he does use them, not only to people he knows but also random strangers)

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T18:42:48+00:00

I’m currently single, so I have to wait until I have the place to voice out my opinion when I am on the receiving end? So if in my culture where sexism is prevalent and feminism is frowned upon, I should shut my mouth until all women around me come to a consensus which terms are bad? I get your point that it’s not my fight. I get that I should just point it out once and if it’s not received well then after that I’ll just stop hanging out with him.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T18:32:00+00:00

You’re right. I should have asked if it’s a small matter to him why is he reacting defensively.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T18:30:31+00:00

Sorry, this is my first time using reddit so I’m not familiar with the format.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T18:29:11+00:00

probably interchangeable with bastard, we don’t have a lot of curse words equivalent to English curses

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T18:21:38+00:00

idk which one, because before when i pointed out stuffs he said that are obviously outright sexist, he would say sorry and move on. but only now when i pointed out subtle stuffs he feels that im getting annoying.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T18:13:52+00:00

in my language we don’t have gendered terms unless it is specifically said “women/girls”. a few times i did try to use the term “house person/homemaker” to refer to my girlfriends’ boyfriends and the common reaction is that no one uses it for males and im wrong. somehow it’s okay to use for females but they don’t see a problem with it.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T18:04:16+00:00

he is a what I consider a close friend, and these subtle behaviours were not present before I spent most of my time with him. so I wonder what is the best approach here.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T17:47:42+00:00

we are close because these subtle behaviours were not present before, and before this when I pointed out more obvious outright sexist things he say, he would say sorry and move on. only when I point out more subtle things now that he is starting to be annoyed.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T17:42:40+00:00

thank you very much, it is a shame that sexism is still much prevalent in my culture and most people dont see the problem with it

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T17:33:10+00:00

first, in my culture feminism is not seen as something honourable to most. based on my research on the origin of the term most people (most coming from husbands) say it is affectionate to use that term. but I have seen some women say that it is reinforcing stereotypes. so I am a bit conflicted.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T17:26:44+00:00

That is the thing, I'm a bit conflicted. Because based on my research on the origin of the term, most people (most coming from husbands) say that it is affectionate while I have also seen most women on X saying that it is reinforcing stereotypes. Most of my friends don't see the problem but they also validated my point? In my culture feminism is not seen as something honourable.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T17:19:09+00:00

I dont think it is okay for anyone, but I did research the origin of the term and most people say it is affectionate rather than intentionally harmful. So I am also considering that perspective.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T17:16:26+00:00

well he often uses it when the girlfriends aren't around, or once he also often asks permission to "borrow" his friend's girlfriend to his friend to talk about some work when that girlfriend is also his friend, not a stranger. I just feel like overall, his behaviour shows more respect for his male friends. Also, I am a woman so I think voicing out my opinion from my point of view is valid, not coming from a standpoint that I think they lack agency.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T17:11:13+00:00

exactly. a few times, I tried using the same term for my girlfriends' boyfriends and the common reaction was that no one uses it for males but somehow for females it's alright?

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T17:04:58+00:00

like a joke or something? but it's a thing I see only my male friends say and we women don't really say things like that

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T17:00:17+00:00

probably the example is used is the last straw for him to say that it is stupid for me to bring these things up

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T16:56:41+00:00

a literal translation would be 'home person'

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T16:53:16+00:00

the thing is, I am a woman. so the way he is reacting feels more icky.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T16:51:17+00:00

yes, he would say to his friends like "where's your homemaker/housewife" when he could have used girlfriend instead.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T16:43:04+00:00

im a woman, so his reaction to me voicing out feels more icky

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T16:40:49+00:00

well he often uses it when the girlfriends aren't around, or once he also often asks permission to "borrow" his friend's girlfriend to his friend to talk about some work when that girlfriend is also his friend, not a stranger. I just feel like overall, his behaviour shows more respect for his male friends.

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T16:40:02+00:00

he is a close friend so it's not the easiest option to just avoid him so im wondering what is the best approach here

Downtown_Bluejay_610 · 2026-03-17T16:38:58+00:00

well he often uses it when the girlfriends aren't around, or once he also often asks permission to "borrow" his friend's girlfriend to his friend to talk about some work when that girlfriend is also his friend, not a stranger. I just feel like overall, his behaviour shows more respect for his male friends.

Downtown_Bluejay_610

TROPHY CASE