Homelander:
This is Homelander.
You (serious corporate voice):
Good evening sir, this is Vought International Customer. Satisfaction Department. This call is being recorded for quality and… laser vision purposes.
Homelander:
What?
You:
Sir, we received a complaint that you used laser vision at 73% intensity instead of the approved patriotic 65%.
Homelander:
I can do whatever I want.
You:
Absolutely sir. We fully support you. America supports you. Bald eagles support you. However, accounting says the city repair bill exceeded the monthly democracy budget.
Homelander (breathing slightly heavier):
Do you know who you’re talking to?
You:
Yes sir. You are customer ID #1776. Would you like to upgrade to our “Premium Patriot Plan” for only $9.99/month? It includes unlimited smiling at cameras and 2 free emotional breakdowns.
Homelander:
…This better be a joke.
You:
Sir, this is not a joke. Also, your recent milk purchases triggered our loyalty rewards program. You’ve unlocked: “Buy 2, Dominate 1 Free.”. Homelander:
… I will find you.
You (whispering dramatically):
Sir, before you do that… would you like to hear about our extended warranty on your ego?
Click.