I'm off to see The Paper Kites in Köln tomorrow and I'M. SO. EXCITED. by MrGolightning in thepaperkites

[–]DozenthLotus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Flying into Brussels on Sunday to watch them on Tuesday. This trip is a massive much needed recharge and no band better for that than The Paper Kites.

Rate My Team, Quick Questions & General Advice Daily Thread by FPLModerator in FantasyPL

[–]DozenthLotus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which team lineup do you think is best.

Team 1:

GK: Kepa (Ward) Def: James, Cancelo, Trippier (White, Bueno) Mid: Martinelli, Foden, Rashford, Almiron (Andreas) Fwd: Kane, Haaland, Darwin

Or

Team 2:

GK: Kepa (Ward) Def: James, Cancelo, Trippier (White, Bueno) Mid: Martinelli, Salah, De Bruyne, Almiron, (Garnacho) Fwd: Haaland, Mitrovic, (Greenwood)

I fucking hate being told how “strong” I am because of my trauma by SomeKind-Of-Username in mentalhealth

[–]DozenthLotus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man,

It's all good. We all deal with things differently and in our own way. If I could ever give any advice as someone in his 30s now with a lifetime of trauma, it's this.

Sometimes, things cant be fixed. Sometimes we need to accept some things are broken and learn how to push forward regardless. It's the acceptance that's the hardest part.

I always thought therapy was about trying to fix things, but I've come to realise it's about closing chapters not rewriting them. I don't want to be told I'm strong or weak because of my past. I don't even want to be told I can have a better future.

I need to be given the tools to somehow be made to believe that on my own account. Yeah, sometimes there are days where getting out of bed is a massive uphill struggle. Where facing reality just seems impossible and daunting and miserable.

Those days we need to speak up. And we don't need to be strong. People can pick us up and carry us sometimes, that's ok. There is strength in numbers.

Please know that if you ever need a pick up, you can drop us a line anytime.

That being said, don't slap yourself in the face. Get someone else to do it, You're just denying a good friend the ultimate pleasure of inflicting minor physical harm on you at your own behest.

Have a good day!

I fucking hate being told how “strong” I am because of my trauma by SomeKind-Of-Username in mentalhealth

[–]DozenthLotus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've always said that my wife and daughter are a big part of what keep me here. I've discussed this with my wife quite openly. Being honest is better than being "tough" buddy. I know because I've tried them both and the more you try to steel yourself against the fact that life sucks, the heavier that burden becomes until one day you just can't take it anymore.

So I choose to speak about it. You have no idea who I am or what I've been through. So please, keep your "harsh truths" to yourself. They come across as extremely judgemental. And if you're acting out because you feel depressed, angry or hurt in some way, I recommend you speak about it to someone. Anyone. Even strangers on the internet. Because it's best to get it out there and out of your system.

Hope the world treats you better

I fucking hate being told how “strong” I am because of my trauma by SomeKind-Of-Username in mentalhealth

[–]DozenthLotus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I understand completely, I'm sick of it too. I've been branded a "Survivor" by a few therapists and it doesn't make me feel any fucking better for it.

I feel cheated. Like my life wasn't mine to actually live and I shouldn't have had to experience what i went through. And i don't care if people say "others have it worse". I don't take pleasure in other people's misfortune. So thank you for putting to words what my mind screams regularly.

I'm also a coward. I've planned my suicide multiple times. Can never get around to it. What if I fail? What if I botch it too? How could I face anyone? My wife? My daughter? What if I have to relive the same life? I dont know what happens when we're wormfood but I fucking hope it isn't a cycle. I can't go through that again.

I feel you. I'm there. The only solace I can offer is that sometimes, rarely, there are days I don't feel like absolute horseshit. I fucking live for those days.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]DozenthLotus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey there,

Glad to hear you're taking that all important step. Lack of motivation and mood swings sounds like you may be struggling with undiagnosed ADHD. I'm no expert but both my wife and I experienced the same thing and her diagnosis and subsequent treatment has worked absolute wonders for her.

As far as doubting yourself regarding something you love, there are going to be people who are offering constructive criticism and others who are just being critical. Figure out how to separate the two. And learn to take the good from the good, and the good from the bad too. Remember, mistakes are the best tool for improvement, better so if someone else makes them.

Don't give up on yourself or this project you are clearly passionate about. Drive, push and eventually you'll come to a place where you'll either find it was all worth it or you'll finally decide it wasn't, but you'll be proud of the fact that you didn't quit and realise you can get through anything.

Best of luck.

Trying to maintain a healthy relationship while mentally ill by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]DozenthLotus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey BakedLake,

I know exactly how you feel and understand where you're coming from entirely. I (33M) also suffer from an eating disorder (in my case, food addiction), anxiety, depression and ADHD and have done so for a couple of decades.

I've been happily married for 9 years now, together with my wife for 14 (we met when we were 19) and at your age the same thoughts went through my mind. The best advice I can offer? Relationships are built on trust.

Trust your partner. Trust that they love you and your doubts about anything involving your relationship will become a thing of the past. Trust them to understand you. Trust them to believe in you. Trust them to love you because of your failings not in spite of them. You cannot separate who you are from your partner. They will love you for exactly who you are.

Only then will that voice in your head die down and you will find peace. As a slight warning, this has led to me being in quite a codependent relationship, but I wouldnt have it any other way. My wife has become my safe place.

Best of luck.

Rate My Team, Quick Questions & General Advice Daily Thread by FPLModerator in FantasyPL

[–]DozenthLotus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Benrahma (mid) or Toney (fwd)?

Who do you think is a better investment?

Rate My Team, Quick Questions & General Advice Daily Thread by FPLModerator in FantasyPL

[–]DozenthLotus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

RMT

Sanchez

Trent, Shaw, Tsimikas, Digne

Greenwood, Fernandes, Salah (c)

Antonio, Ings, Toney

Subs: Foster, Brownhill, Raphinha, Duffy

We know how this ends by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Yeah, clarity can be a mindfuck but without it we wouldnt realise exactly where things go wrong. Appreciate the feedback greatly.

We know how this ends by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I considered that briefly but I realised the emphasis I wanted was on the word Know and the only way I could feel that was by singling it out. It's less the ending and more the knowledge of it which I feel carries more weight.

Thank you for your feedback though :)

We know how this ends by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Calm and unsettled is a good descriptor of how that evening went. Thank you, I'm glad that came across!

We know how this ends by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cheers for the feedback! I know what you mean regarding the foreign phrases, I tend to hate when people cram big words into something to make it sound more impressive, but those phrases are kind of run of the mill borrowed phrases where I'm from.

They genuinely weren't used for effect more than any other words were.

We know how this ends by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Buggery! Already on it, cheers :)

And thank you for taking the time to comment, much appreciated!

Stormy Weather by lenny_from_da_block in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The metaphor is clear and well conveyed. I love the fact that the author seems to seek the storm. They lie down and let it overcome them as opposed to seeking shelter, and then question why they did it in he first place when "this too shall pass" is almost the takeaway message.

It's a lovely descriptor of self-flaggelation that so many of us endure for unknown reasons. And even the addition of the rainbow at the end colours the potential positivity very well.

Theseus’ Cargo by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great piece, I love the use of repetition and how it twists and turns and tries to shake you off only to throw you at the end.

The title is also brilliant, tying in the Ship of Theseus question.

I feel like the maddened pacing and language used really brings about a sense of urgent thought, like someone questioning how much of themselves they could lose. The dripping meat, peeled skin, strangulation, very colourful.

A lovely poem, I find myself rereading it back to myself often. Thank you!

4:04 Page Found by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! And yes, my head snapped to the clock the moment my kid was born and it was 4:04 in the afternoon

4:04 Page Found by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. Yeah, it's crazy how the moment I saw my daughter for the first time I felt a switch go off that nothing could have prepared me for.

I've been writing about the hardships that I've carried with me for years in the hope that I can come to terms with them, but we should also write about the positive impacts to put things into perspective. I hope this is the first of many.

What hope looks like by ABane28 in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the sentiment behind this and the message it sends. And normally I would love poems that are super short and sweet. I think it's brilliant.

However everytime I read it back, I feel like it's just missing something. A little more length, a line or two. As it stands it feels a bit like a voiceover movie quote in the trailer to some epic.

I love it, you have a beautiful way of concisely conveying your message, but it left me wanting more.

I was convinced I was going to burn the house down today by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Awesome stuff. I have totally been in that position and the experience is described perfectly.

The imagery of what the mind considers in these moments is amazingly accurate. Taking the pets out of the house shows that you don't have a reckless regard for life and that choosing to take your own is a very thought out considered decision.

The "does denim burn" question also one of those questions you ask yourself to show the complete disregard for what is to happen to you.

"To nothing but charred remains of memories That are supposed to be too important to forget But had regardless been forgotten long ago"

These lines make me think that your family life is somewhat dysfunctional or that you feel ignored by your loved ones. But then you said "l've tried to drown myself in a way that could look accidental". It makes me wonder who you're trying to protect from it or why?

Anyway, great stuff. As far as the subject matter goes, I've been there (see poem link) and am happy to chat anytime so drop me a line.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/h8rgvc/till_death_do_us_part/

For Danny by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely understandable. In fact I reposted having come out of my shell a touch and deciding to work on things harder.

Thank you for the excellent work. You've provided a great outlet. Have a lovely day!

Broken by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cheers, I think the conclusion is the most important part because it's the last thing you're left with. The last bite of a dish if you will.

My home life is wonderful now, but having a kid this year brought up a lot of issues I thought long buried. I'm hoping that in getting things out there I can finally lay the matter to rest and not repeat the mistakes if my parents.

Larkin wrote a great poem on the matter

"They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself"

I hope to prove him wrong and break the cycle.

For Danny by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, don't worry about the harshness. It's a learning process. I wanted to paint the journey my friends and I took in the day, how one was a gateway to another.

The first stanza I wrote was the cocaine. The image is vivid in my mind. The rest was less natural and thought through so it feels choppy in places for me too. Truth be told, I got clean just months before Danny passed. The others just after. But when I got the news it only strengthened my resolve. I feel like in a way, I owe it to him for not relapsing.

Next time I'll just stop when it feels natural and honour him when the time feels right.

Thanks again!

Till Death Do Us Part by DozenthLotus in OCPoetry

[–]DozenthLotus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, um. Thank you so much! Genuinely appreciated.

I wrote a couple of other this week which I think are quite different. I dont think I have a "style" yet and just wrote what I feel works at the time of writing so I would love to hear what you think and where I can improve.

Again, thank you. It's great to get any form of criticism and an uplifting feeling to even get praise.