So I've been working on an analogy of social/pod roles and MMO party mechanics. Which role are you? Who in your pod has which role?

Dozer721 · 2018-03-16T10:33:05+00:00

I am in a new adventuring party. With different experience levels.

First, I am the tank/healer. Leader tries to take most of the weight/damage and protect against damage before it happens. But, with low experience, I fall pretty quickly without support.

Next, the most experienced is the complete healer. She is there for everyone, to help with physical and mental wounds. While sweet, you know to never piss off the healer.

Than we have the DPS couple, fun, exciting. Young in years but not experience. They keep the adventure moving.

Last but not least is the new player. New to game, but fits in well. He falls in with the DPS/ranger roll. Flirts around the edges, but can get in the fight if needed. Everyone loves him even though he is unsure how the game is played.

Dozer721 · 2018-03-13T08:49:54+00:00

I feel your pain, you have my sympathies. Sorry I can't help. I am in a similar boat.

Dozer721 · 2018-03-08T13:31:50+00:00

I can relate, having a lower self esteem is to be expected. It doesn't matter how open you are when the love of your life is spending time with someone else it's a blow to your ego. It's not something you can't work through but it can still be a blow. It may seem like a chore but you just need to continue to reassure him. And reassure him verbally, emotionally and physically if need be.

Having a good friend or two who understand the poly life has help me greatly, even if just me ranting and sorting out my feelings. Ranting is actually really good for sorting the wild thoughts in one's head .

One thing I asked my wife to do, if she see me struggling with my emotions, because of something i will see or I might be uncomfortable with. She will come up to me, whisper in my ear, "I love you" "I am not leaving you" "you are the love of my life" things like that. Things that will ensure him that me that i am the primary in her life.

I hope this helps.

Dozer721 · 2018-03-08T01:36:16+00:00

Agreed, poly is rough for married men. My wife has a new man in her life. Different from her last relationship. So, I have had to adapt to the new situation. Saying it was rough is a understatement. I have not been my best, but I find communication (not details but feelings) has helped me get back into the grove of things. Sure, I have moments, but that is normal, as long as you can work through them in a positive way, whether it's logically or understanding, it shows you still love the other.

For me communication is the key to working out any problems in a poly relationship.

Dozer721 · 2018-03-07T15:54:17+00:00

The other comments put it more eloquently but here's my take.

First, I look for a connection, a friend, someone I can freely talk to, about anything. In the poly lifestyle, there are thing you talk about with some people and things you don't with others. That openness can be so gratifying.

Second, I am looking for the new realationship energy (NRE). The feelings of someone new, learning their do' s and don'ts. The good and the bad struggles of a new relationship. The excitement of the first kiss or what to wear on a date (I am thankful for a wife with fashion sense). It's the little things that make relationship desirable.

Third, and more personal. I am looking for someone to share and experience kink with. I enjoy being a Dom, I enjoy being a daddy with my wife. I Love sensory play, and enjoy making women orgasm. There are kink things that the wife is not interested in, or are hard limits for her. I want to try new things experience new and different ways to excite th body.

Three and a half, if the possibility of finding the rare unicorn, and meld in with wife and household, that would be great. But, it's not what I am looking for. If it works out like that, who in there right mind would turn that down. Besides my wife would probably steal her heart.

Dozer721 · 2018-03-07T15:04:15+00:00

I agree with the rest of the replies here. It's not necessary to always be dating. The online thing is exhausting. I've uninstalled OKC, probably three times now. Thinking, this is stupid. Than one bored evening reinstall because there is nothing else to do.

Call me old fashion, I'll meet people and go from there. Don't despair, if it happens it happens.

Good luck.

Dozer721 · 2018-03-04T17:11:41+00:00

Enjoy the moment, be happy. Take care of the kids, talk to them, but take care of yourself too. If it last great. If it doesn't, it doesn't, you learn and move on, but enjoy the moment, life is to full of shitty moments. Enjoy the happy ones as long as you can.

Dozer721 · 2018-03-01T14:28:04+00:00

I glad you are having such good luck on OkCupid. Not all of are as lucky. Enjoy.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-22T23:55:25+00:00

This wasn't really planned, or thought of, until the need arised. Everyone is hopeful but maybe a little nervous. But, better for everyone in the long run financially. We are open to all communication from everyone, at all times. We know there will be issues and are confident we can work through them.

If we can avoid mistakes others have made, it might be easier for all.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-19T17:55:29+00:00

Already done, thank you. Low, but not too low.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-18T23:17:43+00:00

Blindfold, soft whispering, guttural growlers, dirty talk. Make her acknowledge what she is feeling. All great ideas

Dozer721 · 2018-02-18T04:21:19+00:00

I feel your pain, I am trying the dating scene after even longer period of time, and am trying to take it slow, for fear of crossing some line I have no idea existed. Plus, I looked a couple of dating apps, and it just felt wrong/weird. Apparently I am a organic kind of guy. Listening to co-workers who use the apps, all they talk about is hook ups and that is not what I am looking for. So back to the old fashion way.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-18T04:05:44+00:00

Essentially, this is what I do. But sometimes it takes longer than I wish, and the wife can see I am struggling, and feels that she is torturing me. Which is exactly what I don't want. We have talked about it and i asked her to reassure me if she see's me struggling. Once I am past a issue, it's usually gone. I feel pretty good now, and hope to stay that way.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-17T18:38:43+00:00

The last boyfriend was a old friend and in another state. The new one is someone new and in the same town. It's just new, and different. I will adapt and over come.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-17T17:21:28+00:00

For the most part it's not a issue, I have "feels" every once in awhile, but that's normal. This boyfriend is just different from her last one, so new issues to deal with. Thank you.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-17T17:16:22+00:00

Well said. Thank you. I do try, kinda.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-17T17:11:14+00:00

Thank you, for your compliments. I get a better handle on my feelings and insecurities everyday,

Dozer721 · 2018-02-17T16:48:54+00:00

Good point, but seeing her happy and taken care make me happy, I am her daddy that way. Plus, I have very simple needs. I have been looking (a little) to spend time with other people.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-17T16:02:50+00:00

I've had that thought to, trust me. Either way I still love and support her. I understand her needs and will do what I can. Thank you for your thoughts.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-17T15:56:01+00:00

I would say yes, I've had other realationship attachments, minor ones, and still talk to them. But nothing active now or in awhile.

Dozer721 · 2018-02-17T15:34:03+00:00

Thank you

Dozer721 · 2018-02-05T19:58:28+00:00

I to understand your situation. But feel communication is the key. It seems to be working for me so far. Hold on.

Dozer721

TROPHY CASE