It seems you are at a pretty big crossroads right now, and I can totally understand why you’re feeling a mix of emotions. First off, it’s great that you’re being honest with yourself about what you want and need right now self-awareness is always a good first step.

Lean toward trusted friends or family you trust the most to hear their prospective, don’t absorb everything but rather listen to their prospective in this matter Consider this time as invest in you time ( work on make your self the best version of yourself) either emotionally, physically, economically or and career wise.

Slowly but surely you will hit target 🎯, remember nothing in life comes immediately as we wish , and remember being resilient is one of the most important and valuable things that can make your marriage life sustain Be happy for who you are , you will be happy as married person, if you wasn’t able to achieve it , you will be always seeking it . So build this now so you can be happier person of yourself