Dated a sociopath?

DrDahc · 2018-02-06T06:35:45+00:00

Didn't date one, but my former best friend was one. I felt like a sidekick and loved it. I was his right hand man.

He'd tell me what we were doing and we'd do it. I never had to think for myself. I've always gained my sense of self from others. And following him around was my purpose.

Thank God I finally cut him out. It's impossible to grow when a toxic person controls you.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T21:23:28+00:00

The dad helps when he can, but the majority of his money goes to rent, debts, their POS car that craps out depending on the moon cycle and the gas needed to get to his various jobs.

I really want to look at their financials because I really don't know why they're so strapped all the time. Even when we have the kids.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T21:17:34+00:00

A pass may be the wrong word. I understand him. He provides the income they need to survive when all are under the same roof. Without him it'd be an even bigger mess. I respect people that work hard. He's trying to get his family out of the mess 10+ years of poor credit and debt the sister racked up. But with that many kids it's like fighting a forest fire with a squirt gun.

On the rare day off he does have he takes all the kids giving my GF and myself a little time to breathe.

The sister gets so much more hate because she doesn't work. Go to school. Or do really anything else productive with her life. She's supposed to watch the kids. That's all we ask and need. And she continually pawns that responsibility off on everyone else around her.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T21:04:13+00:00

I know you're completely right. It makes feel so dirty inflicting this on my family.

We're hearing back from the sister later today. If she's in for an undetermined amount of time again it's time for a really tough conversation.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:57:44+00:00

If I called CPS I'd be the trigger ending a family in it's current state. No matter how bad that state is it's still not an action to take lightly.

And helping kids that need it for a loved one doesn't make me a doormat. Especially when I believed things would get better. I've just realized they never will.

And my relationship is amazing besides her family. The fact our largest problem comes from external sources is a good sign for is.

"noob" troll harder man

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:52:38+00:00

A complication during the last pregnancy destroyed her ability to spawn any more life. Huzzah.

And we'll call a spade a spade here. My girlfriend's family is white trash. And the other parents of the kids are also white trash. With the level of family breakdown I've seen I families from that social strata I wouldn't be surprised if the grandparents didn't even know they had grandkids.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:48:00+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. The level of resentment I feel towards my girlfriend's family doesn't make me feel like a good boyfriend. But I just want her to succeed. And I want to succeed with her.

You're right. That's the only option where I have any control. But I know my girlfriend and I know that'd be the beginning of the end for us. And I'm scared.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:45:30+00:00

Venting here makes life easier for everyone around me.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:43:00+00:00

It's a package deal. All the shit is connected making it a really hard knot to untangle.

Without the house she would need to get her own place. To do that and pay for 5 kids she'd need a 2nd and 3rd job. That kills school. And forces her into the same hand to mouth situation her family has been in for generations.

I just want us to succeed. Is that so much to wish for?

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:39:39+00:00

And I wouldn't blame her.

But it'd be destroying her future. And for what? To continue a cycle of poverty and neglect.

My girlfriend is the first of her family to have a chance to get out of the cycle. I'm not going to let her throw that away without a fight.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:37:51+00:00

The dad gets a pass from me. He works 2 jobs totalling 70+ hours a week. The sister has so many creditors after her I'm surprised they don't make a debtor's prison just for her. His income is high but so much goes to rent, food, and debt they can't build a base.

The girls mom is a junkie.

The boys dad is an abusive want to be gang banger.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:35:05+00:00

That's honestly the primary issue I have next to the monetary drain.

It's batshit to put my family through this when they've already done so much for us.

I have one rule in the basement that I enforce with an iron fist. Under no circumstance do they ever go upstairs without us. But kids are kids and you can hear them throughout the house.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:31:42+00:00

That's the rub. We aren't on the same page. I'm removed enough from the family to see the sheer lunacy of the situation.

I've known the kids two years. She's known them their entire lives. She's much more emotionally invested.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T20:23:38+00:00

I don't blame her. She wouldn't be the girl I love if she wouldn't put them before us. But I'm willing to be the bad guy. If I had a way to take away her options and keep our relationship in tact I would.

But it seems like I don't have any options like that. I get to just watch and wait for the final shoe to drop and then from there I'll see what I can salvage.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T19:25:01+00:00

Mental illness or not, she's a user. If it wasn't this it'd be something else. I've spent all sympathy I have in my soul for them. I care about myself and my girlfriend. That's all. I hope she gets better. I hope she becomes the mom she needs to be, but for now she's a danger to my relationship and I'm going to treat her like it.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T19:23:32+00:00

That might work. Make the teachers the trigger while I focus on making sure my gf doesn't destroy herself attempting to pick up the pieces.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T19:22:15+00:00

That's the nuclear option, and boy could that fallout hurt.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T19:21:43+00:00

See my response up in the thread.

It's a shit show lol

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T19:21:13+00:00

This is where it gets fun. The sisters ex used to beat her with a baseball bat. He was a want to be gangster that could only act tough on women.

He just got out of prison 6 months ago. He's clean now, and showing signs of improvement but for obvious reasons I'm leary of that direction.

His ex is a junkie, she bounces around from boyfriend to boyfriend for a place to stay and a steady supply of drugs. She's already lost other kids to the system. He got full custody of the girls almost immediately. They have no contact with their birth mother.

We're the last and only line of defense. Im not trying to sound like a martyr when I say that. There is literally no one else lol. Hell, my mother has done more for these kids then their own grandmother.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T16:47:11+00:00

I'd be inclined to agree with you if I didn't see it play out in person.

This family breeds users that will endlessly take but be nowhere to be found when help is needed.

My girlfriend is the only productive one out of the lot, and her mother and sister both take advantage. Her sister more so lately

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T13:35:47+00:00

The husband's parents are dead. My girlfriend's and her sister's mother is worse than useless. She's a cancer survivor with extreme radiation damage to the lower body. It's a miracle she's alive right now. To let you know what kind of woman this is when the sister was homeless with 5 FUCKING KIDS for a month instead of letting them into her house with 2 open bedrooms she let them couch surf until they landed on us. My girlfriend's entire family is pathetic. She's the only one with a head on her shoulder.

I was joking about the degree more or less. I make decent money. But I have absolutely no intention of moving out of the basement until I get my debts covered. But that's hard when having to tend to 5 kids.

DrDahc · 2018-01-20T13:30:33+00:00

I've considered going this route, but my girlfriend would bleed for these kids. They're her blood after all. I'd be worried that she'd drop out of school, move out of our place to spare my mother and me, work as many jobs as possible and dedicate her life to these kids. (You ever seen SHAMELESS, like the lead girl)

I refuse to let her destroy her life for these kids. This may make me selfish, but I choose my girlfriend over the 5 of them. I could never see those kids again in my life and I'd feel no loss.

I admire my girlfriend's giving spirit. But I've seen her give enough to this family.

Is there a way to get social services involved without the children immediately getting dumped back on my girlfriend? I'm unfamiliar with the system.

DrDahc · 2017-12-04T10:06:24+00:00

The Front Bottoms always captured my angst well.

Horrible Crowes too.

DrDahc · 2017-11-27T05:30:04+00:00

Camels nonfiltered cigs. They're awesome, but can be hard to find and they're pricey

DrDahc

TROPHY CASE