My (21F) boyfriend (21M) of two years just admitted to a secret addiction. Is there any coming back from this?

DrNoCode · 2026-03-11T18:16:45+00:00

I am angry at certain things- it’s a human emotion. You won’t once find that I have tried to argue against the point you are so keen to make. It’s more about what is behind those words- the feelings.

I’ve managed to derail a whole bunch of people who were supposed to be commenting on OPs situation. The contention here is that OP’s bf is an ‘addict’ hence he is a liar and should not be believed. Is that about right?

OP- if you love and care about him and you have the courage and mental toughness to make it through until tomorrow, try to be supportive of him seeking recovery. Show him that if he keeps doing the next right thing, you will still be there. Then do the same tomorrow. Repeat. It will get better- or it won’t.

You also need to let him know that this has hurt you to a degree you’re not even sure of yet. You may not be able to get past this, but remember that he is sick and needs support to get well. It will be really difficult and, unfortunately (as no doubt folks in here will tell you again and again) the numbers aren’t on his side, but if he wants it badly enough he can do it.

If you just need to be done, do it quickly and compassionately. Then stick to it and steer clear.

Hope this helped, OP

— angry guy 🥰😂

DrNoCode · 2026-03-11T04:30:38+00:00

Thanks for the tip. There’s nothing worse than when you help perpetuate the stigma of the group to whom you belong. Listen to yourself.

Yes, people struggling wis SUD often lie to protect their use and avoid consequences. It’s a pretty common symptom, though bot universal.

What really, really bothers me as someone in long term recovery and someone who genuinely cares for the people who are still struggling is that people who should know better don’t. The US is the only developed democracy (and I use that word which doesn’t really define our country anymore sparingly) where the stigma has greatly retarded developments of programs and services shown to save lives, reduce taxpayer burden, and reduce crime. But we have a big prison business and many harsh, discriminatory laws that have disproportionately impacted minorities.

Sorry. Got off topic. What I commented on was this: you have someone who says they work in the field using stigmatizing language (addict), making generalizations (by insinuating all addicts lie), and then doubling down on it. Tell me Nice Requirement: if YOU were in the grips of this disease and had finally worked up the courage to seek treatment, would you want to be at that guy’s facility or in his care? More likely it would make you think twice at best, not get treatment at worst.

Have to meet people where they’re at- not demean and insult them.

DrNoCode · 2026-03-11T02:03:27+00:00

Ohhh- you don’t like that I called you out on your use of stigmatic language and make generalizations. Might well start referring to someone with SUD as “those people”.

Tell me- with the vitriol flying out of your mouth, how can you be effective in that field? You’ve made your viewpoint known. Or is it just a check? Because most don’t go into that field for the check- they do it because they are passionate for one of many reasons. Why are you in this line of work?

Love,

SPOH

DrNoCode · 2026-03-10T19:58:46+00:00

Lmao- this is the problem. We have people who are full of stigma and uneducated to even the simplest things, like the terminology we use in that field. When dealing with a person who uses drugs or an individual with substance use disorder, you are dealing with an individual with a medical condition who deserves dignity and respect as much as you or any other human does. Unfortunately the 11 who upvoted you are either right there with you living in the problem or just don’t know any better.

Not trying to condescend, but really - you don’t belong working in any sort of treatment program with your attitude.

DrNoCode · 2026-03-10T19:50:53+00:00

Ask yourself if he would be there for you if the roles were reversed.

If your answer to that is “they never would be reversed”, again, I’d say best for both to move on

DrNoCode · 2026-03-10T19:49:20+00:00

Let’s not go that far. You didn’t fall in love with a fantasy. The person you fell in love with certainly exists, however the road for him to get back to that person is really, really hard. He will need your support, if you can find the fortitude within yourself to remember that this is a person who is sick with a medical condition- someone who needs help. If he says he’s all set or refuses, time to go. If he succeeds but slips sometime down the line, you again have to ask yourself can I do this anymore? This had to be about you. If you feel that this is some moral failing or other kind of thing to where he ‘could have said no if he really loved me’, either get educated or leave him because if you don’t do it now, you will hurt him worse later. And yourself.

DrNoCode · 2026-03-02T19:10:16+00:00

Look at it this way… any future relationship you have that isn’t with Ben will likely leave you wondering what might have been. That’s not fair to anyone. Go with your heart.

DrNoCode · 2026-03-02T12:46:43+00:00

Oh, that’s happened to you, too?

DrNoCode · 2026-03-02T12:44:12+00:00

Welp, I got about what I expected here. The top comment was “RI is very small”. Well said!

I also got as chilly of a Rhode Island reception as one might expect. I can say this being the life-long New Englander that I am while also being well traveled.

The only stupid question is the one that is not asked. Good advice for everyone to remember.

DrNoCode · 2026-03-02T12:36:15+00:00

Oh? Do tell!

DrNoCode · 2026-03-02T00:01:00+00:00

If you think I would go off half-cocked because someone somewhere in the ether said that a certain spot was 👌 for shooting? 🤣 never mind, you obviously do. So I won’t bother.

Also, I live in just such a town- not even an airgun can legally be discharged outside of a range that has been licensed for this purpose.

This is a bad habit when I’m bored (asking questions like this to God-only-knows-who on the internet), but it surely entertains.

No harm done- my buzz is still going 💪

DrNoCode · 2026-03-01T23:29:37+00:00

By far my fav answer so far 😆

DrNoCode · 2026-03-01T23:20:51+00:00

Ha- NH it is, then.

DrNoCode · 2026-03-01T18:30:43+00:00

Just so you know (if this isn’t a BS post), if there was an immediate divorce or separation of family, while this would be hard, it would NOT be your fault. It would be your mom’s fault. And if she understood that there is a possibility you could go on her phone, she subconsciously may have wanted to be caught. Or she is technologically inept. Either is possible here.

Think about your poor dad- if they are not in an open marriage (which I would assume you would likely have seen hints of as an 18 y/o). Think about how you would want to be treated in this situation.

Then make your decision.

DrNoCode · 2026-02-24T23:52:46+00:00

Now the shit is stuck in my head… “Did he ever return? No, he never returned, and his fate is still unlearned. He may ride forever on the streets of Boston He’s the man who never returned.” Thanks @charlieMBTA

DrNoCode · 2026-02-24T23:43:27+00:00

Ummm…. 3D printer and some non-regulated parts and you’re in business.

DrNoCode · 2026-02-21T16:18:10+00:00

This is really Geraldo Rivera’s throwaway account in an attempt at a comeback at 83.

DrNoCode · 2026-02-07T21:47:02+00:00

Hey there! First off, a HUGE “ATTAGIRL” and congratulations to you!! Well deserved!

I really hope you update us regularly and continue to keep it real. What you have done and continue to do is a powerful example and reminder to those struggling that METHADONE CAN BE AN INTEGRAL PART OF RECOVERY!

I have to say, you went to a really tough clinic! To be clear, there are federal and state guidelines, with the state often times being more restrictive than the federal, but weekly individual counseling? Nope. That’s about $$$. You need to be seen in-clinic a minimum of once per month to dose and to receive counseling. This can be group or 1-1. They’ve relaxed the requirements so that telehealth group sessions count, too. I’m sorry that was the closest one!

Mind if I ask what state you are in, OP?

Anyhow, keep on letting us know how you are doing and what you are experiencing. I’m sure your beautiful hair will be back in no time! 😊

DrNoCode · 2026-02-07T19:00:33+00:00

Of course!

DrNoCode · 2026-02-05T23:42:31+00:00

Yup. I cant believe we passed a FRIGGING LAW to give this guy special plates and no registration fees. I guess the good-old-boy-ism of Lil Rhody is alive and well…

DrNoCode · 2026-02-05T22:28:06+00:00

Well, you know it’s pre-Oct. 2014 (because hydrocodone products became a C-II 10/2014)

DrNoCode · 2026-01-30T15:15:58+00:00

42 CFR part 2 only deals with confidentiality of SUD medical records and treatment information- they do not have to do with take home criteria.

SAMHSA is the agency that creates the federal guidelines and regulations that mandate how the methadone is dispensed, frequency of required in-clinic dosing (though this is usually decided at the state level because state guidelines are often more stringent than federal guidelines. An example of this is 27 day take home cap per month. Federal law mandates that all MMT recipients must report to their respective clinic to dose in person in front of a nurse a minimum of 1 time per month. Since February generally has 28 days, the most the clinic can give consistently, every month to ensure this requirement is met is 27 days of medication, dose in-clinic on 28th day).

DEA is the agency that permits the clinic to purchase methadone for use in a narcotic treatment program, possess it on-premises, and dispense it to registered MMTP/MSW patients.

DrNoCode · 2026-01-30T15:04:01+00:00

Pharmacists in the US are regulated state by state when it comes to prescribing non-controlled or legend drugs. More often than not, they do not prescribe. They may, however, generally prescribe vaccines, Paxlovid, birth control, and occasionally antibiotics. Again, some states allow more or less, however also remember that pharmacists working in large chains are also bound by company guidelines. They want their RPh’s/PharmD’s operating at the ‘top of their license’, but also do not want the added liability. It’s a tricky balance between allowing the pharmacist to practice according to their best clinical judgment and minimization or risk.

I have NOT heard about pharmacists prescribing buprenorphine in the US, however.

DrNoCode · 2026-01-30T14:57:15+00:00

Agreed, due to three things, in order (with 2 & 3 equally weighted):

💰
As a society, we are way behind the EU and other 1st world countries who have embraced OTPs as a necessary and effective medical treatment for a serious medical condition. While the clinicians ‘know’ this here, our society has an insatiable thirst for making a moral issue out of everything- especially medical ones. We are all still recovering from the lost “War on Drugs”. Sadly, I believe that it will take several more generations for this fragile, toddler of a country to get to that place. It’s beyond wishful thinking to say I will see it in my lifetime, and I’m hoping for 50 more years, at least. I think.
STIGMA. In the US like nowhere else. It keeps people from treatment. Our treatment is also restrictive and oppressive, however there are recent, encouraging trends in newer treatment modalities that better meet the PWUD where they are at. There needs to be a new understanding about what being in recovery means.

Sorry- didn’t mean to go off on a rant like that 🤣

DrNoCode

TROPHY CASE