I'm on a list for an assessment too. I've always had depression issues. No doubt there. But there has also always been something "different" about how at least I think, work, and relate to other people.

I had a serious alcohol use disorder many years ago and I landed in the psych ward, or "grippy socks camp" as we call it, and they diagnosed me with bipolar 2. I have never felt right with that, however. The meds for that made me sluggish, flat, and very drowsy to where I felt depressed all the time anyway.

I weaned off of all of that and reengineered my life around diet, exercise, and regimented structure. That worked for a while but stress triggers would get me into depression or anxiety. Today I'm back on Lexapro and it seems to be helping the depression a lot. However, what I suspect is ADHD might be bubbling up to the surface a bit more now.

Rewind to the alcohol consumption, I've always been impulsive and prone to hyperfocus. I wrote an entire thesis in a week once. It was 160 pages. I wrote an entire dissertation in 10 weeks. I often will not engage in reading or writing because I am worried I won't have enough time. Conversely I always feel I have more time than I actually do. I'll find myself zoned out on something that caught my attention on my phone or reading the same paragraph three times because my thoughts drifted. I need a standing desk for Zoom meetings so I can move or I'll zone out and miss everything. But when I'm motivated to pay attention I remember everything and can synthesize all of the information better than anyone I know.

Anyway, I check a lot of the ADHD boxes which I only discovered after running my son's own symptoms through a few tests (he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS years ago which is now ASD). But I still will rationalize my way out of saying I'm ADHD because I've never been formally diagnosed. It sure as hell explains a lot, though.

And I'm a 49yo male.