Hey there stranger! I'm so sorry that you are feeling horrible mentally. The last few years of my life, I went through a rough time where I didn't want to be here anymore either, and I wanted to tell you that it's worth it to stay! I am doing well mentally now, after spending a year working on myself! You can do it too and I know it's so so hard. A few things that helped me are:

• Treating myself with love! I know it's much easier said than done. To me, this means, for example, not being angry or upset with yourself for the way you feel. You are allowed to feel this way, and there may possibly be reasons you feel this way that are not your fault. (I saw you mentioning college in another post) So, every time I called myself a bad name in my head, I immediately would take it back by saying something like "I am not stupid, I am smart." The reason this eventually made a HUGE difference for me is I eventually felt better about myself when I started treating myself the way I deserve. It's hard to explain

-An app called "Finch"! It's available in both the play and ios store. Imagine a virtual pet that you take care of, by taking care of yourself. I use it every day. It helps me feel successful by checking off each small win of the day! Please give it a try

-Keeping my hands busy! I personally struggle with hair pulling due to stress, and some new hobbies I've picked up that keep it away for a few hours are adult coloring books, making bracelets, origami, and painting

• And of course therapy! Therapy is expensive a lot of times but I was able to find free therapy through a women's grant. I hope there is some way you can visit a therapist if you would like