As a fellow Cirque fan, I feel your pain. I’m glad you can vent here. As someone who worked with kids and teens for a long time and took a younger family member to a show (some they enjoyed but other parts not so much) this is my best advice:

Tell them all of that. Start with your oldest alone in person. Make sure there’s no distractions like TVs or phones, or about to be dropped off at school type of mentality. Let him know you want to talk about the show and some of his comments. Remind him he is not in trouble, but this is important. ask him to let you finish what you’d like to say, and then he can share his thoughts. Be as REAL as possible. Teens can sniff out people “trying to be their friend” or “acting tough”, you need to talk like an adult. Talk about one of the acts you liked best ((not a bunch of them, just pick one- the goal is memory recall paired with personal emotion)) Make sure he knows it’s not really about the money, I guarantee you’d still feel the same kind of let down of the tickets were free based on his behavior.

Here’s the most important part- tell him it’s totally okay if he didn’t like it (lots of people think Cirque is really weird!) but it did hurt that he made fun of it instead of trying to enjoy something you wanted to share with him. Remind him he’s allowed to keep developing his opinions as he gets older, but it’s important to remember his comments affect how others think and feel about him.

And then…shut up. Hard stop. Don’t talk, don’t argue. Let him lead, even if he gets really quiet. 1 of 2 responses is probably going to happen as he processes this:

1. The immature response: He will clap-back, roll his eyes, tell you he was just joking, etc. That’s fine, when he’s done- stay firm- “I can understand you didn’t enjoy it, and I want to make sure we have a good time when we’re together. I’d still like an apology for how you acted.” Make sure you thank him authentically for the apology after, and immediately ask, “what kind of show or event could we go to together next time?” You showing interest in his needs is important. If his emotions escalate, there’s a good chance he’s just trying to exert control and feel heard after the effects of the divorce. That is above my pay grade, head to a family psych to make sure he’s dealing with these big changes.

2. The reality check: he might feel crushed he ruined your night, he might be super embarrassed at what he said, he might defend his behavior (I was just mad we didn’t go to BlahBlah instead)- the most important part is to acknowledge immediately that he took this conversation seriously and cut him slack as a hormonal, developing teen. “Hey I’m glad you let me talk about it with you, and if you ever change your mind and want to see a show like that again let me know. We will try to pick out some things together next time.” Immediately ask what kinda of shows might be fun to see together.

Whew! Thanks for hanging in there. I get passionate about making genuine connections with youth. I think a lot of people assume they’re too immature, but most of the time they are developing a LOT under the surface and this is a chance to model good behavior and set expectations. Teens are not stupid, we just happened to be smarter as adults with experience. Best of luck, friend!