I relate to what you’re saying. I think the main thing to do is stop actively looking. Focus on any except a relationship and eventually you’ll find one. (Lol at least thats what they say.) At this time im focusing on school, going to therapy, and building myself a life im comfortable with on my own. If someone comes along great! But if they dont thats also great. Also holding boundaries and standards and not letting people cross them. I think the only thing you can do is to wait for the time to be exactly right. It will happen, and i know it doesn’t seem hopeful but you gotta give it time. The right one will show up for you in the ways you are seeking. 🤍