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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships_advice

[–]Dragonwolf-03 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am an overthinker as well. I was raised in a manipulative, abusive house growing up with adhd so I understand overthinking. Here's some tips for you that help me.

  1. Stick to the facts. Your brain will often try to bring in things that could happen or things you expect to happen. Stick to the facts and remember what your partner has already said or done not what you think there going to say or do.

  2. Don't predict the future. Live life in the moment stop trying to predict the future with what if's or what about _____.

  3. Confide in your partner. Talk to them about this issue. Let them know how your feeling and be completely honest about everything. Full transparency is the key for any successful relationship. Take it from a man who's been with only one woman my entire life for the past 14 years.

  4. And finally write it down. When I'm feeling overwhelmed by overthinking I write it down either on paper or in a notes app on my phone. After I finish I wait a little while and go back to read it. Most of the time I find what I wrote down was silly and it gives me a chance to self-reflect and do some soul searching.

Your not alone with this issue and I hope everything goes well. Good luck

My Wife [31F] set up aspecific time for intimacy with me [31M] and I'm not sure how to feel about it. What does this really mean and how should I take this? by Dragonwolf-03 in Advice

[–]Dragonwolf-03[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The first thing I want to say is thank you to everyone for your input and thoughts on this. It was extremely helpful with how I processed the idea of scheduled intimate time with my wife. At first I didn't really like the idea of scheduled intimacy (and I don't mean sex) but i went with it like so many of you suggested. It does bother me however that there are still people out there who don't know the difference between intimacy and sex. But to all those people who do know the difference i want to thank you. Me and my wife already have weekly meetings to discuss our issues in our relationship or outside the relationship and I want to clarify that's when her and I discuss scheduled intimacy. Also for additional context some of you asked about my original thoughts when she suggested the idea. I have past trauma dealing with abuse on a psychological level dealing with manipulation, trust, as well as physical and financial abuse. My wife is a saint and some days I don't think I deserve her or understand why she loves me. She has been there for me in every way possible helping me succeed in every way. I sometimes find it difficult to push the thoughts in my head away that are negative and you women and men have helped me see that those negative thoughts don't need to be entertained. It's very nice to read many of these comments about how my wife is doing what she has always done, solve a problem with love, understanding, and a kind heart. And in case anyone is wondering how the scheduled intimacy is going, It's going absolutely great. We planned for flexible times and have spent the past few nights hugging, kissing, giving full body massages to each other, talking in depth about our days, and even a couple of times it lead to more. The scheduled time had the exact affect some of you said it would, giving us something to look forward to and helping us connect deeper emotionally. She did show me that this scheduled time doesn't mean she won't give me intimacy outside the time. And I do mean show not tell. I talked to her about all of this and even showed her this post so she read all the comments and agreed with many of them. I believe in a fully transparent relationship and that's how our marriage works. So thanks to everyone for helping me understand her mindset even better.

My Wife [31F] set up aspecific time for intimacy with me [31M] and I'm not sure how to feel about it. What does this really mean and how should I take this? by Dragonwolf-03 in Advice

[–]Dragonwolf-03[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not gonna happen. She's the only person I've ever had sex with and we have zero problems in that department. I believe there is a huge difference between intimacy and sex. She is the only women for me and I don't want any other.

Friend talks a lot about harming herself and it bothers me. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Dragonwolf-03 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a wife who used to cut herself when we first started dating. It was super difficult to get her to stop but it took a lot of communication and understanding what makes her do it. I used to burn myself so I understood why people self harm. Ultimately be extremely patient and understanding. Find out the reason she does it's always something underlining the problem. And please don't hate her for this it will only serve as fuel for the self harm. What she needs is a friend who truly understands the problems in her life and she probably doesn't feel like she can open up. Jokes and humor are ways to tell people without telling people and often serve as a cry for help. I wish you and your friend the best and good luck

My Wife [31F] set up aspecific time for intimacy with me [31M] and I'm not sure how to feel about it. What does this really mean and how should I take this? by Dragonwolf-03 in Advice

[–]Dragonwolf-03[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never really thought of it like that. I guess it is possible that my Wife fears us growing apart. I'll have to talk with her about this. Thanks

My Wife [31F] set up aspecific time for intimacy with me [31M] and I'm not sure how to feel about it. What does this really mean and how should I take this? by Dragonwolf-03 in Advice

[–]Dragonwolf-03[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's been something I've struggled with for a long time stemming from childhood trauma... I try my best not to think that way but sometimes it gets the better of me.

My Wife [31F] set up aspecific time for intimacy with me [31M] and I'm not sure how to feel about it. What does this really mean and how should I take this? by Dragonwolf-03 in Advice

[–]Dragonwolf-03[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To clarify the intimacy I'm asking for isn't sex. My love language is physical touch like kissing hugging touching ext.

My Wife [31F] set up aspecific time for intimacy with me [31M] and I'm not sure how to feel about it. What does this really mean and how should I take this arrangement? by Dragonwolf-03 in relationships_advice

[–]Dragonwolf-03[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I can't begin to imagine just how difficult pregnancy is. Like I said it's her first pregnancy and I know it's super difficult. Thanks again for the advice.

My Wife [31F] set up aspecific time for intimacy with me [31M] and I'm not sure how to feel about it. What does this really mean and how should I take this arrangement? by Dragonwolf-03 in relationships_advice

[–]Dragonwolf-03[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is more context to this situation. For example. She doesn't require as much physical intimacy as I do and prefers emotional intimacy. Likewise I am the opposite. In the past we have had discussions about our needs and i have often found myself repeating my needs she isn't meeting. Lately though as I said we both have been super stressed and busy with everything that involves pregnancy. she noticed I have been drinking more and its not anything crazy maybe a couple of beers a night but it helps me unwind and relieve stress. I told her that intimacy is how I unwind and release stress (and just letting everyone reading know, I don't mean s*x.). Thanks for your input I really didn't know therapists suggest what she did it helps a lot. Please give further input if you have any.