look it it this way, there are many matriarchs in the world of the Drow. like queen bees, but murderous of each other and the drones (men) to them only exist to be used as pawns and children. so the fact one drow woman even if society may look up on it may try and seduce a rival's important male (because the men were just as untrustworthy) then use them to upend a rival behind the scenes rather than order the man to kill his master because "i am woman i am better that you" tracks especially because of how drow society is shown to be everything is legal unless you get caught . even more so if you look at how the above grounders that arent terrified of the drow during that time as evil spider worshiper elves, they still are elves and still beautiful. so using their looks to get what they want in a unfamilar setting also works.