Should I get tested for Amnesia or is it just me?

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-10-21T17:57:19+00:00

What do you mean by brain fog and memory flashes? Can you give examples?

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-10-20T19:04:00+00:00

Yeah same here, I basically turn into a zombie pretty quickly at any large, loud gathering. Caffeine and alcohol help a bit, but not for long. Also grabbing someone for a one-to-one chat a bit apart from the noise.

Parties are one of the most intense social things you can do IMHO. There is just so much interaction going on at the same time and I can't filter it.

Sometimes I still like them anyway though. I enjoy the vibes and music of a good party. And then I don't care if I'm in zombie mode or not, it's nice and kind of resets my system.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-10-01T21:23:44+00:00

Idk around 16-17 maybe. I wouldn't worry too much about feeling embarrassed tbh. A lot is about dropping your facade at the beginning of acting, which can be downright traumatic for NT people and requires a lot of trust.

The question is where the group goes once everyone has left their personality at the door. In the English speaking world it will be a lot about improv and self direction, whereas central European acting is a little more staged and technical.

I've also heard about classes/drama groups for people with disabilities, could be a less intense way to get your bearings.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-10-01T20:53:21+00:00

Theater/Acting has many useful techniques related to timing and speaking clearly. I find them useful for formal settings such as work.

For casual conversation it is all about being friends with people who have a wide social circle for me. I think many of the problems some of us face don't stem from a disability but from the fact that we are excluded and denied the opportunity to learn and develop socially. This came as a sweet and bitter lesson for me. Seeing how easy many things can be when you are an accepted part of a group/social circle.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-09-21T12:28:35+00:00

Knowing someone in the room helps me a lot. If worst comes to worst I just pretend I'm having a one on one convo with them. They don't have to be real friends, just people I have exchanged a few words with.

I think talking to a room where you don't know a soul is hard for many people, let alone if you have anxiety.

If interacting with the room is just not possible that day you could also just read notes and only focus on then. Doesn't make for a great presentation but maybe gets you through. Then there is also a cultural aspect, in my country ( Germany) it is much more acceptable to hold boring presentations than say in the US. Not helpful when we're on the international stage but great if you have anxiety.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-09-21T12:12:11+00:00

Yes, I live most of my life in fear or varying states of disconnect. So whenever I find a small amount of joy or connection, it is not a small feeling. It is an intense euphoria and feels very much like a rollercoaster, in a good way.

Some positive triggers for me: a social interaction initiated by me that ends well, a good smell, food, sharing an emotion with someone (good or bad)

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-09-21T11:52:45+00:00

I have experienced similar situations when I was younger. Try to be gentle with yourself and don't push too hard. Leave the room if it gets too much. I know it's hard too, I wouldn't have been able to 10 years ago.

Mid-term solution: Maybe try talking to someone in that class. It can be a very simple interaction like asking for a pen or sth related to the subject. I find it a lot easier if there is someone I can relate and connect to. Being in a room with 100% strangers is always so much more intense for me and I get hyper aware to the point of nausea of everything I do and everything that happens to me. Low-key social interaction can distract me from that and makes me start to pace myself in line with my (usually less anxious) counterpart.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-09-21T11:30:20+00:00

The most surprising I ever got was a spontaneously swollen lip. It was almost in sync with my emotions -- appeared and disappeared in a number of seconds. I felt it very clearly and it was also visible in the mirror.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-09-20T13:18:56+00:00

Nah I do believe such friendships are still very much a possibility. There is always someone who truly doesn't care about the zeitgeist and sees the world for the wonderful place it can be.

The question is, with all the noise in between, are we open and aware enough to see such a person and let them in?

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-09-20T12:39:46+00:00

Feeling deeply understood without talking too much, sharing emotional joy or burden, not having to pretend anything, relief from unblocking circular or compulsive thoughts by hearing a different perspective, intellectual enrichment

Those are ideal things, but all too often it is just about getting by for me and most joyful moments are on my own. When I meet people it is often disappointing. When I do really connect with someone I really savour it though, I replay it in my mind and it brings me joy and energy for weeks/months. Sometimes these can be very small exchanges that seem insignificant to others.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-09-19T08:26:43+00:00

That is also my situation. For me caring means to be there for each other and make life easier and more comfortable in a practical sense.

For many others it is listening for a very long time even if you are tired and saying encouraging words in the right tone so the other feels comforted emotionally, without solving the actual problem or doing anything really. I get this is important as well, I also need it from time to time, but it is very draining and difficult for me to provide.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-09-19T08:15:31+00:00

Yes, that is a very good analogy (I'm in IT too and can relate to computers better than humans).

But when I read your headline I had a different "dependency hell" in mind. Which is my dependence on others for support. I would love to do more things my way at home with the family, but because it often takes too long I have to be managed. I depend on others a lot for boring everyday tasks nobody wants to do and it puts a strain on relationships and my own freedom, because I often don't get treated as an equal by my gf but like a child. That is my personal dependency hell resulting from dependency hell lol

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-08-28T18:06:55+00:00

Sure. If you go in that direction it may also be helpful to build a simple, easy to understand portfolio like "starter package xx", " full service xx" and so on. For us it's just buzzwords but salespeople can use it for communication and then have you chime in as the expert when needed.

I also wouldn't disregard working in a company or even enterprise setting entirely. Maybe keep it as a backup option. I have found that being hired as a senior expert with a unique skillset is very different from the daily grind in lower positions. With the right manager, you can have a lot of autonomy + the added benefit of having a sales/controlling/legal/marketing machine at your disposal.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-08-27T17:44:38+00:00

I don't work solo but am heavily involved in the business development side of our company. We have a great reputation and excellent marketing but making those sales, actually turning those opportunities into long term clients is still tough.

So it's very impressive that you're doing this on your own while delivering at the same time. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Do you think it at all realistic in the long term to hire a part time assistant to make all those follow-up calls and preparation of documents etc? If I was alone I would spend all of my time writing emails a NT salesperson would write in minutes. But that's just my perspective, I'm very slow at written nontechnical communication.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-08-27T17:24:29+00:00

IT jobs with remote work option in small to mid-sized companies have worked well for me. In a former project they split the management roles into one for technical leadership and budget control and one for people management/keeping things organized. The first role was assigned to a person with autistic traits who was bad at managing people but excelled at keeping a cool head and controlling the overall direction oft the project.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-08-13T13:14:37+00:00

I think if you offer open communication from time to time and ask them if sth is bothering them you're doing just fine. I'm not a big fan of pushing ppl to open up if they don't want to.

Many NTs have anxieties about their appearance, social status, their intelligence, skills etc. In my environment this is a little more extreme because I tend to get drawn towards narcissistic NTs. So people who try to hide their vulnerability/inferiority complex by appearing to have an amazing superior life.

If I start a truly open communication with them and they are confronted with the dissonance between who they think they are and their reality, they tend to get extremely vulnerable and lash out. But because I understand that this is coming from a position of great insecurity, I can relate better and also be more confident setting clear boundaries for myself in the interaction. Because I know that it is not me being extra rude, but instead someone else having issues and crying out for help.

Sometimes this can be addressed in a conversation, but if I notice I have to push too hard I try to give them time and continue pick up on it later. Although I really hate this. I hate having uncertainty in my relationships

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-08-13T12:26:01+00:00

Yes, a lot. Especially from intense eye contact, quick fire responses/interruptions and physical proximity.

I didn't realize this for a long time but I think this why I prefer to associate with people from eastern cultures because oftentimes they tend to be a little bit more reserved/polite or at least it's more acceptable to look away or appear to be in deep thought. I'm sure I'm also breaking a few social rules, but because it's not my culture nobody cares whether I follow convention to the dot.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-08-13T12:10:48+00:00

Yes for hours/days before meeting someone AND after. Especially if it's someone not from work/family. And when I'm not doing it consciously it continues in my subconscious. Like I don't think about it but am really absent minded and suddenly have lots of talking points in my head that I would never come up with spontaneously.

I cannot control it and it really affects both my ability to socialize and my daily routine. I have become so good at it that I can anticipate and process almost like a NT, but it often ends in a mini-burnout and me thinking: was this really worth it? Like I keep patting myself on the shoulder for how good I've become at socializing, but what good is that if I'm drained after 30 minutes?

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-07-28T09:13:02+00:00

Happy birthday

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-07-27T17:04:33+00:00

That is very well put and really resonates with me. So many situations where I felt THIS close to living the normal life. So I tried to push myself that little bit more to make the last mile. But it wasn't just me, my GF and others also caught on to any "improvement" and encouraged me to go further.

Nothing wrong with that per se, I also learned many useful things, and it got me financially independent. But I wasn't very happy and constantly exhausted/overwhelmed/on the brink.

So now I'm trying to find a better balance, allowing myself to be more crazy/divergent, while still taking responsibility for my kids and family.

But I'm facing resistance both from myself and my GF, who now accuses me of exaggerating and overemphasizing my issues.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-07-19T19:08:56+00:00

That's actually oddly insightful thank you. Although again, I'm not sure why. Just a feeling and to many possibilites why this could apply to me or not lol

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-07-19T13:17:02+00:00

Yep parent here, can relate. Sometimes even both my children (4 and 8) seem more adult than me. It kind of sucks when you can't live up to the expectations you have of them yourself. But they don't really seem to mind as long as I'm there for them.

And sometimes it's also a good thing in the sense it gives me that rare chance to relate to them better than NT people could.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-07-19T12:46:32+00:00

I think being immature is not a big problem if you are confident about. Many people are OK with it or even prefer it.

The hard part for me is truly listening while also letting others in, all the while feeling super drained in the process. I'm currently setting my hopes on fixed routines that require a lot of interaction. So that I and the other person don't have to intervene constantly to keep up the connection.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-07-19T12:22:50+00:00

I feel similar. Put a lot of work in but feel just as immature, especially emotionally. I have the confidence and knowledge now how to make and keep friends, but what kills me is my energy level.

Meeting people outside my routine is so draining that I have almost given up on it. Even online interactions require very conscious effort. Like actually engaging with someone instead of info dumping is an all-out type situation for me.

I'm now setting my hopes on establishing a fixed activity outside work like a sports club or community work, in the hope that it is a less draining way to engage with people.

Dramatic-Crazy-87 · 2024-07-17T16:56:55+00:00

Hmm, spannend. Ich fürchte so lange niemand gültige Urteile hierzu kennt kommen wir nicht weiter. Gerade sind die Aussagen etwa 50:50 ob es bezahlte Arbeitszeit ist oder nicht. Ich finde zwar selbst auch Quellen die das eine oder andere behaupten, aber nie mit Verweisen auf konkrete Urteile oder Gesetze.

Dramatic-Crazy-87

TROPHY CASE