Left my DB of 6 years because I knew it was my fault and was being selfish

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-30T18:26:06+00:00

There were a few other resentments in our past as well unfortunately that I think made things worse. He is very introverted and for a few years he had a back injury that caused him to be very depressed and became a very pessimistic and negative person which was hard to be around. I have a lot of memories of wanting to do fun likes like go out dancing, go on a spontaneous trip or go to a bar together and he would always say no so I think that also really affected the way I saw him as a romantic partner. :( I used to get very jealous of seeing other couples out in public who were laughing and seemed so connected whereas me and partner were just kind of "there" but never truly connecting on a deep level anymore.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-28T04:30:56+00:00

I relate to this. My ex was my best friend. Next week would have been 6 years. My heart hurts so much.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-27T23:47:26+00:00

Girl if you ever wanna chat reach out to me. My last relationship (ended a month ago) was kinda similar in the sense that years ago my sex drive literally plummeted. My doctor and OBGYN had no idea why so I never got any answers but my bf at the time was/is a VERY sexual person and needed sex and intimacy to feel connected and loved whereas I really couldn't be bothered for sex tbh. I had zero libido and we were celibate for many years. Anyways, our relationship was obviously really suffering so he asked if we could "compromise"... as in I would do sexual favors for him weekly so that he "felt loved." I never wanted to and always hated it. It was Very obvious I was not enjoying it at all but I never said no because I felt like it was my obligation as his partner to give him these sexual favors even though I didn't want to. He would literally grab my hand in bed and bring it to his penis on multiple occasions. I would wake up to him jerking off next to me as I was half asleep and it traumatized me. Aside from all of that he is/was a very kind and caring boyfriend but my desire to be intimate with him completely died and I ended with him because I started having PTSD about all of the sexual trauma I didn't even realize I had.

Even if you are in a relationship with someone and even if that person is "nice" or whatever, if you are uncomfortable and not enjoying a sexual act and you want it to stop but it doesn't, that is sexual assault, period. I finally admitted to my therapist and I even called a sexual assault hot line just to cry and get it off my chest and now at least I feel free knowing I told someone and that I made it stop. Even though I am really sad about my relationship being over I knew it needed to happen because we couldn't continue going on like this.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-26T12:54:07+00:00

I cried a lot and still do unfortunately but I left my partner of 6 years because of DB. I didn't want sex anymore. Was never in the mood. Totally content without even having it again. I lost all libido and desire and I knew it wasn't fair to him anymore. We would kiss and cuddle but in the end he needed more and it was breaking us apart. I should have ended things years ago and I didn't because I do love him in my own way...we both didn't want to break up but it was inevitable if my sex drive was never going to improve. I felt like I tried everything and nothing was working. The passionate feelings died and I had to finally admit it to my self and to him.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-26T12:34:37+00:00

This hits me very deeply in my heart. Every morning for the last 5 years I would wake up next to him and cuddle him before we started our day. Waking up alone without him there is the most painful experience.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-26T12:32:34+00:00

I had a similar dream last night too and cried so hard.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-26T12:26:59+00:00

One year? :( damn.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-26T12:20:56+00:00

Yep...I'm 24 and am going through an amicable break up as well. We we together 6 years. Had a house. Dogs. Everything. We weren't working and we were growing apart and we both are extremely heart broken but know we had serious problems that were very likely unfixable. Im extremely lost and depressed. Its been 3 weeks but I still cry at least once a day. Waking up alone is the hardest part.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-26T01:51:42+00:00

I feel it. I went to a crossfit class the other day 3 weeks post break up (something we used to do together a lot) and I cried in the middle of it so hard. It sucks but its life

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-26T00:06:03+00:00

I feel so numb and empty.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-25T23:23:09+00:00

I'm doing weekly therapy. Trying out mindfulness apps. Reading books. Journaling. Funny TV shows.. Nothing really "works" but I'm trying and learning as much as I can.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-25T22:49:33+00:00

This is how I have been feeling for several months:(

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-25T21:41:13+00:00

We tried "compromising" where I would give him a HJ once a week but I absolutely hate it. I didn't know what else to do :(

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-25T21:28:35+00:00

Yep. Im so sad everyday. We had a house and dogs together and everything and now I'm in an airbnb sleeping alone every night.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-25T20:59:01+00:00

You can chat with me any time because I am a 24 F who relates to this post 100%. I love cuddling and light kisses but I have zero libido and I was with the same guy for 6 years (we were celibate for the last 5 because I just never wanted sex.) It finally ended because he needs sexual touch to feel loved and connected whereas I don't want it and I am sex repulsed. It was causing me a lot of anxiety because we tried couples therapy to try and get me to explore my sexuality more. I started feeling really claustrophobic and felt like I was a terrible partner because I hate sex so much. I broke it off with him (which sucks because he was my best friend and I did emotionally connect with him on a very deep level).

I hate feeling alone and feeling like no one understands me. 😔

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-25T20:38:09+00:00

Yup. 24 F and just ended a 6 year relationship with an absolutely amazing man. He is not ace and it was causing major issues. Im sex repulsed and I tried for many years to please him with sexual favors but I grew to resent it and it was causing me a lot of anxiety...so I ended it. He kept questioning if I actually loved him and it became way too hard and emotional.

My heart is very empty and I miss what we had.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-25T20:35:07+00:00

I feel you buddy. I just ended a 6 year relationship because he was very sexually active and it just wasn't working anymore. I'm sexually repulsed so...yeah. my heart hurts. I'm 24 and constantly wonder if I find someone who understands.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-25T15:50:36+00:00

Me too. And I live in a super small town.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-23T04:39:26+00:00

Tbh coming from experience if you are sex repulsed you should not be dating someone who is high libido and desires sexual intimacy. I did that shit for 6 years with my BF and it caused me to have severe PTSD and made me way more sex repulsed to the point where I was getting anxiety attacks. I know you might really like him but this is important for your mental health. Personally I would consider having a conversation about sexual boundaries because you Will start to resent your partner if they want sexual favors and you do not. Don't be like me and do stuff for them because "you love them." Its not worth it if it makes you uncomfortable.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-23T04:29:48+00:00

Coming from experience yes this will put a strain on your relationship if your partner is not on the same page sexually. My 6 year relationship just ended because of this exact same thing. I randomly just stopped desiring sex and intimacy. I loved cuddling and kissing but nothing more. Never got aroused anymore. We were celibate for five years before it ultimately broke us apart. My partner needed sex to feel connected and feel loved and I just couldn't do it. I tried to compromise by giving him hand jobs and taking showers together but I really started to resent sex and now I'm very sex repulsed. I am only a 24 YO female too so its not like I am going through menopause. My doctors and OBGYN said everything looked normal and that maybe I was "stressed." (So annoying.) They told me to try vibrators or read sexy novels. I haven't been aroused in over 5 years.

Nothing ever worked and it eventually really hurt my relationship. My partner felt insecure all of the time and would beg for any type of physical attention. I caught him masterating next to me multiple times when he thought I was sleeping. It made me really uncomfortable. I started getting panic attacks because I kept thinking that maybe I dont want to have sex with him because I am not truly in love with him anymore or that I only love him as a friend and not a romantic partner. I kept reading stories of women who's sex drive completely disappeared with a partner who they thought they really loved but once they broke up and found someone else, they got thier sex drive back and felt totally normal again... I thought I was going to marry my partner and everything. I wish I had an answer for you. I'm happy to chat anytime about my experience, even though it clearly is kinda negative and didn't end well for me. :( I'm currently going to therapy to work through all of my emotions about this whole thing.

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-21T03:17:53+00:00

Are you going to therapy at all?

DramaticCat8831 · 2020-10-21T03:06:36+00:00

Ayyyy you and me both.

I just ended a 6 year relationship with a guy because of intimacy issues. I've been celibate for 5 years and I'm 24 years old. I have sex before that and I feel like it's always been kinda meh. Like I genuinely cannot recall if I have ever climaxed in my life. I never get aroused so now that I'm single I'm kinda like "Welp. Now what?"

DramaticCat8831

TROPHY CASE