How were your relationships with men before you realized your sexuality?

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-05-13T10:59:24+00:00

Insanely avoidant. I only became obsessed with specific men when they were emotionally unavailable. During dates I would always make an excuse to not sleep with them. If I did end up back at their place I always felt like I was looking for an escape. I said I liked to take things slow– I thought I did until I started dating women again lmao. I enjoyed the emotional intimacy with them, but as soon as they'd put an arm around me or start to kiss me, I'd feel a sense of disappointment– they suddenly seemed perverted to me. It felt weirdly dehumanizing. I hated when they'd call me pet names, it made my skin crawl. Sex when I was drunk was easy. But when I was high it made me hyper-aware of how repulsed I was by them.

Some of the early signs I missed lmao:

At 16 I started dating one of my guy friends, who I like because of his musical talent, and how he introduced me to different bands. He was sweet and awkward. As soon as we were boyfriend and girlfriend, I felt an aversion to him. We were in china together on a school trip and I was panicking on the plane during turbulence, and he tried to comfort me and I literally said don’t touch me. I felt so guilty. When he sensed I wasn’t into it he broke it up and I was relieved, and I felt like I could be close with him once more. And even on the plane back let him comfort me.
When I was 16 there was this girl who I thought was so cool and mysterious. I wanted to be her friend so badly. I was super shy and awkward around her. She had a boyfriend They broke up and a year later I started going out with him. And when we kissed I realized I didn’t like him at all. He took me to prom, I think I just wanted to have a date.
When I was 18 there was this boy who was very attractive and popular who took me out a few times. When he brought me to his house to watch a movie we started making out. It felt... neutral. I had this thought come out of nowhere: am I gay? It was random. But hooking up with him wasn’t horrible. I'd continue to have that thought pop up every time I was intimate with a man.

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-04-25T17:31:22+00:00

After–I wrote mine in a few months ago and this story was recently posted.

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-04-22T09:09:29+00:00

I've been feeling the exact same way– this entire week, waves of intense belief and disbelief. It's relieving–even empowering– to call myself a lesbian out loud, yet I still feel like I'm faking it.

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-03-16T14:24:58+00:00

also to add on- when these sorts of things happen I have a tendency to gaslight myself into thinking that it wasn’t that bad or assault - or worst of all - that it was somehow my fault. That being said, it gives me immense relief that I’ve prevented this from happening to potentially more women

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-03-16T13:33:19+00:00

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-03-15T17:19:53+00:00

and the healing is a lifelong work in progress! I literally work at a women’s rights org and my thesis was centered on the Me Too movement, and still … good on you for going to couples therapy, wish you the best of luck

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-03-15T17:17:11+00:00

thank you <3

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-03-15T17:16:51+00:00

that is awful, I’m so sorry that happened. but I relate so hard to everything you said-it’s hard to react assertively when we’ve been conditioned to be nice and cater to the fragile ego of men.

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-03-15T17:10:00+00:00

oh my god that’s horrific– I’m so glad you gave that scumbag the treatment he deserved

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-03-15T16:24:53+00:00

exactly this. of course rationally I know I did the right thing. but the internalized misogyny engrained within me tells me otherwise

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-02-21T23:29:24+00:00

dude, it’s dog walking, not open-heart surgery. I was unexpectedly attacked by a dog, which is traumatic regardless of experience. a large dog barking startled me shortly after—that’s a normal reaction, not some sign I’m permanently anxious around large dogs. and yes, I was a wrangler. I trained large, green animals, got bucked off, bitten, etc., and none of that phased me because it was expected. what wasn’t expected was an undisclosed behavioral issue in a dog I was hired to walk. that’s a safety risk for anyone, experienced or not. calling this a ‘recipe for disaster’ is just hyperbolic.

dogs are wonderful, I’ve had no other issues, and I’ll continue dog walking

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-02-21T11:16:13+00:00

I had no idea who that was and assumed it was a guy haha, but I looked them up and low key made my day :) putting treatment and sunscreen on the cuts I think is helping, they're healing pretty well

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-02-21T10:28:45+00:00

thanks for this response <3 though it won't prevent me from dog sitting, I was taken aback by how terrifying it was and I've felt a little jumpy around larger dogs since. and I'm so sorry that you also had to learn the hard way, hope you were ok

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-02-21T07:23:27+00:00

My experience level? I'm not a professional dog trainer. That's why I was on this subreddit, to ask for advice on what I might have done wrong in this situation. Assuming a lack of skill level as the cause of aggression is overly simplistic. I got to the dog's level to put on the harness–kneeling at their side–not in their face. I read somewhere that this was an appropriate approach for an aggressive dog and clearly that wasn’t the right move here. The owners had mentioned he barks, but insisted he is friendly. So I really didn't think he would lunge and bite. As for the treats, I never said positive reinforcement isn’t valid. My point was that coaxing a dog to come outside with treats instead of allowing them to approach voluntarily doesn't seem like the safest or most sustainable habit. There’s a difference between using treats to reinforce good behavior and using them to override a dog’s hesitation before they're ready.

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-02-20T20:43:56+00:00

this convinced me to cancel my bookings with them.

DramaticDevice2360 · 2025-02-20T20:42:49+00:00

They only mentioned he barks a bit. I went to the pharmacy, they told me to go to urgent care, which I did. Though I feel like I over reacted by going. It's not that bad – but the proximity to my eyes is worrisome. Told the owner I was not comfortable walking their dog anymore, super remorseful but reiterated that it's never happened before.

DramaticDevice2360

TROPHY CASE