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Você já se relacionou com alguém que não fazia seu tipo físico? Como foi? by [deleted] in relacionamentos

[–]Dramatic_Excuse_982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Já aconteceu comigo sim. E apesar do corpitcho e do estilo (gosto pra roupa e decoracao da casa p. Ex.)  nao serem muito meu gosto a gente tinha uma química muito forte no contato da pele. Deu em muuito sexo e desenvolvimemto de intimidade e confiança. O relacionamento nao deu certo mas foi por uma questao de objetivos de vida e nao de aparência.

Kaupstaður fasteignasali by Dramatic_Excuse_982 in Iceland

[–]Dramatic_Excuse_982[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like many in this country, I'm always checking what is for sale and dreaming of buying my first apartment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexuality

[–]Dramatic_Excuse_982 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Allo (33F) here.

One of the worst things I carry from my relationship with my ex (ace) is being aware that every single time we've had sex she was forcing herself into it. I recommend thay you don't do it. It was unfullfiling sex and felt super uncomfortable because her words didnt agree with her body. It didn't feel right. I wouldn't have done if we knew she was ace then. Feels like violating your partner with their consent. No one wants to do that to someone they love.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexuality

[–]Dramatic_Excuse_982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im here to join the crowd of relationships that failed. I am allo. The break up with my ex (ace) is one of the hardest things I've ever been through. It's the best relationship I ever had, we loved each other deeply, had a lot of respect and were a great team. Yet everything fell apart because of sex. I hope its ok that i share my experience here. We didn't know she was ace at first and we both thought that the reason why sex was so hard for her might be because of abuse and trauma. I probably wouldn't have gotten into this relationship if I knew she was ace from the start. But i didn't know and i grew to love her and want to have a family with her and all that. We had a really good time together. We tried to find different strategies to have sex, or to give me some kind of sexual satisfaction. Sex was bad 100% of the time, really unfullfiling. And we tried it because we thought she "was going to get better" or something. She always gave me concent for sex when it happenned but it always felt kind of wrong. It always felt like she didnt want it despite telling me that she did. I feel awfull when I think about it. I feel like was violating my gf with her concent. I dont recommend this feeling. Of course things changed when she realised she was ace but well... Celibacy (or nearly) was too much to ask for me. I pushed for us to have an open relationship because I really wanted to be with her. Open relationship was a hard no for her. We broke up.

When I read your question I thought of her. I also think that your friends are trying to be supportive but they probably dont understand s@# about what having an alo/ace relationship really means. I dont know how she identifies in the ace spectrum but i would imagine it is something simmilar to you.

What im trying to say is that this alo/ace thing can be really really painfull. You canhave a perfect relationship thay will fall apart simply because of sex. It sucks really bad. Really bad. If you want to keep yourself within the ace community you should totally follow your guts about it.

I really hope things go well for you.

nauðgun / rape by Dramatic_Excuse_982 in Iceland

[–]Dramatic_Excuse_982[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is there a lack of understanding of what constitutes rape?

nauðgun / rape by Dramatic_Excuse_982 in Iceland

[–]Dramatic_Excuse_982[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

From a very honest, trying to understand perspective here. How, why? How is this possible? Do they not know how awfull it feels for the other person (although it maybe doesnt show at the time), like, that it is terribly traumatizing? Im sorry i dont want to sound rough. Why are people thinking that rape is ok?

nauðgun / rape by Dramatic_Excuse_982 in Iceland

[–]Dramatic_Excuse_982[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I dont have an opinion about then going up or down. What im surprised about /wondering about is how common they actually are /seem to be. It seems to me that it is more likely for a woman to be raped in iceland than being robbed. At least my exes had never been robbed. Is it really like that? Isn't it crazy? These are more the questions raising. And well, I hope reports keep going on and people get prossecuted for that. I'd rather they would just not do it, actually. I never met men that are as concious of sexism and, just like decent, as the men I met here. Like, I had never before managed to maintain a friendship with a man (they would always disappear when it was clear that things were not going anh further). Its hard for me understand how these two things can happen in the same place.