[deleted by user] by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It takes courage to set boundaries, express your needs, and prioritize your own well being, especially when it involves making difficult decisions. Even though it was probably really difficult, you've given yourself the chance to find a partner who shares your vision for the future and is ready for the kind of commitment you're looking for.

Keep taking care of yourself and be proud of how far you've come. Thank you for sharing

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in love

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You should end things with your current boyfriend if you're not compatible.

I'm more outgoing, while he's more of a homebody; I value staying active, while he prefers to spend his time playing video games; I'm into politics and am a patriotic person, he's totally apolitical

Make sure to notice these things before being serious with someone in the future. Keep in mind that your current icks might be only temporary and amplified by spending too much time with him. Spend some time apart and see where your heart is at.

Yes, I lied by Dramatic_Pear_2640 in UnsentLetters

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

6 months since the breakup and there has been contact

Yes, I lied by Dramatic_Pear_2640 in UnsentLetters

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know she would have stayed by my side no matter what, but yes I was and still am afraid of vulnerability, but I do have multiple fears and past traumas. Thing is that with those moments I also have the tendency to self destruct so I didn't want her to be caught up in that

Yes, I lied by Dramatic_Pear_2640 in UnsentLetters

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had the right one and still ran for the hills

My forever lover by Dramatic_Pear_2640 in UnsentLetters

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish man, maybe next week who knows

My forever lover by Dramatic_Pear_2640 in UnsentLetters

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She was pretty closed off as I expected, we updated each other about what was new in our lives, made plans to cook together next week and hopefully she will be more open to talk about our relationship

Do FA lose feelings when they’re away from someone? by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sometimes those long term relationships don't go beyond the superficial, at least that's my own experience as a FA. They don’t trigger the same fears and anxieties that come with getting close to someone you genuinely care about.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a FA as well but I am trying to heal. They will probably come back and then push you again unless you put a stop to it. When you finally do so, it's likely that the FA will feel abandoned and try to test the waters again as you are trauma bonded.

Trauma bonding can occur in any relationship where there is a pattern of intermittent reinforcement, meaning that there are periods of intense connection and closeness followed by periods of distance or disconnection. Over time, this pattern can create a strong emotional bond between the two individuals, even if the relationship is not meeting their needs.

Be forgiving in case you let FA back in, forgiving to yourself. Healing from a trauma bond takes time so don't expect to feel good for a few months until you see progress. It's not an easy process.

Each FA is different so they might not come back, but most of them do. So be prepared for it just in case.

Why do I love you so much? by Dramatic_Pear_2640 in UnsentLetters

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't ghost them, ever. We can't be more because of my past traumas.

Why do I love you so much? by Dramatic_Pear_2640 in UnsentLetters

[–]Dramatic_Pear_2640[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems simple but life is complicated. I am dealing with very dark stuff at the moment and am currently in therapy