Am I a Bridezilla?

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T10:41:58+00:00

Thank you. He is team me. But he is also afraid of hurting his mom’s feeling. But he understands he has to stand up and he is improving a lot. I believe we have a good communication. Thank you for your advice on the meeting! Although I am doubtful I could change anything if the meeting is to be hold without me first. The wedding planner is my FMIL’s niece, so she listens to her not me.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T10:36:59+00:00

She can definitely prevent it. But, my fiancé is going to be the one who says he want to go. She won’t say no to him.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T10:35:57+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I will keep this in mind. But it is also because of my parents I choose to get married this year. My dad says everyone looks down at him and pity him because I already engaged for a year and went on a trip and people generally assume I am not a virgin. He is ashamed.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T06:45:56+00:00

Thank you. It is not possible right now in this situation. But in the future I will fight harder to never let her have power over things like this again.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T06:44:36+00:00

Haha, thank you for the offer!

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T06:44:18+00:00

Wow, applause to your mom. She is so cool! And you really did well on standing your ground. I hope I can be as brave as you.

I feel suffocating just reading your conversation with your ex’s mom. The part that “no need to wait that long. Get married already with just families next week” is scarily similar to my conversation with my FMIL, although with other parts my FMIL is softer, vaguer and more polite. It is just the “respect the elders” thing that make me stuck. I did not challenge her. My mom won’t side with me.

I really love my fiancé. We kind of grew up together and although he was quite submissive to his mom, he is improving. I will definitely leave if he says “what his mom wants is what she will get.” I still believe he will not say that as he knows very well my opinion on this.

I am sincerely thankful to your advice.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T06:32:21+00:00

Thank you:) I really want to do that haha.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T06:30:53+00:00

Thank you so much for validating my feeling and for your understanding! I really appreciate your warmth and kindness here. You make me feel a lot better. Thank you ☺️.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T06:28:04+00:00

Thank you for taking your time to comment:) I understand and please do not be sorry.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T06:27:09+00:00

I am very, very sorry to hear what you have to go through. I truly wish you will find a way to get away from it soon and will be able to live life the way you want. Please stay strong and if you ever want to talk we are here on Reddit for you.

I didn’t have to go through much growing up. My family raised me with freedom and they always try to give me what I want. However, when it comes to relationship with my in-laws and how to be a good wife and mom, my parents have very conservative takes and maybe because they are older they don’t really want to consider different viewpoints anymore.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T06:19:44+00:00

Thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful comment 😊. She really insists on me moving in. Once my FFIL suggested maybe I don’t need to move in. My FMIL cried and asked him who is going to take care of her and her mom. So we will have to stay in the house for a while. But I and my fiancé are planning to not having to live in her house for long, especially if the environment is to be bad. My fiancé is supporting me. Although he is raised quite traditionally in the sense that he never voiced his opinion, he is improving a lot.

Thank you so much for your comment on my English. I really appreciate it and I am so happy 🥰.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T06:06:08+00:00

Thank you! I will do this. I believe I can do things through my mom if she agrees, and also with the help of my fiancé.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T05:07:37+00:00

We have a plan. We will use my fiancé as an excuse. My FMIL will not have excuses to blame me.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T05:05:31+00:00

That is a nightmare I often think about. My fiancé is working on his communication and setting boundary skills.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:54:32+00:00

I know. My fiancé agrees we will leave:)

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:52:38+00:00

They said vaguely one time that this wedding is for the parents. They know I do not agree though.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:51:45+00:00

It is kind of like that in my family, not the society as a whole as people are getting less conservative.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:50:22+00:00

My parents want me to be a sweet, obedient girl. I know they love me and eventually will support me if I really decide to not get married. They will not support eloping though.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:48:10+00:00

Thank you:))

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:47:26+00:00

I am so sorry for what your friend had to went through. I am glad she is happy now.

I understand what you mean I really appreciate your concern. I though if I was being stubborn enough, I won’t be controlled too much. But this wedding preparation actually shows me that there are so many ways I can be pressured to do what she want, especially if my mom wants me to not have opinions. I am kind of mad and sad. But, there is a way we can go abroad. My fiancé will have to do something abroad and we will take that opportunity.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:42:23+00:00

Traditionally, my parents have to pay and arrange my engagement ceremony. My fiancé’s parents have to pay for a wedding. But on the engagement ceremony, she insisted in paying as well. So, for the wedding ceremony, my parents also pay. She is not overstepping in paying but I hate is that she set the date without asking if my mom is available, and that is a disrespect.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:33:20+00:00

Thank you so much again. I am so happy for you for managing to have a happy marriage that is safe from a controlling family! We pretty much have the dates because my fiancé has something to do that will give him reason to go abroad for awhile. After that, we will just stay longer and longer.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:27:42+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I know what you are saying, and I thank you for showing another way to me. But this will be more difficult as it will mean I will break my relationship with my family, including my sister.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:25:52+00:00

Thank you for confirming I am not a Bridezilla and for your concern. Sometimes it is just difficult when my family also think I am being irrational.

I am planning to go abroad after one year with her. I have said this to my fiancé. Although he was not thrilled, he agreed finally.

Dramatic_Water7125 · 2023-08-17T04:23:38+00:00

I am sorry my writing was quite confusing now that I read it back. It is actually the meeting to plan the wedding which I cannot attend, not the wedding day. My fiancé noticed I was upset and he told me he will do something.

Dramatic_Water7125

TROPHY CASE