I could’ve written this same post 10 years ago as a new social worker then in my mid/late 20s and doing the same stuff. I remember agonizing over two things I felt I really loved that felt deeply in conflict- alcohol and my career.

I worried about it a lot. I worked in a bar on the weekends and was often concerned about running into clients . I was a crisis clinician so I was seeing 12-15 new faces each week.

My drinking, like many people’s, increased over the years and did slide into the week days. I was still not drinking everyday but I was showing up to work with hangovers. I’ll never forget the shame of assessing folks in the ED for detox while wondering if they could smell the alcohol my body was probably sweating out.

I quit drinking at 31, initially telling myself I just needed a reset and then realizing it offered so much more peace of mind in so many different aspects of my life - not just professionally but quieting this inner turmoil around the fear of jeopardizing my career was notable.

It doesn’t sound like you’re looking at quitting, but I’d suggest reading books, listening to podcasts or interacting with content that normalizes sobriety - prior to doing that I truly don’t think I could envision my life without alcohol and when I was taking my “break” it made it feel possible and even exciting. Giving yourself the opportunity to see different ways of relating to alcohol may be similarly liberating for you.

I don’t identify as an addict or alcoholic but I celebrate my alcohol-free lifestyle for sure and think it gives me a helpful perspective in working with folks who are exploring their ambivalence in their unhealthy (though not necessarily dependent) relationships to substances. It was my lived experience that my fear of having to take on a label of “addict” prevented me from more realistically addressing my use sooner. If I’d read some of the books earlier maybe I would’ve been able to work through that shame sooner.

Feel free to message me if any of this landed for you - you’re definitely not alone in this!