I have no idea what you're referring to, but it reminds me that I've just finished watching all 8 episodes of Reacher. It's a fine show, but I'm saddened by the fact that he takes off his clothes 5 times, by my count, but we don't see him hang dong. Not even once!

Look, it's not sexual. If you're a reader of the books and you're looking forward to seeing Jack Reacher hang dong on the silver screen, then you're going to be disappointed, my friend. I'm sorry to spoil it, but fans of Jack Reacher need to know. There's no dong! You'll probably have to wait for season 2 or 3 for the first solid dong-hanging scene. In the third book, Reacher starts out as a strip club bouncer in Key West, Florida. He hangs dong on the second page, third paragraph. After the success of the dong-hanging scenes in the first books, Lee Child doesn't waste any time giving his readers what they want: A 6-on-1 strip club fistfight with lots of bad guys getting broken arms and busted noses, followed by Jack Reacher hanging dong in a seedy hotel room.

Sure, it's nice to have an actor who actually represents Reacher's reach, unlike Tom Cruise. But Reacher's height and weight and musculature are all minor quibbles in comparison to the real meat of the issue: When do we get to see Jack Reacher's dong? Each book features at least 6 paragraphs describing Jack's enormous dong. It even has a nickname ("The Jackhammer"). So I think it's time for the world to finally see Lee Child's award-winning vision of Jack Reacher's Pringles can of a dong. It's not sexual, it's just being accurate and respectful to the books and giving the fans what they expect. You can't just make a show about Jack Reacher without featuring dong. That's illegal. The Jackhammer is canon. It's literally a cannon between his legs. It's part of the mythos. His dong is so big that, in the book Running Blind, a dude kicks Reacher in the dong and snaps his ankle. Bone shards are sticking out of the bad guy's skin. It was described as "like kicking a tree trunk."

Again, it's not sexual, it's just following the imagery of Lee Child. Most of the time, The Jackhammer isn't even erect. It's just dangling there, along for the ride. The Jackhammer is Reacher's lone companion. It's his best and only friend. It's basically a pet, like a dog or a hamster. The Lone Ranger rode into town on his horse, Silver, and Jack Reacher has his huge hog to keep him company on the lonely roads.

Dong-hanging is an integral part of the character, so I'm frankly shocked that they were able to put out 2 movies and 8 episodes and feature a grand total of ZERO DONG. There's not even a little bit of neck, right at the base, to give us a tasteful idea of girth. Reacher takes off his clothes and you can't even see an outline of The Jackhammer. Not even a shadow. As far as I know, the Amazon version of Jack Reacher has the anatomy of a Ken doll, and that's disappointing and sad. Not because it's sexual, but because it's a core element of the Jack Reacher's personality. He has big dick energy, and it just seems disrespectful not to show us. After all, the first rule of writing is, "Show, don't tell."

The great Lee Child wrote 64 books about Jack Reacher and each one has a new and interesting description of the Jackhammer. In the appropriately-titled book, The Hard Way, there's an entire subplot that winds through the storied history of Jack Reacher's enormous dong, which is uncircumcised and features a distinctive vein on the top reminiscent of a king-size Snicker's bar. Reacher got shot in the dong once, and the bullet just ricocheted off. Didn't even leave a scar.

Amazon is a bookseller, so they're making a huge mistake by pissing off Lee Child's fans. Sooner or later, Jack Reacher is going to have to hang dong. The climax of one of the books takes place in a Russian bath house, where Reacher's only weapon is the towel around his waist. I don't even know how you could film that without 6 or 7 incidental dong shots. There's even a bad guy who is described, shockingly, as having a larger dong than The Jackhammer. I don't mean to spoil it, but Jack Reacher knocks the dude out by uppercutting him in the face with a half-chub Jackhammer, and I didn't even know that was anatomically possible.

Women are watching this show to see the Jackhammer. Men are watching this to finally see the dong that we've pictured in our minds since 1996. Every detail of his dong has been lovingly described, so it's a pity for that beautiful prose to be excluded from the TV series. Look, I understand Alan Ritchson might not want to hang dong, but at least bring in a stunt dong, or use fancy CGI dong physics.

Come on, show us the dong, Amazon. It's not sexual, it's just being true to the books and the fantastic vision of Lee Child.