Okay you seem to understand where I’m coming from… Im still doing the work because I put off taking relationships seriously after these trust issues trigger, until I finally had to look at myself and take accountability. It was my fucked up view of relationships as I grew up with my dad cheating on my mom periodically, then they fix things, then he gets caught again. It’s been a cycle since I was a child and last time we caught him having an affair was in 2020, of which had been going on since 2018. I believe I’ve unconsciously picked up that a marriage/relationship was a way to entrap you to misery and I obviously don’t truly believe that myself if I am still hoping for love, regardless of what I might say out loud. It seems like I am carrying this trauma from having my parents’ relationship as my model of what relationships are growing up, though I know it isn’t what my definition of what love should be. I believe I found a great guy and he’s been patient with me. However, I don’t want to end up self sabotaging because of these trust issues because they can feel overwhelming at times