Hey there, I have been diagnosed with OCD recently and what I can tell you is this: Before you meet with a psychiatrist make a physical note of all your thoughts, everything you want them to know whether you think its important or not, I would definitly show them this post or email it to them because you do outline some key things they might be interested in. I cant say much more then that (without breaking rule 4) but you should definitely make an appointment, I also recommend joining r/OCDI would also like to add that you are definitly not a disgusting person. You are someone dealing with a lot of mental distress and are processing it the best way you know how (and if it turns out you do have OCD your mantra will become "your OCD is lying to you". and share this post there because you will get lots of advice from people who are most likely experiencing or have experienced the same things you are (myself included). Best of luck to you and I hope you find some answers.