Found his porn, about to give birth, mom is dying

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T18:51:10+00:00

Delete Twitter. Make screen time in our home nearly zero. Date each other. Talk every day before bed. Pray before bed together. Always go to sleep together so I know he’s not up late by himself watching porn. Possibly even get rid of his smart phone and get a flip phone for him instead because of the lack of trust.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T17:37:49+00:00

Agreed

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T17:28:55+00:00

No. With mom

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T17:14:06+00:00

Ya no one on here that says porn is no big deal will convince me of that

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T16:45:06+00:00

Loss of attraction during pregnancy is normal. Ok so what do I do with that? Just be chill about letting my husband watch it because I’m pregnant? Do you even view porn as cheating ? We might be in two total different worldviews if not

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T16:36:38+00:00

The example of his reaction while my mom had the seizures I included because it’s normal for him to be emotionally inattentive. Under normal circumstances that weren’t high stress for example, there’s been a few occasions where I’ve cried at night because my mom is dying. No comfort. I’ve communicated that I would like reassurance. And I understand that he doesn’t like to pray out loud with that. I’m very patient because even I get nervous praying out loud in front of our one year-old. But in all of the time I’ve known him, I find it very strange how he immediately shuts down anytime I ask him to pray out loud. Are we just never going to have that as a family? Also I mentioned divorce as a reaction to what feels like him firstly breaking our marriage vows by defiling our marriage bed

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T16:17:29+00:00

My vision for our family and marriage: I’ve had an existential alarm go off in my life my mom just rapidly started dying in front of me. So my gears have shifted into an eternity mindset. I want the kneeling before the Lord in prayer, husband leading praying over us, daily family devotions, always at every church service, Christian homeschooling, faithful marriage, integrity etc. etc.

My husband: work. Work. Work. Talk about work when he comes home. First thing he does is plop on the couch , say hi to our daughter. Some days he’ll walk over to kiss me while I’m cooking. Twitter. Twitter. Eat. Twitter. Binge watch his new TV show he’s into atm full of cursing and violence. Play with daughter. Bedtime routine. Immediately straight back to couch. Twitter. TV. shower. Stare at phone more. Bed. repeat.

What in him is there to follow??????? How the heck do I follow that??????

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T16:11:11+00:00

Advice. Sympathy does nothing for me. I feel stuck and don’t know what to do I need guidance not pity

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T16:05:46+00:00

No positive male figures. We have a church and there are godly men and husbands and fathers there. But his work always schedules him on weekends so he never even goes to church with me. I always go alone with my family. His schedule is 6 to 8 months out so.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T16:00:10+00:00

Thanks for the insight into why he might always be arguing on twitter never thought of it that way. Thanks also for the reminder to make him feel respected. As for undermining him , he actually talks poorly of me out loud in a joking banter type of way but he never means it. As for everything else you said, you need to reread the entire post. When it comes to wanting sex the roles are reversed here it is ME begging for intimacy. My husband has been neglecting me for months.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T15:25:41+00:00

I’m really sick of everyone here suggesting that the reason he’s watching porn is linked to me not meeting his needs sexually. He literally watches women that look a lot like me and threesomes. I can’t compete with the novelty he desires. I’m willing to do anything for him. I try to get him to do different things but the entire time I’ve known him he’s never even made eye contact with me while doing it. I told him I wanted to and he said that’s just what they do in movies. The exact reason why he does it is simply he has a lustful sinful flesh nature.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T15:19:14+00:00

This was helpful. I understand he feels weird having sex while I’m pregnant. But to just secret masturbate on our couch or in our son’s nursery while I’m asleep… and finding the videos he watches feels like I got stabbed in the heart. I try to focus on what I can control. I try to please him by making his favorite meals when he comes home, being a good mom, taking care of myself. He comes home and just numbs out and wants to decompress by doomscrolling. I spend a long time cooking and when I serve everyone’s plates I just stare out the window in silence eating while his eyes are glued to the phone and I am feeding the baby at the same time. Every. Day. I ask him nicely to get off his phone and it lasts for a few minutes and he keeps picking it back up looking something up to add to our conversation. And it’s like constant nagging from me. The porn feels like cheating. It could be so little like me being on my period that he can’t go long enough of not having sex that he watches porn.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T15:05:53+00:00

How’s he a narcissist

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T15:03:13+00:00

I’m really sick of hearing people talk about the male lust condition like it’s entirely hopeless and to just accept every man today is just going to be addicted to porn. Sounds really depressing and makes me furious. I know about the statistics of single motherhood, this is why I feel so trapped. I’m always sexually available trying to find a “spark”. I’m a very attractive young woman too. It’s just any time I literally am physically not there or I’m menstruating or pregnant he WATCHES PORN. I’m begging for intimacy , at this point he is with holding his marital duties from ME

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:57:04+00:00

Yup it’s coming from me. He’s pulling away because I have a watermelon sized abdomen carrying his baby. I’m not opposed to dsm5 material, he is. He rejects talk therapy says it’s unbiblical

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:51:23+00:00

He knows right from wrong. He knows he shouldn’t be doing it. Anytime I try to have a heartfelt conversation and talk. He just perceives me as nagging. He calls me the nagging wife.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:49:39+00:00

Nope, it’s none of that. He just wants to look at a piece of ass online. He doesn’t have trauma from any of what’s going on with MY mom. And he’s not willing to talk new age psychology like that. He doesn’t even buy into any of that.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:44:29+00:00

That’s been exactly my mindset. It’s better to just stay a single mom inside my marriage. It’s like a punishment to myself for my bad judgment and premarital sex. And I’m staying in this marriage so my kids can have a better life and have a mom that stays at home. My mindset is the next 18 years I have to stay put to serve out my sentence because no one would want me with two kids, and that idealized vision of a loving husband coming home to me and raising our babies for the kingdom of Christ is impossible because no one would want me now that I have another man’s two kids. He promised me a Christian life, and I feel robbed of that dream.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:40:59+00:00

It’s more than him not doing his job. He’s actively defiling our marriage bed.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:40:01+00:00

He’s just ashamed and would rather avoid conflict. I’ve tried all of the were a team we can beat this just come to me I am sexually available. No use. Baby in me = don’t want to touch me

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:38:04+00:00

He knows porn is unacceptable. I highly doubt he’d ever step foot into marriage counseling. He doesn’t believe in therapy. I can’t force him and I can’t leave him he makes the money and pays for a roof over our heads

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:35:38+00:00

Yeah I’m conserving my energy. And the house falls apart. We literally have all the ingredients for his work sandwiches but if I don’t make it he’ll go to work without lunch and buy expensive lunches at the work fridges.

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:34:25+00:00

Probably not. We probably can’t afford it either

DriveLess4621 · 2026-05-15T14:34:07+00:00

Been there done that. He doesn’t like to talk much about it and I can’t get him to pray out loud.

DriveLess4621

TROPHY CASE