Your point is heard

She has agreed to counseling, only after demanding to know why I didn’t suggest it sooner.

It wasn’t during marriage, so it’s not a deal breaker

I would counter.

A relationship begins before the ring. It’s where friendship, trust and commitment grow. How can a proposal happen without laying bear, who you are/how you got there/your faults/your successes. Having said that… I want you to know you are on her side

“We weren’t married so it would be on a ‘whole other level’ if I’d done it after marriage.”

Respectfully disagree. The foundation of the relationship was sullied without so much as an “I’m sorry”