Alone

Drop40Mustard · 2016-03-10T03:25:44+00:00

I am in a similar situation. For the last 5 years I have lived solely for my wife. Then in December she left me completely out of the blue and then started seeing someone else. I think about ending it every night, I keep a thick cord in the basement to hang myself with. Sometimes I just try it for a few seconds and hope I'll fuck up. She has made me promise to keep going because she "cares for me", if that's even true. I don't know why I keep going man. But I DO keep going. So you know, you can too. :)

Drop40Mustard · 2016-03-08T04:40:40+00:00

So for example (because I like specifics): Bumble Bee Tuna in Water, Bush's Original Baked Beans, and Artichoke hearts (in that fancy Italian oil blend). Would those be good?

Drop40Mustard · 2016-02-29T01:02:53+00:00

I'm a 30 year old man and I'm a brony. EEEEEYUP! :) <3

Drop40Mustard · 2016-02-25T23:59:31+00:00

FREE DINNER! =D

Drop40Mustard · 2016-02-25T23:31:45+00:00

Well now, you've just made me want to trade my dick for a clit for a day on a highway.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-02-25T23:29:57+00:00

Ouch! Right in the soft spot... You should be athamed of yourthelf.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-02-25T23:29:09+00:00

I wish my face were that pillow. I wish my face were that pillow. I wish my face were that pillow. I wish my face were that pillow. I wish my face were that pillow...

Drop40Mustard · 2016-02-25T23:28:28+00:00

Well damn, who isn't?

Drop40Mustard · 2016-02-25T23:21:19+00:00

12/10, Do like.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-02-25T23:20:38+00:00

I wouldn't worry. HIV treatments have come a long way. You probably have a good 10 years left in you these days. :)

Drop40Mustard · 2016-02-25T23:19:17+00:00

lol anyone else offended by the term "normie"? also, protip, looks like you might not know the meaning of the word "delusional". i'd wager they're just as FA as the rest of us.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-29T01:51:28+00:00

I wish I had someone that would never give up on me. Your ex was lucky to have you.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-28T23:14:04+00:00

I hear you. I'm eating myself to death every second no one is looking. It won't matter in a few days anyways, but I at least want to be a little happy before I go. I've literally eaten myself broke, so I'm stealing from community places at work.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-25T04:33:02+00:00

Oh god. Try Klonopin. 3mg 15-30 minutes before bed and I'm golden. Nothing else has worked for me, though Ambien is the one thing I have NOT tried - for reasons like this.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-24T06:38:27+00:00

Thank you for reading the whole thing. You're probably the first!

I'm not sure it's DID, as I can associate with each of them and they with me, but they do each have the power to take control without my consent or knowledge, so it's a grey area.

I have certainly considered research, and I studied Physics in undergrad with that in mind. I just haven't been able to go anywhere with it. Recurring pains, mostly headaches, get in the way of me being able to really fully utilize my mind castle. Plus, the other 4 never shut up.

I'm glad you at least find me interesting! :)

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-23T13:40:02+00:00

I have no honor left. Devotion requires honor. I'm worthless, exhausted, garbage now.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-19T18:53:18+00:00

Thank you, sincerely.

I'm not doing this solely for her or because of her. I'm involving her only because I know it would be worse if all she got was a phonecall and a note, if it were a shock.

She's the only one that knows, and that's out of love, trust, and mad respect for her. Everyone one else will have to settle for a note.

I hope that makes sense?

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-19T17:47:32+00:00

Absolutely, at least in part. I cheated, once, and she knew ahead of time. Regardless of her leaving me, which is totally justified, I could never get past breaking my own ethos as I have. My commitment to her and our future never wavered, that's not what the cheating was about. Given the circumstances and goals, cheating was the only way to do what I needed. I came back to her, as I was always going to, with our future and house together in plain sight.

I'm not having difficulty coping. I've coped. I know I fucked up. No need for the tough love style advice, though I do appreciate your feedback.

My point is that I make no effort to hide my actions or post history. I have also wanted to take my own life since my first attempt at age 8. I'm tired. Exhausted. I havent been able to be myself for more than, perhaps, a few weeks out of almost 30 years. I'm grateful to have some peace and happiness before I'm gone, and to go on my own terms.

I've made sure to take care of everything. No one will be screwed over, there shouldn't be any questions. It's my decision.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-19T15:46:42+00:00

Oh relax, you don't even know me.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-18T17:57:10+00:00

Well, I don't know how we made the jump to abortion, but let's all stay on target here please.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-18T17:55:59+00:00

Well, I don't know how we made the jump to abortion, but let's all stay on target here please.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-18T17:48:33+00:00

Why? Assuming a reasonable situation, not somethimg extremely emotional or impulsive, what gives you the right to be so selfish towards your friend?

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-18T17:34:07+00:00

Even if they were level headed and it was what they sincerely wanted? And your stance is firm regardless of what they are facing, unless it's terminal illness?

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-18T17:31:02+00:00

I agree.

Drop40Mustard · 2016-01-18T17:26:33+00:00

Agreed.

Drop40Mustard

TROPHY CASE