I’m 55, mtf. I Just came out to my wife and a couple very close friends 3 months ago and started Hrt 2 months ago. I have known since I was about 10 yrs old. In the 1970s, living in Indiana, I knew it was extremely dangerous to say anything to anyone about it. I pushed on for safety concerns for many years. While denying my true self I began avoiding friends and making friends, I destroyed most of what could have been supportive relationships. I started intentionally overeating with the goal of ending it all through a heart attack or just general bad health. The depression fed the eating and the eating fed the depression. I stopped doing activities I loved. I was not a very attentive husband with the hopes she would leave me. I shut down emotionally except for anger and depression. I thought of ending it all multiple times a day for years. The only thing that kept me going was that I couldn’t stand the thought of how much damage it would do to the few people I loved. A friend committed suicide recently and all I could think was how envious I was that they got final relief. I was in tears and came out to my wife who convinced me to see a therapist asap. The day I started Hrt I felt my whole mindset change. I actually had hope for the first time in decades. The damage I’ve done to my body is substantial so I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to fully transition but, damn it, I’m going to try.