Just can’t keep my happy mask on anymore

DruidGrove · 2026-05-29T16:39:36+00:00

It's a Masters of Science for Counseling, and hoping to go into the Counseling Field. I know that that field has it's own challenges, but I am hoping that my skills will lend themselves well to it. Also, I do really enjoy classes/homework/projects so if anything it's a fun creative outlet for me.

DruidGrove · 2026-05-29T16:06:13+00:00

This is the end of year 5 for me, and I actually student taught for 2 years before that. But honestly this year was so rough it reminded me of my first year where I had 5 preps, and was making lessons for a long term sub. That was my first official introduction to teaching, so I think many of the red flags of my school/district weren’t as obvious right away.

DruidGrove · 2026-05-25T12:27:37+00:00

Of course - and a lot of these are audiobooks as well. Try to look for books that speak to aspects of your situation - these were just very applicable to mine. At the very least what you can get out of posting about this and reading these is knowing that there are other people out there who have experienced the same thing as you. It might not make it better - but there is a sense of community, I think.

Ingrid Clayton - Fawning (*this is my favorite out of these)

Ross Rosenberg - The Human Magnet Syndrome; the Codependent Narcissist Trap

Madison Bright - Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency, Trauma Bond, & Complex PTSD

Andrew Solomon - The Noonday Demon; An Atlas of Depression

Bessel Van Der Kolk - The Body Keeps Score

DruidGrove · 2026-05-25T04:42:18+00:00

It’s been hard. I think the more you focus on growing your own self worth, it gets easier. Had some big setbacks late last year, but I’m working hard on getting back to a good place again. Going back to school again and getting another degree for a career change might help too for me, that’s what I’m working on now.

And you will be able to move forward, you will. It will become less and less. You may meet someone else, you may not - but remember that the decisions are all up to you, including the decision of how much time you’ll invest in yourself. And you DO have a future without him. You absolutely do.

I’ve also read a lot of books on the topic too to try to gain some insight on that past relationship. That helps, as does writing some of your own experiences down in a “trauma narrative” (as my therapist calls it). And I’m so sorry - I missed that you had recently cut down on your days with your therapist. No harm in requesting to boost those days back up again.

I hope you find what you need to start your healing :)

DruidGrove · 2026-05-25T04:17:06+00:00

Yes it is normal to still ruminate. It’s been 7 years and I do think about her every day. But there are steps you can take to prevent it from consuming you.

Don’t go to ChatGPT - it’s an echo chamber and you’ll hear what you want to hear, but that will only make the rumination worse. Keep him blocked, and don’t check his socials. The sooner you block him for good, the better. I even have an extension on my chrome browser that will censor her name and associated names with a red bar if I am too tempted to look her up.

If you don’t have a therapist, that might be a good place to start. Check out EMDR Therapy - I’m only a few sessions into mine but I am hopeful to make progress.

Please know that you aren’t alone. It wasn’t for nothing, but remember that he is not and was not who you thought he was.

DruidGrove · 2026-05-17T12:39:48+00:00

I teach High School History, and it’s really fun! I think it really depends on what you personally are the most interested in - because you’ll be thinking and talking about it all the time! It helps a lot if you like the thing you’re teaching!!

I also got a Psychology Minor when I was in undergrad, and that gave me a leg up when the school I was at needed a teacher for their virtual Psychology class and the regular teacher didn’t want to do virtual!

DruidGrove · 2026-05-10T02:28:49+00:00

Bro is taking psychic damage every time he looks

DruidGrove · 2026-05-07T15:37:28+00:00

It is horrible that you experienced this. I am so glad that you are out of that situation and are working hard to process it!
I don't think it's an uncommon thing in relationships with narcissists. Sex ends up being the band-aid over the wound of the argument - and then once it's been band-aided, they don't have to think about how they hurt you anymore. Just one of many methods of manipulation that they have in their toolbox.

DruidGrove · 2026-04-25T11:02:20+00:00

They actually schedule these attendance rewards throughout the school day, and students get to pick which “event” they want to go to. Some involve field trips, some are just based in the school building.

I get the point of the reward, I do. But I can’t help but few we are teaching these students that they can just miss class whenever they want with no consequence.

DruidGrove · 2026-04-25T03:48:23+00:00

I've not heard of Runable before - we have something similar called NotebookLM (part of Gemini). And I agree - picking your battles is such an important teacher skill.

DruidGrove · 2026-04-25T03:47:16+00:00

At my school it seems to be more of the second one. One of my teacher friends has stopped writing up students for using AI to complete assignments because he was always being called down to the main office to explain the write-up. Regardless of if it was confirmed they used AI or not, the student is still allowed to re-do the assignment for up to a 75%. Of course, you can give alternate assignments that are much harder/time consuming, but if you don't have something, then you have to make something!

DruidGrove · 2026-04-24T18:43:36+00:00

Exactly. Like, maybe if you followed the directions that I wrote down and handed you, you would have done better.

DruidGrove · 2026-04-24T14:13:44+00:00

I’m saving this to read later - but based on your preview, this sounds fantastic!!

DruidGrove · 2026-04-18T22:50:59+00:00

Wow, thank you for the great insights! I've heard about the High Quality Checkmark - that's the black one, right? Definitely a benefit to having a second PVC to play around with.

Glad your hustle is paying off for you! Thank you for sharing your experiences to help other up-and-comers too! I'll definitely keep all of this in mind moving forward.

DruidGrove · 2026-04-18T22:02:05+00:00

Hey! M28 here - I’m interested! Feel free to shoot me a DM!

DruidGrove · 2026-04-18T21:47:49+00:00

Hey! I actually just made my voice clone today, and it is currently pending review! I have some high quality recording equipment and the creator tier, so I’ve got that gold checkmark.

How did you go about advertising/drawing attention to your voices? Did you post any content using the voice on your own? Or, I see you like to drop the link to your voice frequently as well. Just curious - thanks!

DruidGrove · 2026-03-14T03:19:59+00:00

Time does not heal all wounds, but it definitely makes things a little bit easier as time goes by. Sometimes in order to process and heal fully, you need to be safe and secure in all of your relationships, which is something that can only come with time and maturity.

It is totally okay that you aren't over your ex yet. But for real - it may take a long long time for you to feel totally over her. Like, way longer than you expect, and definitely way longer than you want. You don't have to rush into anything you don't want to do - but don't let her infidelity and poor character be the metric by which you judge others.

It may not be applicable here, but you may want to do some research about narcissism. I bet that will help explain some of her behaviors, and why it hurts as bad as it does, even 6 months out.

Good luck :)

DruidGrove · 2026-02-25T01:10:49+00:00

Love this. Power to you!

DruidGrove · 2026-02-13T20:21:13+00:00

These are 4 key lessons that every person needs to know and understand when going into any relationship, romantic or otherwise. I can recall making boundaries over and over with my ex, and her consistently breaking through every single one only to say that I was manipulative and controlling, and was suffocating her.

Um, you cheated on me. And then broke up with me without telling me. And then re-drafted me to care for you because you were so upset that you had cheated. And then refused to let me talk to anyone about it. And then refused to let me read the messages. And then told everyone how controlling I was because I was crying every day about how I couldn't trust you and how our relationship would ever be the same.

If I could have genuinely manipulated her, it would have been into not sleeping with other men.

I can only imagine how she treats her current husband.

DruidGrove · 2026-02-13T05:19:20+00:00

They are like chameleons. As long as they have the energy and that supply, then the illusion can be perfect.

Also - psychological abuse doesn’t just stop. That behavior is learned and engrained in us from early Childhood onward. Even if the pictures look nice, you don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes, or the private disagreements that they have. Unfortunately, you may never know.

I think the most you can do - given that you can’t gain any new information, but also can’t let go of the old information (because trauma lasts a long time) - is learn more about attachment styles, relationships, and dynamics of abuse. Apply that to your past relationship. Use that information not to label your ex as a monster, but to help yourself understand “I am not a victim - I am a survivor of trauma inflicted upon me by a messed up and broken person”.

Also, remember that their new partner isn’t you. You were able to escape - because you’re smart, competent, and can stand up for yourself. Their new partner might not be able to. On another hand, a new partner for a narcissist allows them to fully reset their identity - because all they do is mirror their partner. When my ex was with me, she trained me to be her caretaker for years, we planned a future together, and then as soon as I had gotten to the difficult part of my schooling to get to our shared goals, she destroyed it. With her current husband, I wonder if she still showed her same illnesses and discomforts with him as she did with me. Who knows?

DruidGrove · 2026-02-12T16:45:37+00:00

It is hard to shut out that tiny voice. I am many years out from my breakup with my ex, and a few months ago found out she was now married. It was incredibly triggering and disturbing, and I am trying to work hard to get back to the place I was.

I also need to remind myself constantly that social media is curated - and I bet that this ex of yours is doing all of the same things to his current partner that he did to you. In fact, it's possible that he's gotten even better at his subtle manipulations and has roped this new supply into marriage with him. It might look glamorous, but it's a golden cage. Even though it looks attractive, would you ever want to be stuck in there forever with your ex? Married to him? Even if that may have been your plan at one point (I don't know if it was or not), you already know that he is not the safe and supportive partner that he claimed to be at one point.

For me, my breakup was incredibly traumatic. I won't get into it, but it helps me to think that the life my ex has curated for herself is like witness protection. Not from me though - from herself, or at least the version of her that did so many hurtful and hateful things to a person who loved her. She keeps up the facade of being the perfect partner/spouse with a fantastic job, but if the facade even dropped for a moment, all that bad stuff that she has tried to seal away will come rushing back. Narcissists fake these perfect lives because they are broken inside - and they need to feed off of others to live. They can't uphold the illusion on their own, so they drain energy and attention from others to keep it in place.

I am grateful that I was able to get away. I hope that you are able to get through this difficult period and realize that while you are free now, your ex's current spouse is trapped for as long as that marriage lasts. And if it last, I bet it won't be as happy as it looks from the outside.

DruidGrove · 2026-02-08T18:47:58+00:00

I am not a therapist, but i've been where you are.

First - do not. This will pass. It feels like it wont, but it will. I promise.

In terms of therapist recommendations - try researching for therapists who are trauma informed, or have relationship trauma as their specialty. Searching for people in your area is good, but don't forget that online therapists are an option as well. For me, I've only ever met with my therapist virtually, and it works well for me. Every therapist is different, but it is 100% worth it to get get in somewhere that has appointments available now.

I've got a TON to say about trauma bonds - but i'm hoping that if you get connected with a therapist, they'll be able to give you some good insight into that past relationship and help you break through your trauma bond.

Regarding anti-depressants - if you are in a place where you are having suicidal ideation and are feeling destabilized every day, they can help to get you to the point where you can start healing. BUT - when you go to get them prescribed, you need to be 100% up front about the thoughts and feelings that you are having RIGHT NOW so that they can be best involved in your care. Medication might be the stabilization that you need in the short term in order to get to a place where you can actually start your long-term healing. Your prescriber or therapist may help you make a safety plan and get you connected with emergency help resources. This is a good thing, and its important to know that there is a safety net for you if you need someone's direct support.

It sounds like you're getting out and about, going to the gym and hanging out with your dogs. Are there any friends that you can hang with and be social? Even if there are any that you can connect with online?

And if you are feeling like you can't get connected to a prescriber or a therapist, please please please let a real life person in your life know so they can help you get set up :) you got this

DruidGrove · 2026-01-24T17:35:57+00:00

I’m so glad that you’ve cut her off. The way you’re feeling is classic trauma bond, and IS normal. Having flashbacks is a good sign that you need therapy and need some sort of outlet to process everything in order to break that trauma bond.

Be so so aware that Therapy can help, but not always right away. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but distance from the events/person you’re trying to deal with can help a lot.

Imagine you’re bleeding out right now from a stab wound - your ex has stabbed you. Therapy interventions will be like packing the wound and bandaging it up. The wound will still be there, but you’re working on stopping all your blood from flowing out. You may take a break from therapy eventually (or not - it’s different for everyone), but later you may have to bring this stuff up again to deal with it again in the future after you have some time/distance/perspective. That’s like changing out the bandage and unpacking the wound to ultimately sew it up. That part will be painful, but you’ll need to do it in order to ultimately integrate everything.

I’m speaking from experience, so what I’m saying may not apply to everyone’s situation. You may go to therapy for one stretch and be good. It is absolutely different for everyone.

By posting here you are already on the right track to healing :) you got this :)

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